Pokemon Gold/Silver Walkthrough

Hello, and welcome to my strategy guide for Pokemon Gold Walkthrough and Pokemon Silver Walkthrough! This guide contains a complete, beginning-to-end walkthrough for the game. You can use Pokemon Gold/Silver Cheat Codes to make a gameplay easier.

NEW BARK TOWN

Look at your clock or watch or whatever, and input the current time into the game. Next, Prof. Oak will ask you to give your name. Are you with me so far? Good, just keep up; it’ll get even more difficult soon. List- en to the account it gives, and you’ll finally be ready to play. And sorry, ladies, that you have to be a guy; the sexist fiends at the Poke- mon Company still refuse to recognize you. Don’t worry: you can play Pokemon Crystal if you want to explore Johto in your true form.

Anyway, once you can control your little guy, explore your room for a bit, then go down the stairs in the upper-right corner. Your mommy will stop you and give you POKEGEAR! Set the day of the week and Daylight Saving Time (yes between the first Sunday in April to the last Sunday in October, no if anywhere else). Come to Mom to change the DST setting when necessary. She’ll explain how to use the phone (yes, it’s just as easily as it sounds), and then leave you alone. God, Mom! You’re always embarrassing me! When you’re good, exit your house at the bottom.

Welcome to New Bark Town, a quiet little village on the Johto eastern border. You can walk around and talk to your fellow New Barkers, but you now want to enter Prof. Elm’s Lab. He’ll ask you to pick your first Pokemon! You have three choices, and since I’m a nice guy, I’ll critique them for you. Yes, I know, I love you too.

CHIKORITA – The starting Grass Pokemon. It learns a very good move, Razor Leaf, pretty early, but its moves kind of suck after that, with no Normal attack until Level 29. Also, since Grass is weak against Flying and Bug, it will have trouble against the first two Gym Leaders. I don’t recommend begin- ners to chose Chikorita unless you’re a daring individual.

CYNDAQUIL – This Fire type is the fastest out of the three starters with a pretty decent Special Attack (a very good advantage for a Fire). Unfortunately, the only Fire attack it learns in the beginning is Ember, which is pretty weak compared to Chikor- ita’s Razor Leaf, and won’t get another one until Flame Wheel at Level 27 (Level 31 if you let him evolve)! However, it is a very good Pokemon to have in your arsenal down the stretch.

TOTODILE – Here, we have the Water starter. While it rarely earns any Water attacks, it gains a barrage of strong physical moves, which makes it handy that his Attack is better than his Spec- ial Attack. It gets Rage at Level 7, which is a move that will increase in power the more you use it. This is the best of the three to get in the beginning. However, other Water Pokemon are easily to find and catch, while Fire and Grass types are much more scarce.

Now that you’ve got that decided, Prof. Elm will give you his phone num- ber and send you on your way. Before you leave, a scientist nerd will give you a POTION. A potion will restore one of your Pokemon’s HP by 20 points. Exit the lab and look to the left. What’s that kid with the red hair doing? Talk to him, and he’ll kick you in the ass. How rude! Now, go to the opening to the west to exit New Bark Town.

ROUTE 29

You’ll know you’ve entered Route 29 when the music changes. Why do they start at the number 29 instead of 1? Because they’re carrying over the route numbers from the Red/Blue/Yellow games. Duh, idiot! Notice the grass to the south. That is wild grass, and where a lot of the Pokemon are found. Walk around in it, and you’ll be launched into a battle. If you have no idea what the hell you’re doing in Battle Mode, scroll up to the Pokemon for Beginners section.

Here are the wild Pokemon you’ll find in the grass and their percentage ratings according to the time of day:

ROUTE 29	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Hoothoot	–	–	75%
Pidgey	65%	45%	–
Rattata	15%	10%	25%
Sentret	20%	45%	–

These are the first Pokemon you’ll most likely see. Which, of course, pretty much mean that they blow chunks. The most useless is Hoothoot, who is a very weak Flying type with no good attacks. Sentret also sucks, but it’s kind of good to have since it can learn a whole bunch of moves using TMs that are different types. It may be a good choice to use as an HM drone one day. Rattata is pretty good in the beginning, with pretty good speed and the ability to learn the powerful Hyper Fang at Level 13. Still, it’s usefulness fades in the long run as stronger Pokemon are available to you. Pidgey is quite the opposite. It sucks in the begin- ning, but when it evolves into Pidgeotto at Level 18 and Pidgeot at 36, it’s really fast and powerful. And since a Flying Pokemon is really a must in every winner’s party, you might want to consider it. It’s act- ually to your advantage that everything is so weak because, since you cannot catch anything yet, you should fight all of these as you go to give your starter Exp. points.

Let’s get through this place, shall we? Go southwest past the ledge and trees until you see an opening to the north. Go up, then right, and up into the wild grass. Take the upper most path right to find another POTION! Go west, and keep going west above the ledges until you see a weird plant thing above you. Click on it, and you’ll receive a BERRY! Berries are a new edition to the Pokemon games. If you let a Pokemon hold a berry, it will heal himself in the middle of battle without you losing a turn. A regular berry, like the one you just picked, will heal 10 HP when your health is low. Your starter should have already come with a berry, but now you have another one for the road! Berries will grow back in the plant when the day changes, so pick up another berry at that same spot tomorrow. Jump over the ledge to the left, and keep going until you enter Cherrygrove City.

CHERRYGROVE CITY

Not much of a city, now is it? You’ll also notice that, while all of the towns in Kanto from the previous games were named after colors, the city names in Johto all are derived from plants. Clever, eh. What am I, Can- adian?! Yuck! Anyway, see the building to the north with the words “Poke” on them? That’s the Pokemon Center! If you go in and talk to the lady at the counter, and she’ll heal your Pokemon for free! How come my HMO doesn’t do that? There’s other stuff you can do in there, but not right now. Exit and go into the building left of it with the words “Mart” on it. It’s the Pokemart! You can buy crap here at everyday low prices. And no illegal aliens living in the warehouses…that we know of. Since you start with 3,000 Pokebucks, you can buy some Potions and whatnot. Antidotes save your Pokemon from Poison, Awakening from Sleep, and Parlyz Heal from Paralysis. Don’t buy too much though; you need to save some of that moolah for later.

Exit the Mart when you’re done and talk to that old guy standing by the entrance of the city. He’ll give you a tour of Cherrygrove and pretty much explain to you everything I said in the previous paragraph. Maybe I should have told you to talk to that guy first. Nah! When he’s done, he’ll reward you with the MAP CARD! It’s an upgrade to your Pokegear that lets you look at the Johto Map whenever you want. If you feel like it, talk to the people in this city to get some vital (or if you played Pokemon before: obvious) information. When you’re ready, leave Cherry- grove in the northwest exit.

ROUTE 30

ROUTE 30 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Caterpie	60%	40%	–
Hoothoot	–	–	40%
Metapod	15%	30%	–
Pidgey	25%	30%	–
Rattata	–	–	40%
Spinarak	–	–	20%
ROUTE 30 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Hoothoot	–	–	75%
Ledyba	25%	–	–
Kakuna	10%	20%	–
Pidgey	15%	60%	–
Rattata	–	–	25%
Weedle	50%	20%	–

Here is the first wild grass that the wild Pokemon differ between Gold and Silver. Pokemon charts marked with a “G” in parenthesis refers to Gold Version only, while a “S” represents just Silver. For Gold, Cat- erpie is the most common of the bunch, the first Bug available. It only knows Tackle and String Shot until it evolves into Metapod, where it gains Harden. Oh boy. Metapod’s evolution at Level 10, Butterfree, is pretty good though. It learns Psybeam at Lv34, and is eligible to any Psychic TM out there. The other new bug, Spinarak, ain’t so bad either. It has decent Attack, and it can learn some weird moves like Night Shade at Lv17. Plus it’s Poison, allowing you to annoy your opponents by in- fecting that on them. Now for the Silver Bugs. Weedle is a lot like Cat- erpie, only it’s half Poison and knows Poison Sting. Like Caterpie, it evolves into a worthless Kakuna at Lv7, then Beedrill at Lv10. Beedrill is kind of good though, but lacking in powerful attacks. The other new bug, Ledyba, is even worse in my opinion. While it’s good defensively, its Attack blows, which goes along with its shortage of offensive moves. Gold got the better deal with the Pokemon here, but Silver, you will ex- act your revenge later.

Go right around the ledge, then north till you see a house with a berry plant next to it. Go to it and get another BERRY. Now enter the house and talk to the man there, who will give you yet another BERRY! We’re just stocking up on these, aren’t we? Exit the house and go north on the right side. We’ll come to a fork in the road. Try to go to the left end, and two young trainers are having a Pokemon battle. Exciting. Go to the east side and continue going north. Eventually, you’ll arrive at a house with a berry plant a bit left of it. This plant contains a PSNCUREBERRY. It has the same function as a normal berry, only it helps a Pokemon that is plagued with Poison. Enter the house to meet Mr. Pokemon.

Mr. Pokemon (Nintendo spent weeks coming up with that name) will give you the MYSTERY EGG for Prof. Elm to examine. Then, the old man named Prof. Oak will make his Johto debut and talk to you. He’ll be impressed by your rare Pokemon, and will go on about love and care and all that other bullcrap. When he’s done babbling, you’ll receive the POKEDEX! It will record what Pokemon you’ve encountered on your journey. Before you depart, Mr. Pokemon will heal your starter, then exit.

BACK TO NEW BARK

Okay, so Prof. Elm just called you and said something terrible happened. Let’s make our way back to his lab. Just keep going south, fighting wild stuff as you go, until you return to Cherrygrove. Heal your guy at the Pokemon Center, give him/her a berry, and save. You’ll find out why soon enough.

Go to the eastern exit of Cherrygrove and you’ll be stopped. Hey! It’s the jackass with the red hair! He’ll go on about how much you suck at life and challenge you to a battle. Oh, it’s on, mofo! Your first train- er battle really isn’t that tough. He’ll have the weakness of whatever you picked in Prof. Elm’s lab: if you chose Chikorita, he has Cyndaquil; if you chose Cyndaquil, he has Totodile; and if you chose Totodile, he has Chikorita. Hopefully, you advanced your Pokemon up two or three levels, because his Level 5 starter will be really no match if you did. Just keep using Tackle (or Rage if you have Totodile) against him and it’ll faint. If your opponent gets lucky and nails you with a couple Critical Hits, don’t fret. Remember your guy has a berry with him/her, and you still have a few potions in your bag. Once it’s over, the jerk will introduce himself as ??? (no, not the hand sticking out of the toi- let from The Legend of Zelda games), and will run off to fulfill his ambitions. Idioth.

Exit Cherrygrove and continue east by jumping over the ledges. Arrive at New Bark and enter Elm’s lab. Hmm, a male with red hair just stole a Pokemon, huh? What a coincidence! He will ask for the young man’s name. DO NOT TELL HIM HIS NAME WAS ???! This is where you give him a name, for he is going to be your Johto rival. In the Pokemon games, naming your rival is one of the most fun things to do, I believe, because you can dawn that moron with whatever you want. You can give him the name of some jerk you personally hate, or a completely stupid foreign title, or, most commonly used, an inappropriate insult. Yes, Assface fits, and so does another word that starts off the same.

After you name him, the policeman leaves. Give the Mystery Egg to Elm and he’ll be taken aback. Literally. He goes on about how great you are and suggests to take the Pokemon League Challenge. Uh, sure, why not? When you leave, that noisy scientist will talk to you and give you five POKEBALLS! Now you can catch crap!

Exit the lab and talk to your mommy. She’ll ask if she can save money for you. If you’re worried about squandering money on stuff, choose yes, otherwise I don’t suggest it. Sometimes she’ll buy rare stuff for you, like dolls and evolutionary stones, but it’s pretty stupid. Exit your house, and leave New Bark altogether.

ROAD TO VIOLET

Go through Route 29 once again, “Dude” will stop you and show you how to catch Pokemon. Make sure that you actually weaken your opponent before throwing a ball at it though. Keep going and you might notice a house on the north end. Enter it and exit out the other side to arrive in Route 46! This is just a route coming down from the mountains, and since we can’t go up it, all we can do is catch stuff.

ROUTE 46	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Geodude	40%	40%	30%
Rattata	36%	48%	70%
Spearow	24%	12%	–

Geodude is a pretty good Rock Pokemon, and its evolutions are really the best if you’re looking towards having a Rock in your party. Its resistance to normal is the foundation of the type, but double weakness to Water, Grass, and Ice sort of nullifies that. Steel is better than Rock in the long run. Spearow is really just Pidgey on drugs. It’s faster than it’s bird rival, and learns some pretty sweet attacks if you stick with it. However, I’d rather look for a Flying thing with a dual type other than Normal if I were you.

Exit Route 46 when you’re done and go west to Cherrygrove. You might notice that the Pokemart here now carries Pokeballs! Stock up if you need it, and go north to Route 30. Continue up past the house until you arrive at that fork once again. Go left and the Pokemon battle that blocked you before has ended. However, now the trainers look to battle you! Oh crapshait! No problem really, since they all suck worse than your rival. The first trainer, Youngster Joey, will just have two Level 4 Rattatas. Piece of cake. When you beat him, he’ll ask for your phone number. Some trainers would like to keep up with you and maybe even battle you again. However, you only get a certain amount of spaces in your phone’s database, so save some for the important numbers. If you want to remember him for your first non-Rival trainer battle, add him in.

Continue up the left side of Route 30, battling the other Youngster and Bug Catcher for Exp. points. Try to even out the leveling of all of your Pokemon. Don’t have a go-to Level 10 guy, and then have to rely on a weak Level 5 if the other fails. Go north until you hit a dead-end, and backtrack right into some wild grass to hit Route 31.

ROUTE 31 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Bellsprout	20%	25%	15%
Caterpie	50%	30%	–
Hoothoot	–	–	15%
Metapod	10%	20%	–
Pidgey	20%	25%	–
Rattata	–	–	40%
Spinarak	–	–	30%
ROUTE 31 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Bellsprout	20%	25%	25%
Hoothoot	–	–	25%
Ledyba	20%	–	–
Kakuna	10%	20%	–
Pidgey	20%	25%	–
Rattata	–	–	50%
Weedle	30%	30%	–

Hello there, Bellsprout. Don’t get excited; Bellsprout is not that good, nor are its evolutions (Chikorita wipes the floor with it in the Grass category). Vine Whip can be pretty scary against you, but it’s really not all that great. Wait until Oddish comes around if you’re looking for a Grass type.

You might also notice a cave in front of you. This is Dark Cave, and if you enter it, you might realize why (the naming department working hard once again).

DARK CAVE	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Dunsparce	<1%*	<1%*	<1%*
Geodude	50%	50%	50%
Zubat	50%	50%	50%

Zubat has gotten a makeover since Red/Blue/Yellow, and boy does he look fabulous! Sorry, I’ll never say that again. Anywho, Zubat learns Bite, a good Dark attack, at Level 12 and you can teach it some decent TMs in the mean time. The best part about the new Zubat is its third evolution. Crobat has wonderful speed and a good HP count. It can even learn Fly, making a good starter instead of Pidgey or Spearow with its dual Poison type. On the bad side, you need to evolve it through Happiness, which is pretty tough and annoying, but I think it’s worth it. Dunsparce, on the other hand, is a load of crap. It has no evolution, no good stats, no standout moves, and its Normal! What’s even worse is how you get it. As you can see by my handily table, the chance of seeing it compared to everything else in Dark Cave is less than 1%! However, there is some- thing in this game called a Pokemon Swarm. Six Pokemon have catch rate of <1%, but if you get the phone number of a certain trainer, he will tell you when and where a Pokemon is swarming. It happens about every two weeks, and for an hour, a swarming Pokemon’s appearance rate will increase to about 25%! You’ll meet the Dunsparce swarm expert (Hiker Anthony on Route 33) a little later if you want to complete your Pokedex. Otherwise, screw Dunsparce.

Now in Dark Cave, you can’t do much, and it’s dark, and you don’t have your nightlight and binky, so let’s do this and get out fast. Follow my directions: walk up twice, right until you stop, up until you stop, left until you stop, up until you stop, right until you stop, up until you stop, right until you stop, down until you stop, left until you stop (you will jump), and then down to get a POTION. Wasn’t that fun? Now go right, down until you stop, left over the ledge, and out of this forsaken place. We’ll be back one day when it’s easier to see.

Go left of the cave and pick up an ANTIDOTE. Keep going left until you see a fat guy standing next to a berry plant. Go to it and get the BITTER BERRY. This particular berry snaps a Pokemon out of confusion. Now go south over the ledge and snag the POKEBALL. Beat Bug Catcher Wade and go west into the tall grass. Go north into the opening and left through the door. When you come out the other side, you’ll find yourself in Violet City.

VIOLET CITY

Well, it’s more of a city than Cherrygrove, but still not really as in- dustrialized as a normal one (wait until Goldenrod). Heal your stuff at the Pokemon Center and go southwest into the house there. You can trade a Bellsprout for an Onix here. Onix is basically the same as Geodude, only with higher Speed and Defense, but Geodude gradually catches up as it evolves. The big fuss about Onix is its new evolution, Steelix. Guess what type it is. Wrong! It’s Steel! Oh, that’s what you said? Well, you shouldn’t mumble so much! Steelix is a lot better than Onix in every- thing but Speed, and its resistance against many types increases. Des- pite all of this, I would not recommend trading for him, nor should you accept any of these transactions. Usually, the Pokemon you’re trading for can be caught not too long afterwards, as is the case with Onix. Also, the traded Pokemon always comes with a retarded nickname that you’re not allowed to change. So wait until you can catch them instead of wasting your time with these trades.

Wander around Violet City. You’ll see a huge building with the words “Gym” on it. This is the Pokemon Gym! Where would you be without me? This is where you battle to earn the Johto Gym Badges. There are eight of them you need to earn to beat the game (well, at least half of it). We’ll come back to it later; there’s some stuff we should do beforehand. Notice the guy standing around left of the Gym. Click on him, and he’ll spin around and talk like Yoda. Say you did not battle the Gym Leader, and he’ll lead you to Earl’s Pokemon Academy. You can go inside and learn about more of the basics of Pokemon.

Go west and find the Pokemart. The new things on sale are the X Stat Increasers. Use a turn in a battle and give them to a Pokemon to raise that stat until the fight ends. I don’t really like them, but they can be helpful in tough battles. Also, buy yourself a few Escape Ropes. If you get lost or need to get out of a cave, use it to return to the sur- face. You can also buy Flower Mail if you want to trade mail around with your friends. I don’t use them because, you know…no friends. *cries to sleep*

The next thing to do now is to beat Sprout Tower. Go right of the Gym and north to a tall, how you say, tower. This is Sprout Tower. This tower right here. The tower called Sprout Tower. Sprout Tower that is this tower. You got it? Okay, then enter that tower…which is aptly named Sprout Tower.

SPROUT TOWER

SPROUT TOWER	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Gastly	–	–	30%
Rattata	100%	100%	70%

In the RBY games, Gastly and its evolutions were the only Ghosts around, but not anymore. They still however are the best Ghosts in the GSC games since Misdreavus really isn’t that great. Gastly is still good since Normal and Fighting can’t touch it (MC Hammer style), but it’s still an okay Pokemon. The biggest advantage to catching a Gastly is actually to use it to catch other things. The move Mean Look freezes Pokemon in their place, preventing those pain-in-the-butt fast ones from fleeing.

You can talk to the people around here, then go up the stairs in the upper corner next to the bald dude. Go right on the second floor to battle a Sage with three weak Bellsprouts. Go past him to walk down an- other set of stairs. Pick up a PARLYZ HEAL below you, then go up and around the corner to meet another Sage with some more Bellsprouts. Areyou noticing a pattern here? Go down to reach the next set of stairs.

Grab the X DEFEND above you, and go down to battle even more Bell- sprouts! Go right past him and up the stairs. Walk up and beat the Sages that only have one Bellsprout (but it’s Level 6! Watch out!). The guy blocking your path to the left adds a Hoothoot to the Bellsprout mix, so be wary.

Go up the right way and you’ll see Assface there (I decided that’s what I’m going to call him from now on). When he leaves, go up and talk to the final Sage. He can be a hassle for beginners, but if you’ve been leveling up this whole time, it’s nothing to worry about. He has two Lv7 Bellsprouts and a Lv10 Hoothoot. If you have a Fire or Flying, the Bellsprouts are cake. The Hoothoot is a little more tricky. If you caught a Geodude earlier, whip it out now, especially if you managed to get it all the way up to Lv11 for Rock Throw. If you don’t, just bring out anything that isn’t Grass or Bug and keep doing your strongest att- ack on it, then use a potion if you need it. When the battle has been won, he will give you HM05! HMs are moves you can teach to a Pokemon as many times as you want. HM05 contains Flash, which helps you see in a dark cave. Hmm, where was a dark cave that we saw earlier? If you want, pick up the ESCAPE ROPE in the right corner and use it to get out of Sprout Tower.

VIOLET CITY

The only thing that’s left to do for now is get the Zephyr Badge. I would say your Pokemon should be around Lv10 to get by the Violet Gym, but you can get by with lower if you’re lucky enough. Make sure you buy a good amount of Potions just in case. With no further ado, step into the Pokemon Gym!

Wow, listen to that music! It’s kind of like you’re Rocky or something, only without the speech impediment. Walk around the curvy path until the first trainer sees you. Take out his Lv9 Spearow and continue. You can exit the gym and heal your guys if you want, and you won’t be penalized or anything like that. Next is a Bird Keeper with two Lv7 Pidgeys. Even easier! Next up, Faulkner. Make sure all of your Pokemon are at complete health, they all have a berry or something like that, and you save the game. Always save before a Gym Leader or something important so you can restart the game if you lose. I know it’s cheap, but it’s better than losing half of your money in the process.

FAULKNER’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Pidgey	7	Easy
Pidgeotto	9	Less Easy

Once again, if you have a Lv11 Geodude, this will kind of be a joke. Even if you don’t, it’s still relatively simple. Take out the pathetic Lv7 Pidgey right off the bat and get ready for its evolved form. Even your Geodude might have trouble against this, just because of the att- ack Mud Slap. Rock is weak against Ground moves, so it might do a little more than you want on it, but it won’t kill it or anything. Mud Slap also sucks because it lowers your Accuracy, making it harder to land a hit. Just keep chipping away at Pidgeotto’s HP with whatever you have, and keep switching your Pokemon to get rid of the low Accuracy problem. When you emerge victorious, you receive the ZEPHYRBADGE! Faulkner will also reward you with TM31! TMs are just like HMs only you can use them once, so choose carefully. It contains the annoying Mud Slap technique you just went up against. However, you should know that while it does lower Accuracy, it really doesn’t do much damage at all. Save your game so you won’t have to beat him twice if your batteries run out or some- thing, and exit the gym.

ROAD TO UNION CAVE

Once you’re outside, Elm will call you. He’ll say, “Oh my God, you’ll never guess. Rob asked me out. Oh my God, he’s sooooooo cute!” Well, maybe not. He wants you to meet his aide at the Violet Pokemon Center. Go there, and his aide will give you an EGG! Oh boy! Keep it in your party until it hatches later.

Now we can officially leave this place! Go to the Pokemon Gym and take the path below of it. Pick the PRZCUREBERRY (gets rid of Paralysis) and continue south to Route 32. If you go left, you’ll enter the Ruins of Alph. There’s nothing really important we can do there just yet, so skip it for now. Keep going down until you see a guy standing there. Talk to him and he’ll award you the MIRACLE SEED! It ups the power of Grass att- acks by 1.5x. Also, if it’s Tuesday, you can go back to Route 29 (the one west of New Bark Town) and towards the bottom you’ll meet Tuscany. Only after you beat Faulkner will she give you the PINK BOW. It’s the same as the Miracle Seed, only it raises the power of Normal moves. There’s a person for everyday of the week that will give you stuff, so make sure to go back to where they are on that particular day.

ROUTE 32 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Bellsprout	20%	25%	25%
Hoppip	10%	10%	–
Mareep	45%	40%	20%
Rattata	20%	25%	25%
Wooper	5%	–	30%
ROUTE 32 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Bellsprout	25%	10%	20%
Ekans	20%	30%	10%
Hoppip	5%	20%	–
Mareep	25%	25%	25%
Rattata	15%	15%	10%
Wooper	10%	–	35%

A lot of new things to catch here. Ekans is okay, Silver players, but not really something you should consider using. Like pretty much all low-level Poison, its attacks suck, plus it really doesn’t grow much when it evolves. I really wouldn’t recommend keeping a Poison in your party unless it is also a Grass or Flying (*cough* Crobat *cough). Wooper has a very good type combo: Water and Ground. That means it’s invulnerable to Electric, and is only weak against Grass (Double Super Effective however). While Wooper’s stats suck now, pretty much all of them except Speed will nearly double when it evolves into Quagsire (gigity gigity)! Keep that one in mind. Now, on to Hoppip, if we must. This pipsweak is actually a Grass/Flying, even though it never learns, nor can you teach it, any Flying moves. I guess it floats or something. It starts with Splash, an “attack” that does absolutely nothing, then learns Tackle all the way at Lv10, and doesn’t learn another damage- dealing move until Lv30 (Lv44 if you evolve it all the way)! However, it does learn a good amount of condition attacks, like Sleep- and Poison- powder, so it might be useful for catching. And it is pretty cute (along with its two evolutions). Just add it to your collection. And finally: Mareep. This is without a doubt the best thing you can catch here. It’s the only Electric type you can get for quite a while, and it grows up to be a pretty good one. Be patient with its slow speed and lack of att- acks, and you’ll have yourself an excellent Ampharos at Lv30. Electric is a decent type to have in your party, and Mareep is basically the only one you can get to train long enough with, so give this freaky-looking sheep some consideration.

Try to battle all of the trainers as you voyage your long trek south. A ways down, you might notice some water with a bridge going across. Beat the Fishermen here, and one of them (Fisher Ralph) will ask for your number. This is one of the swarm experts I was talking about be- fore. His specialty is in the bevy of Qwilfish that sometimes show up in this lake here. So, just how do you catch Pokemon in this water, huh? We’ll find out soon enough. Well, you’ll find out; I already know. I’m just keeping you in suspense. Hehe, I love messing with people.

Keep going south where some stranger will ask you if you want to buy a Slowpoke Tail. Even if you wanted to (psycho), you don’t have the money. Go past him to find a Pokemon Center! Enter and heal, then speak with the man in here with the straw hat. He’ll ask if you want one of his rods (giggle here if you want). Say yes and you get the OLD ROD! Now we can fish like drunk southern people! Well, there goes that demographic.

Exit the center and, if it’s Friday, walk to that girl in the path to your left. It’s Frieda! Because you’re so cool, she’ll give you the POISON BARB! Of course, this ups the attack of Dark Pokemon. Haha, got ya! It increases the Poison type, so give it to one if you must. Go to that water above the Center and fish away!

ROUTE 32	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Magikarp	70%	30%	25%
Qwilfish	0%*	0%*	15%*
Tentacool	30%	70%	60%

Oh, Magikarp. This Pokemon has just been one continuous joke in the Pokemon world, and it doesn’t let up here. He does learn a new attack: Flail. The problem is that he gets it at Lv30, and you should belong in a psychiatric ward if you allow to raise it that long without evolving it. Of course, its evolution, Gyarados, is a wonderful Pokemon with high stats and a good combination of powerful Water and Dragon type moves. It’s only major problem is the fact that its still Water/Flying, which makes it Double Super Effective against Electric. I don’t know why they refuse to change him to a Dragon, since it can’t Fly or anything, but it is still pretty damn good. Tentacool is an odd fellow. You’re going to see this guy A LOT in your journey, and usually common = sucky. Not really the case here. It has good Speed and Special Defense, plus it learns some decent attacks (Acid and Bubblebeam ain’t bad). It takes a while to evolve (Tentacruel at Lv30), but it’s pretty good all things considered. Qwilfish is basically the same as Tentacool, except it ex- cels in Attack and Defense instead of Special. It also doesn’t have an evolution, which is kind of a bummer. Once again, don’t use a Poison unless it’s duel with Flying or Grass in your party. Like all of the other swarmers, Qwilfish is really just a Pokedex filler.

When you’re good to go, keep walking south past the Pokemon Center, beat the stupid Bird Keeper there, and enter Union Cave.

UNION CAVE

Welcome to your first cave (that stupid thing we did to get a Potion in Dark Cave doesn’t count)! It’s really easy, and you kind of have to try to get lost in order to do so, so just stay with me and you’ll be fine. Maybe.

UNION CAVE (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Geodude	20%	20%	20%
Onix	10%	10%	10%
Rattata	25%	25%	25%
Sandshrew	20%	20%	20%
Zubat	25%	25%	25%
UNION CAVE (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Geodude	35%	35%	35%
Onix	10%	10%	10%
Rattata	30%	30%	30%
Zubat	25%	25%	25%
FISHING (G/S)	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Goldeen	20%	80%	75%
Magikarp	80%	20%	20%
Seaking	–	–	5%

Usually what time of day it is doesn’t matter in caves. Sandshrew is a decent Ground Pokemon with high Defense, but absolutely no Special or natural Ground attacks. Moves like Slash and Swift are tempting, but you can get TMs of those moves pretty soon anyway. Wait a while more if you want a good Ground. You can catch a Goldeen in the waters here, but it’s really not worth it. It can learn Horn Attack, an okay Normal move, at Lv15, but nothing else really. It’s evolved form, Seaking, can also be found, but you need a Super Rod for that, and that one’s not much better. Be patient, there are other fish in the sea. Haha, aren’t I funny?! Don’t answer that.

Go left from the entrance to grab a POTION and battle a Hiker with a sort of scary Lv11 Onix. Go south than right for another trainer, than down for a fork in the road. The southern route merely contains a GREAT BALL, which is the same as the Pokeball only greater (what will they think of next?), so grab it if you like, than take the left route. Go to the next turn south and go up the stairs to a platform on the left. Battle the Pokemanic with the Slowpoke and go down the stairs up here.

Get off this platform and follow the path northwest for TM39! This is Swift, a relatively good Normal attack that will NEVER miss (unless your opponent is underground or in the air). Pretty much any Pokemon can learn it, so give it to whichever one you think is right. Now go back up the stairs to where the Pokemanic is and go south towards the water. Keep going right until you need to go south to a trainer. And voila! There’s the exit!

ROUTE 33

ROUTE 33	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Hoppip	40%	40%	–
Rattata	20%	48%	60%
Spearow	25%	12%	–
Zubat	15%	–	40%

This is just a filler route. Actually, the wild grass here is a pretty good place to train for the next Gym Leader if your levels are low. Exit the cave and look below you for a berry plant. Pick the PSNCUREBERRY and go left. Battle Hiker Anthony here. Hey, where have I mentioned Hiker Anthony before? Oh yeah, he’s the Dunsparce swarm guy! Get his phone number, and continue left into the next town.

AZALEA TOWN

This is a peaceful little town with no real worries (and cool music, might I add). Well, not anymore. As soon as you enter, you may notice a guy in all black blocking a staircase. RBY players, I hope you know who that is! Beginners, you’ll find out soon enough.

Heal yourself at the Center and check out the Mart. They have something called Charcoal on sale here, a hold item that ups Fire moves, but it’s $9,800! (Psst, I’ll let you in on a secret. You’ll get one for free kind of soon anyway. Don’t tell anybody, okay?!) Now, Super Potion is ready to be purchased. It’s the same as Potion, only it heals 50 HP instead of 20. They have also added Repel to the inventory, which is a handy item that keeps wild Pokemon lower-leveled than the first one in your party from bothering you for 100 steps. Get some if you’re up to it, and leave.

What the hell? Another one of those black-clothed people is blocking the door to the Gym! What’s going on here? Go north of the gym to a house with a berry plant above it. Pick it for a WHT APRICORN. What do these things do, you ask? Nothing yet, but be patient, young grasshopper. Enter the building there and talk to the man. He’ll go on a tangent for a little and then go storming out of the house. Walk outside and go all the way back to the stairs one of the weird people was blockading. He’s gone now, so traverse down into your next challenge.

SLOWPOKE WELL

SLOWPOKE WELL (1F)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Slowpoke	20%	20%	20%
Zubat	80%	80%	80%
FISHING	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Goldeen	10%	70%	65%
Magikarp	90%	30%	30%
Seaking	–	–	5%

If you at least have a first grade education, you should figure out what stat Slowpoke is lacking in. If you still can’t, get a job, hippie! This is the first Psychic you can catch, and it actually ain’t half bad. True, it has crappy Speed and Special, and no Psychic attacks until Confusion at Lv20, but stick with him. At Lv37, he turns into Slowbro, and all of his stats (except Speed, of course) increase about two and a half times! Also, Slowpoke now has an alternate evolution other than Slowbro. If you trade him with the King’s Rock (which we can’t get yet), he becomes Slowking! His Attack triples from Slowpoke’s, and he learns the ultimate Psychic move Psychic (yes, that’s what it’s called) at a much earlier level. By being both Water and Psychic, he could single- handedly fill two needed roster spots by himself. Just beware of the whole, you know, slow…thing.

Your mission is simple: get Azalea rid of those people dressed in black, otherwise known as Team Rocket. Talk to Kurt, and go north to meet your first of many (about thirty to be precise) Rocket Grunts. Two Rattatas, no problem. Keep going up onto the platform. Hey, a female Rocket! At least they didn’t leave you out for being the bad guys, ladies. Beat her Poison duo, and grab the SUPER POTION to your left.

Go down the stairs and left for another Rocket Grunt battle. Once that’s over, talk to the Slowpokes there, and battle the final Rocket. His Lv14 Koffing is a little tricky, especially if he uses Selfdestruct. As long as you have more than one living Pokemon in your party, you’ll win; you just won’t get the Exp. Points. Congrats on beating your first four Team Rocket members! Kurt will walk over to you and warp you back to his house.

AZALEA TOWN

Kurt will thank you for your help (well, you did all the work) and re- ward you will a LURE BALL! This is a Pokeball specifically designed to catch Pokemon you fish up! He will also agree to make you special balls out of apricorns. So that’s what they’re for! Give him the Wht Apricorn. It will take him a day (or until the next midnight) to make a Fast Ball out of it. This will catch Pokemon that have high Speed, so don’t waste it on a Slowpoke! There are seven different colored apricorns that turn into different balls, and the rest of them are pretty much grouped to- gether and easy to find.

Make sure your Pokemon are at least Lv15 for this next part. Try to leave Azalea to the west, and you’ll be stopped. Guess who? It’s that idiot Assface, and he wants to challenge you to another battle!

RIVAL BATTLE #2	LV	DIFFICULTY
Gastly	12	Annoying
Zubat	14	Simple
(Starter)	16	Depends

As you can see, he leveled up quite a bit, and added to his party of doom. He’ll send out Gastly first, who can be a pain in the butt if you don’t kill it quick. His move Lick easily Paralyzes you, so beware. He also comes with the move Spite, which is an annoying piece of crap that reduces the PP of the move you used last. It’s a hefty fine to pay if your attack has low PP to begin with. Zubat is just as easy as it was when the Rockets used it. His starter (Bayleef, Quilava, or Croconaw, depending on whatever you picked) is the hardest. Just how hard it is goes on whether or not you have a Pokemon that has a type advantage over it. If you don’t, good luck. Just keep using your strongest attack on it, and try not to bring out your starter (remember, he has whatever your weakness is). When you whoop his butt, he’ll complain about how he hates everything and run away. Man, he needs antidepressants or some- thing.

Now, it’s time to take on the Azalea Gym. Enter, and you’ll think you’ve just gone into a forest! Never mind that, and make your way around the trees (beating crappy trainers as you go) to make it to the center. Save and talk to him to start the battle.

BUGSY’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Metapod	14	Easy
Kakuna	14	Easy
Scyther	16	Ahhhh!

It has begun! Metapod and Kakuna will make you wonder, “Man, how easy is this?” They have simple attacks, and while they have good Defense, just eat away at their HP until they roll over. And now comes the Scyther. Geodude or Onix catchers, get him/her in there! It’s double weak against Rock, so kill it now. Everyone else, get ready. The major problem with Scyther is the move Fury Cutter. As long as the attack doesn’t miss, it will keep doubling its power, which may cause your strongest Pokemon to drop like flies if you dawdle too much. It’s also weak against Fire, Flying, and Electric if you don’t have a Rock with you. Just keep trying and pray for a miss to make things easier. When you finally end it, you receive the HIVEBADGE. This will make traded Pokemon up to Lv30 listen to you. You also get TM49: Fury Cutter! Unfortunately, not many can learn this technique, nor is it really any good unless you give it to a Bug (if you have a Beedrill or plan to catch a Scyther, there’s your best chance).

ILEX FOREST

Two badges down, six to go. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Hey, this is easy so far.” Well keep that arrogance up, because things are about to get a little more tricky.

If it’s been midnight since you last visited Kurt, pick up your ball, and leave him with another Wht Apricorn if you want. Our next stop is the majestic Goldenrod City, but first, we need to get through the dreaded Ilex Forest. *makes scary noises from the Halloween movies* Go to that western exit your rival stopped you at before, and go through the border house into the woods.

ILEX FOREST (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Caterpie	30%	50%	–
Metapod	20%	10%	–
Oddish	25%	25%	50%
Paras	10%	15%	30%
Zubat	20%	–	20%
ILEX FOREST (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Kakuna	12%	15%	–
Oddish	24%	40%	50%
Paras	24%	25%	30%
Weedle	20%	20%	–
Zubat	20%	–	20%
FISHING (G/S)	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Magikarp	80%	50%	20%
Poliwag	20%	50%	80%

Three new stuff we can get here, and two of which are pretty good. So let’s start with the sucky one. Paras has the dire combination of Grass and Bug, which makes it doubly weak against both Fire and Flying. Yikes! It’s also slow as crap and can’t naturally learn anymore offensive att- acks until Lv31. Parasect is better, but it still isn’t worth using. Oddish is a wonderful Grass Pokemon to use. Absorb is handy, for it steals HP from your opponent and gives it to you. Evolve it to a Gloom, and you have a choice. Give it a Leaf Stone, and you’ll get a Vileplume. It has a good Special Attack, which is perfect for a Grass type. Give your Gloom a Sun Stone, however, and you will end up with a Bellossom. This is one of the few pure Grass types in the game, which is good be- cause Poison’s weighing down of Grass attacks and weakness to Psychic gets in the way a lot. Also, Bellossom learns Solar Beam naturally, the best Grass move in the game. I prefer Bellossom over Vileplume, but the choice is yours. Finally, we have a Poliwag. This cute little armless thing grows up to become a karate-chopping monster! Its final evolution, Poliwrath, is part Water, part Fighting with a good amount of high- powered attacks it can learn. Like Oddish though, it has an alternate third form. If you trade your Poliwhirl while holding a King’s Rock, it becomes Politoed. Politoed has higher Special and Speed than Poliwrath, but I like Poliwrath better just because of the Fighting type.

There’s something we need to do before we can actually progress. Go north in the forest until you see a kid standing around. He’ll tell you he lost his Farfetch’d while on the job. Damn kids. Follow the path around until you see a bird. Click on it, and it will fly away from you. Go back and take the path right. Pick up the item ball for a REVIVE. Revives can bring a fainted Pokemon back to life in a battle, which is really handy if your strong one somehow fails. Walk right, up, and left until you see the bird again. Talk to it, and it should run down. Just keep hitting it until it goes back with the kid. Talk to the guy who joined the crowd for HM01! This is the useful Cut move, which will chop any skinny trees in your way.

With that in hand, go back to Azalea and enter the Charcoal Kiln at the eastern end of the village. Talk to the kid and he’ll thank you with a CHARCOAL! Now, wasn’t that better than buying it? Heal, and return to Ilex Forest.

Go up to where you got HM01 and you might notice a scrawny little tree just above it. Teach Cut to an Attack-based Pokemon, or someone who doesn’t have any good Normal moves that needs it. Click on that tree and it will ask you if you want to cut it. Respond yes, and a path will be clear for us! Mazel tov! Ahead of you, you’ll see the Ilex Forest Shrine. This thing is useless unless you got the GS Ball, which will allow you to catch this game’s secret legendary, Celebi. I’ll go over that in detail in the FAQ section at the bottom, you cheating piece of crap, you.

Go left, up, then along the water right. Keep following the path laid out for you until you come to a two-way fork. Take the right trail and continue until you see a green-haired kid, who appears to be peeing on a tree (well, maybe not). Disturb him and you’ll receive TM02! This is Headbutt, and not only is it a good Normal move, it’s also useful on the field as well. Notice the type of tree the kid is facing (and/or peeing on). If you use Headbutt on it, a Pokemon may come out! It’s usually a stupid Caterpie or Weedle or something like that, but sometimes it’s a rare-can’t-find-anywhere-else one. Four Pokemon can only be found in the trees here, but only two of them are available in this forest.

Exeggcute is a pretty decent Grass type, despite its stupid look (six rotten cracked eggs aren’t really useful unless you’re trying to screw with your friends…which is one of the many reasons all of mine event- ually abandoned me). It’s also part Psychic and can learn Confusion at Lv19. However, if you evolve it with a Leaf Stone beforehand, you can get an Exeggutor with Stomp and Egg Bomb. The other you can get here by Heatbutting is Pineco, which is exactly what it sounds like: an evil pinecone. It’s a Bug type that learns a lot of damaging moves, both to opponents and itself (Explosion, Take Down, Selfdestruct, Double Edge). At Lv31, it becomes a Forretress, a Bug/Steel type with high HP and Defense (with that name, I certainly hope so). It can pack a punch, but the internal damage can add up substantially. Use it if it fits your style…your reckless suicidal style.

You’ll meet the other two Headbutt-only Pokemon in the mountainous areas of Johto. For now, hop over the ledge to your left, and walk up along the path until you reach the fork once again. This time, go up through the break in the ledge, and follow the clearing until you see the exit house. Enter it, and talk to the lady behind the counter for TM12! This is Sweet Scent, which will raise Accuracy in battle, and attract wild Pokemon in the field.

ROUTE 34

ROUTE 34	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Abra	12%	12%	12%
Ditto	12%	12%	12%
Drowzee	40%	40%	40%
Rattata	36%	36%	36%
FISHING	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Corsola*	–	10%	25%
Kingler	–	–	25%
Krabby	90%	40%	50%
Magikarp	10%	50%	–
Staryu*	–	10%	25%

A bunch of new Pokemon we can get on this relatively short road. The worst is Abra, but it turns out to be the best when it evolves at Lv16. It only has Teleport and is tied for the worst HP in the game, but like we know with Magikarp, big things come in little packages. Actually, that statement makes really no sense in a literal standpoint, but neither does fire-breathing dogs, electrically-charged sheep, and ele- phants with psychokinetic abilities. Just go with it, okay? When Abra evolves, it learns Confusion, plus Disable and Psybeam not too long aft- erwards. Kadabra and Alakazam also have very good Speed and Special Att- ack, causing a lot of One-Hit-KOs before your opponent can even flinch. Catching one can be a chore (Speed and Teleport is a pretty good combin- ation) but it’s worth it. Bring out your Gastly with Mean Look if you’re having trouble. Drowzee (the aforementioned elephant with psychokinetic abilities) is just about the same as Abra, only with extremely low Speed. It’s Defense isn’t that great either, so go with Abra if you’re looking for a Psychic. Ditto is an interesting character. It’s only move is Transform, but it takes the shape, type, and attacks of whatever Pokemon it’s up against. Unfortunately, the stats remain put, which sucks because they aren’t that good. Ditto’s main purpose is for breed- ing, because it can go with pretty much any Pokemon out there (even ones that don’t have a gender, like Voltorb and Magnemite). Don’t ask me how that’s possible, you sick whackjob, just use it to your advantage.

Next, the fishing Pokemon. Krabby and Kingler (its evolution) are pretty cool with moves with Vicegrip, Guillotine, and Crabhammer. However, their Special is absolutely terrible, which spells disaster for Water types. I wouldn’t teach it any Water moves, but they can be good for strong attackers. Corsola’s weird since it’s both Water and Rock types, a combination that holds a lot of weaknesses. Some attacks are good, like Bubblebeam at Lv25 and the deadly Ancientpower all the way at Lv43, but it’s not worth it other than that. Staryu is better. It also learns Bubblebeam, plus some cool defensive moves along the way. It’s evolved form, Starmie, is part Psychic, but doesn’t learn any of those attacks naturally. Stick with Poliwag if you have one, or wait until better Water-types come up (like you could catch it now anyway).

Let’s move on, shall we? Just keep going up along the wild grass while battling the trainers who are there. Watch out for the Officer around here! He won’t do anything in the day, but he’ll sic his Lv17 Growlithe on you in the dark! Around where that Officer is, you’ll come to a house to your right. This is the Pokemon Day Care Center! They can raise two of your Pokemon if you don’t feel like leveling them up yourself. One step you take equals one Exp. Point gained. This place is handy for two reasons: 1) If you’re trying to fill your Pokedex and you have one that needs to evolve, use this place to level it up while not wasting time training your actual party. And 2) BREEDING! Ditto could not have come at a better time, huh? Give one to the man and one to the woman and if you walk around a lot, the man will be outside waiting to give you an egg!

Speaking of eggs, has the one Elm gave you hatched yet? If it did, you will find out it is the shell filled with joy, Togepi! You’ll soon dis- cover it really wasn’t worth the time you spent lugging it around in your party. The only damaging attack it will ever learn is Metronome, a move that will do any random move in the game. And it’s stats are so low, you won’t even want to use it in order to turn into its evol- ution, Togetic. Togetic is a lot better, but you’ll need to make it happy in order to get one. That means you’ll have to use it A LOT, which can be a major drag. Good luck to ya!

We’re almost there! Walk north from the Day Care to battle Camper Todd’s Psyduck, and continue up into Goldenrod City.

GOLDENROD CITY

Let’s explore this huge city and try not to get lost. Heal your team at the Center above and to the left of you, then go across the street to a gigantic Pokemart! This place is a freaking six stories tall! All of the floors have a wide selection of items to buy, but check out 5F. This floor sells some pretty good TMs at reasonable prices. There’s TM33, TM41, and TM48: the elemental punches (Ice Punch, Thunder Punch, and Fire Punch). There’s also another TM02 you can buy, just in case you feel you gave Headbutt to the wrong Pokemon. Also, there’s a lady here who gives away free TMs on Sundays. If the first Pokemon in your party likes you when you talk to her, you’ll receive TM27! This is Return, a Normal attack which will increase in power the more the Pokemon loves you. Awww, how cute. However, if your lead Pokemon hates you, instead you get TM21. Frustration is the same as Return, only it’s more powerful the more the user dislikes you. Ain’t that nice? Also, speak to the girl standing alone on this floor. Now you can use the Mystery Gift! If you have two Game Boy Colors (not Advance) and another Gold/Silver/Crystal game, you can get free stuff everyday! Chances are you don’t have all that stuff, but if you do, you’re a nerd…I mean, more power to you.

Go north from the Mart and take the next left to an alleyway. Continue left and then south the first chance you get. The next house west of you is Bill’s residence. He’s not home, but get his number from his sister. He will automatically call you if your Pokemon Box is getting full. Handy. Leave and go down into the next house you see. Welcome to the Underground Tunnel! There are some trainers down here, so battle them at will. Pick up the COIN CASE at the southern end. Now we can do some gambling! Hooray for reckless spending of money! There’s also a few Black Market shops down here. On weekends, an old lady sells bitter med- icine. They’re just like Potions and such, only they’re cheaper. The downside is that they make your Pokemon hate you, so I’d stick with Pokemart items. On everyday but Monday, the Barber Brothers are in busi- ness. Get your Pokemon a haircut to make it look fabulous (damn it, I said I wouldn’t do that again!). This make your team like you more, so do it if you use a bitter item. On Mondays, an old geezer is there in- stead selling worthless trinkets. However, they can be sold for more than you buy them, so use your scalping expertise to your advantage. Since the east wing of this place is locked, exit this odd place.

Directly north of the Pokemon Center you’ll find the Game Corner. You can play either Slots or this new Card Flip Game. It’s rather annoying and pretty much involves no skill at anything, but it’s kind of addict- ing. The good part about the Game Corner are the prizes:

GAME CORNER PRIZES	COST
Abra	700
Ekans (Gold)	700
Sandshrew (Silver)	700
Dratini	2100
TM14 (Blizzard)	5500
TM25 (Thunder)	5500
TM38 (Fire Blast)	5500

The TMs you can win here are the best of their respective types, so I’d think about getting them. If you had trouble catching an Abra in the wild, you can buy one here for only 700 Coins. Ekans is also available for Gold, and Sandshrew for Silver (the only place you’ll be able to find them if you’re playing those specific versions). If you’re patient or willing enough to pay a crapload of money on a Pokemon, Dratini is the way to go. It’s the only pure Dragon, arguably (but only argued by idiots) the best type in the game. It learns a bunch of powerful attacks at early levels, like Slam and Dragon Rage. At Lv55, it evolves into Dragonite, a Pokemon ranked into the top three of all time. It’s 100% worth the hassle, so get it early now if you plan on raising this kick- ass thingamajig.

In the middle path, go north until you see railroad tracks. Go west be- fore them to reach the Radio Tower. Inside here, you can play the Lott- ery game, which will give you stuff if your ID Number matches whatever comes up. It’s extremely rare you win anything at all, but a perfect match gets you a MASTER BALL (a Pokeball which will catch anything with- out fail), so give it a shot. To the right of that guy is a lady you’ll ask you questions. Use your unlimited Pokemon knowledge to answer them, or just cheat and look at the correct answers here, you piece of crap: Yes, Yes, No, Yes, No. Passing awards you with the RADIO CARD! Now you can listen to the radio in your Pokegear instead of barging into other people’s houses to do so. Since we can’t do anything else here now, exit and walk all the way to the right.

Go south at the end and talk to the lady in the next house. She will tell you exactly how much your lead Pokemon loves you (or not). That’ll be handy if something needs Happiness to evolve. Leave and keep going down to the Bike Shop. Business is slow, so he’ll let you borrow a BICYCLE to advertise. Once you ride it enough, he’ll just give it to you to keep.

The last point of interest in Goldenrod (for now) is the Name Rater. He is located across the street from the Gym in the northern section of town, and his purpose in life is to rename your Pokemon. So, if you nicknamed your character something that you spelled wrong, or a person you no longer like, or something you thought was really cool and witty back then and now you realized it’s completely retarded, this man is God to you. However, you can’t rename a Pokemon you received in a trade (so sorry if you went against my words and traded for the Onix named Rocky).

Technically, we can battle the gym leader here, but there’s a bunch of trainers we can battle, a load of new Pokemon we can catch, and quite a plethora of crap we can accomplish beforehand (you like the word plethora, don’t you?). I say we get in as much as we can do before must come face to face with the unbelievably annoying Whitney. So let’s trek northward en route to the National Park!

ROUTE 35

ROUTE 35	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Abra	20%	20%	20%
Ditto	8%	8%	8%
Drowzee	25%	25%	25%
Hoothoot	–	–	8%
Nidoran (f)	23%	23%	23%
Nidoran (m)	16%	16%	16%
Pidgey	8%	8%	–
Yanma	<1%*	<1%*	<1%*

Finally, the Nidorans make their appearance. These two are practically the same with the only difference being that Nidoran male is, of course, stronger. On the other hand, Nidoran female is better at cooking, clean- ing, ironing, organizing, thinking, and pretty much everything else. But none of that really matters in the Pokemon world except for strength. Plus, Nidoran male learns better attacks earlier, but everything between the two pretty much evens out by the time they evolve. A lot of people don’t like the Nidorats, but I’m rather fond of them but they’re kind of reliable, despite the crappy type combination (Poison/Ground). The other new guy here is Yanma, a stupid swarmer. If you try to use this guy in your party, I commend you for your effort, but you are one crazy mofo. Just catch this weak flying bug during a swarm and stick it in your box, never to look at its ugly face again.

These trainers are actually kinda sorta maybe a little tiny bit diff- icult if your behind on your leveling (you should have at least four Pokemon by now, all of which Lv15 or higher). However, these people are lunch meat compared to the Goldenrod gym leader, so use these unsuspect- ing bystanders for sustenance. Before the house, take the right into the wild grass. Battle Bugcatcher Arnie at the end, and get his number. Now he can alert you when Yanmas appear in this here grass. Go south from him, battle the trainer here, and continue north up the left side for TM04! This is Rollout, a pretty sweet Rock move that will grow in attack, but will continue nonstop for 2-5 turns. Now, go all the way back to the main road, and enter the border house at the top.

NATIONAL PARK

NATIONAL PARK (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Caterpie	40%	30%	–
Hoothoot	–	–	100%
Metapod	30%	20%	–
Pidgey	30%	30%	–
Sunkern	–	20%	–
NATIONAL PARK (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Hoothoot	–	–	100%
Kakuna	30%	20%	–
Pidgey	30%	30%	–
Sunkern	–	20%	–
Weedle	40%	30%	–

Despite its scrawny peanut bag look, Sunkern ain’t half bad. It stats are terrible, but you can evolve it right away with a Sun Stone. As Sun- flora, it learns the same great attacks at the same levels, but its Special pretty much doubles. What’s not to like there?! Well, except the pansyish appearance, but you can live with it, hippie.

For a National Park, there sure isn’t a lot to do. Where are the swing- sets and slides and those merry-go-around things that you fall off and break your arm?! All that’s here are stupid trainers and a couple of decent items we can collect. Upon entering, go to the right side and talk to the lady on the bench. Listen to her blabbering and you’ll get the QUICK CLAW! When a Pokemon holds this, it will sometimes attack first, no matter how much it sucks at Speed. This is perfect to use on, uh, um…I forget the name, but it’s that Pokemon who’s always so slow and…pokey. Yeah, that one.

Now go up into the main section of the park and battle the crappy train- ers if you want. In the very northeast side, see the part of the fence that seems to have no rung. Walk through it and go south and east to a PARLYZ HEAL. Now go the opposite way, remaining on the outskirts of the fence. Walk all the way around (bearing left at the fork) and you’ll come to TM28! In all Pokemon games so far, TM28 always turns out to be Dig, an attack that your guy dives underground for the first turn, and then pop up and attack on the second. It also provides you with the same function as the Escape Rope, so now you don’t have to spend money on them.

Pretty much the only major event that takes place here are the Bug Catching competitions. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, you can enter one of these contests for free. Here’s how they work. You get 20 minutes to catch the best Bug Pokemon you can find in the park. Sounds easy, huh? Not really. First of all, you can only bring one Pokemon from your team onto the field. You also must use Park Balls, which are even worse than Pokeballs, and you only get 20 of them! Crapshait! But I guarantee you that it’s absolutely worth it. The prizes you could get are pretty damn rare, plus there is a barrage of new Pokemon that are uncatchable anywhere else!

BUG CATCHING CONTEST	ALL DAY
Beedrill	4%
Butterfree	4%
Caterpie	20%
Kakuna	14%
Metapod	14%
Paras	8%
Pinsir	4%
Scyther	4%
Venonat	8%
Weedle	20%

Well, Silver players, this is the first and only time the Caterpie ev- olutionary set is available to you (the same goes for Gold and Weedle). Venonat can learn some Psychic moves, but it’s sickeningly low Special Attack won’t do them justice. True, it turns into the high flying (yet not Flying type) Venomoth all the way at LV31, but by that time you’ve already given up on it. Now for the two top dogs. Scyther is the best with some cool moves (including False Swipe, which will always leave 1HP on your opponent in case you want to catch it). It now can evolve into the Steel-type Scizor, which will pump up Attack and Defense in exchange for Speed. You saw first-hand how freaking annoying beating a Scyther can be against Bugsy, so catch it and try this dude for yourself. Pinsir is also pretty good, but not quite up there. It has no evolution and is pure Bug, yet no natural Bug attacks. Its stats are almost identical to Scyther, so go with that one if you must.

Make sure your Pokemon has a berry or something since you’re not allowed to use items in here. You can only hold one captured Bug at a time, but you can trade up if you catch a better one. Jeez, so many stupid res- trictions! What am I, back at Sunday School? When time is up, or you run out of Park Balls, or you choose the Quit option, the judging begins. They rate it based on level and rarity of the Pokemon (Pinsir is a crap load better than a Caterpie). First place gets you a SUN STONE, which, if you’ve been paying attention this entire time, evolves certain Grass Pokemon. If you haven’t been paying attention, don’t make me give you a pop quiz, you bratty punk! Second gets you an EVERSTONE, which will stop an evolution from occurring (in my opinion, one of the most worthless items out there). If you get third place, a reward of a GOLD BERRY. It does the same as a regular Berry, only your guy is healed 30HP on its own. Everyone else gets an ordinary BERRY. Plus, no matter how bad you did, you keep whatever you caught. In the words of Peter Griffin, “Freakin’ sweet!”

GOLDENROD CITY

That’s about all you can do without the Plain Badge, so do some final leveling up (preferably Lv18-Lv20) and return to Goldenrod. You probably saw the Gym as you were exploring this place. If you didn’t, you might want to check if your retina has detached recently. Nevertheless, enter the Goldenrod Gym at the northeast section of the city.

As you can see, we actually have a little bit of a maze to figure out before we reach the leader. Don’t worry, it’s cake. Mmm…cake. *drools* Uh, right, anywho, just take the path between the Pokeball pillars up to your first trainer battle. Three Sentrets? What crap is this? Let’s make it a little more challenging! Walk all the way right, then go south tak- ing the left path that sort of juts in. Once you’re at the bottom, you have made it to the center area! Battle the Snubbull girl here, walk upwards until you find another trainer, and above her is Whitney! Save and talk to her to initiate battle sequence.

WHITNEY’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Clefairy	18	Medium
Miltank	20	Blah!

Oh, how nice it would be if Fighting Pokemon were available to you. Well, they aren’t (unless you cheated, you piece of crap), so live with it. Clefairy’s pretty easy to beat, but it could spell disaster if you are unlucky. It’s best attack, Metronome, randomly does any attack in the game. Just hope it doesn’t do anything that’s a disadvantage to your type and beat away at it. Miltank is a little more…okay…A LOT more annoying. It likes to do Rollout, that Rock attack that increases in damage the more it’s used, and can make your strongest partner godown before you know it. If you have one, try using an attack that will lower its accuracy. That way, it won’t nail the consecutive hits it need to keep strengthening up. Another attack it likes to use is Attract. This itchy with a “b” move will cause a Pokemon of the opposite gender not to attack 50% of the time. Ahhh! If your guy falls in love with this cow (oh, haven’t we all?), the only way to nullify this is to switch out. Also, since Miltanks are all females, it can’t use Attract if you have a girl Pokemon out of your own (there’s a constitutional amendment in the Pokemon world against that). Anyway, eat away at Miltank’s large HP (while it replenishes its health with Milk Drink) and you’ll be pro- claimed victor!

What the…? This brat won’t give you your rightfully earned badge! Just walk away and the trainer here will get whinny Whitney out of her hissy fit. Then she’ll give you the PLAINBADGE and TM45! Alright, now you can reek havoc on your own with Attract!

RETURNING HOME TO NEW BARK

Okay, now we have three official Pokemon League Badges in our possess- ion! Look at how shiny they are. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! So bright and sparkly! Anyway, there are just a few things to do before we continue to the next town, so lets do so before we get more of these prettylishous thingamabobs!

From the Goldenrod Gym, go right and enter the northern most building. Talk to the women in the Flower Shop to receive the handy-dandy SQUIRT- BOTTLE! Whoop-de-freaking-do! Exit the house, and exit Goldenrod all to- gether. Don’t cry, we’ll come back to this majestic city one day. In the northern border house, talk to the guard behind the counter. He will ask you if you could take a letter to his chubby sleepy friend on Route 31. You have to clear a space in your party, for he will also give you his Spearow along with it. Kenya? What kind of name is that?! Well, I prefer Uganda myself, but whatever.

Go back up Route 35 and go right through the wild grass (or go through the National Park and exit east if you don’t feel like battling). Cut the tree by Bugcatcher Arnie, and continue up that skinny path. Go right when you get a chance, then up when you reach a dead-end. Here, cut the tree and… What? Cut isn’t working on this funny looking tree? That’s odd. I could’ve sworn that’s what we’re supposed to do. Well, I’m at a loss here. I guess you’re going to check with another guide on this one because… Wait! I have an idea! Why don’t you use the Squirtbottle on this tree. I know, it sounds crazy, but trust me on this one. Do it! Hey! It worked! Oh no, the funny tree is attacking?! This, ladies and gentlemen, is the pure-Rock Pokemon Sudowoodo! It’s actually pretty damn good because of its high HP, good attacks, and resistance to Normal moves. The down side? This is the ONLY opportunity to catch it, so don’t screw up. Just save before you awaken it and restart if you fail.

Now that we have that out of the way, go right. Talk to the first guy you see here and you’ll receive TM08! This is Rock Smash, a pathetic Fighting attack that does hardly any damage, even to Rocks! Its real purpose it on the field, where you can break weak-looking rocks out of your path. Awesome-o! Plus, if it’s Thursday, talk to Arthur at the top here. You’ll receive the HARD STONE, which will up Rock-type moves. We are just Rock crazy over here!

If you keep going southeast, you’ll end up in Violet again. Take the south exit out of town (the one towards Union Cave), and continue on Route 32 until you see a tree on the left side of a headbutt bush and a rock…thing. Cut the tree and walk up to talk to the man here. Will someone tell him to turn the Caps Lock off? He’ll give you TM05! This is Roar, an attack that will scare off wild Pokemon and switch out another trainer’s. Jump over the ledge and return to Violet.

Make sure you have Togepi in your party, then exit east into Route 31. Hey, weren’t we supposed to deliver something to someone on Route 31? Jump over the ledge to your right and talk to the chubby sleepy guy next to the Berry Tree. He’ll read the letter and give you TM50 as thanks. TM50 is Nightmare, a Ghost move that will make your opponent lose 1/4 of its HP every turn. Unfortunately, it needs to be asleep for it to work, which is kind of a bummer. Make sure to say goodbye to Kenya before you go. Okay, don’t actually talk to your Game Boy…especially if you’re in public (personal experience).

Remember what that letter said? Let’s take it up on that. Take a deep breath of fresh air and enter Dark Cave. Use Flash as soon as you enter so we can actually see what the hell we’re doing. Go up and right along the designated path, and then left over the ledge. Walk straight down and use Rock Smash on this weak rock here. Mazel tov! Continue right and break the next rock in the same fashion. Just keep walking until you hit a fork. Take the upper route by once again smashing another rock using that…rock…smashing…thing. Walk up and around the bend until you see an item on your left. Pick it up for a HYPER POTION. Hop over the ledge and go south on the right hand side to grab a FULL HEAL. This item will cure your Pokemon of any status condition, such as Poison or Sleep. Continue going down, down, down (smashing a rock in the pro- cess) until the exit is in sight.

Once outside, two Berry Trees are to your left. Pick them if you wish, then jump over the ledge to your south. Choose any ledge you want here; they all lead to trainers (I’d go with left just because the girl there has Ponytas, and they’re cool). Whatever way to go, just go south and you’ll end up in familiar territory. Go through the border house below you to return to Route 29. Continue southeast until you’re back in your old stomping grounds (whatever that means).

Go visit your mommy if you care, then go into Prof. Elm’s lab. He’ll be all excited and crap about the egg, and award you with the EVERSTONE. Oh…boy? Now, he’ll update you with information about the egg, which really isn’t that helpful. Just know that Two Pokemon + Daycare = Egg, and Egg + Walk Around With It = Hatched Egg, and Pudding + Mayonnaise = A Barfing Fit For The Next Couple Of Hours.

ROAD TO ECRUTEAK

Now we can go on! Exit west out of New Bark into Route 29. It’s a lot easier now that you have Cut so that you can take the alternate path instead of battling crappy Lv3 Pokemon (remember when you thought they were hard? Good times, good times). Here we are in Cherrygrove again. Just go north out of here and take this road all the way up to Violet. Walk all the way through town to the northwest exit and soon you’ll find yourself where Sudowoodo once was.

If you want, you can go all the way back to Goldenrod and receive a HP UP from the guard you just helped out. It will up the total HP of one Pokemon by one point, so it might be worth it (you never know when one point will come in handy). From the Sudowoodo spot, go west a little then north into Route 37.

ROUTE 37 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Growlithe	30%	15%	10%
Hoothoot	–	–	20%
Pidgeotto	–	10%	–
Pidgey	50%	30%	–
Spinarak	–	–	30%
Stantler	20%	45%	40%
ROUTE 37 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Hoothoot	–	–	70%
Ledyba	30%	–	–
Pidgeotto	–	10%	–
Pidgey	40%	30%	–
Stantler	15%	45%	15%
Vulpix	15%	15%	15%

Hey, Fire types! Shibby! Growlithe (for Gold only) is my very favorite Pokemon ever, and it doesn’t take more than one look at its adorable puppy face to see why. Plus it has great stats that only get better as it grows. Give it a Fire Stone for an Arcanine, the best Fire in the game (excluding legendaries like Ho-oh and Entei). Don’t fret, Silver players, Vulpix is pretty decent for a Fire as well, despite its low Special early on. However, evolve it into a Ninetales and see what kind of damage it can do. I’d definitely use both in my partyrino. Stantler, on the other hand, is yet another useless Normal type. While its stats are surprisingly high, it can’t evolve or learn decent attacks. If you’re a deer lover, catch it and keep it in your box.

Veer right into the wild grass here and above it are three Berry Trees. Or are they? *dramatic music* Here are three of the seven apricorns in Johto! Whoo-hoo! The RED APRICORN makes a LEVEL BALL, which catches Pokemon at a lower lever than your starter. The BLU APRICORN becomes a LURE BALL. In case you forgot, that ball specializes in Pokemon you reel in from fishing. And the BLK APRICORN turns into a HEAVY BALL, which is good for capturing Pokemon on the chubby side. I wouldn’t suggest bring- ing them to Kurt just yet since Azalea a little out of the way (the only routes to get there for now are either Ilex Forest or Union Cave). Wait a little later to pay him a visit.

Also, the Sunday gift giver is in this location by the apricorns. She will bestow you with the MAGNET, which boosts Electric moves. Shibby! Get out of that little area and continue northward on the leftmost side. Twin trainers are waiting for you, then a Psychic with a tough LV17 Drowzee. Get them out of your way, and walk up to enter the next town.

ECRUTEAK CITY

Go to the Pokemon Center here. You’ll finally meet Bill, the guy in charge of your Pokemon Storage operation. He’ll inform you that the Time Capsule is finally ready to be used! Yay, now we can go back in time and stop the robots from enslaving the human race! Or we can now trade Pokemon with the Red/Blue/Yellow versions. Damn, it’s probably the latter one. Also, you can follow Bill back to Goldenrod to get yourself an Eevee! I absolutely love love love LOVE Eevee! At first, you might think of it as a stupid pointless Normal type, but don’t jump to any conclusions, my friend. You can actually evolve this thing five diff- erent ways! Thunder Stone = Electric-type Jolteon, Water Stone = Water- type Vaporeon, and Fire Stone = Fire-type Flareon. Plus the two new evolutions: Espeon and Umbreon. Unfortunately, they are only available through Happiness, so it’ll be a while until you can get one. If you tame it all the way in the morning or day, it will evolve into the Psy- chic-type Espeon, which has one of the best Special Attack in the game. Make it happy at night, and you’ll receive the Dark-type Umbreon. No matter who you evolve it into, they’re all good choices. One of the best parties I’ve ever raised was a team of all the Eevee evolutions, so you may want to use it to fill an empty void.

Back in Ecruteak, enter the house left of the Pokemon Center. The boy here will give you the ITEMFINDER! Now you can detect items that aren’t visible to the naked eye! That’ll teach those tricky camouflaged jerks! Now, go to the house above the Center. This apparently is some kind of dance hall (if you read the sign outside the building, you might have known that already). The man here says that if you beat all five of his girls in battle, he’ll give you something special. Well, we have nothing better to do, so take him up on that. The five girls all have Japanese names and they all have Lv17 evolved Eevees. From left to right, they go Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Vaporeon, Jolteon. Just move a Pokemon that has the type advantage in front and you should be fine. Once all are beaten, talk to the man in the hat again to receive HM03! This is Surf, a Water move that does a decent amount of damage. Plus, you can ride one of your Pokemon across the water to reach destinations that were prev- iously…unreachable.

You need to beat the Gym Leader here in order to use Surf, which we will do in a little while. But like Whitney, there’s other stuff we should do outside Ecruteak before we take on Morty. Not a lot, but a few things that may turn out to be useful. So, take the western exit out of Ecru- teak to Route 38.

ROUTES 38 & 39

ROUTE 38 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Farfetch’d	20%	20%	–
Magnemite	20%	20%	20%
Miltank	10%	10%	10%
Raticate	20%	20%	30%
Rattata	20%	20%	30%
Snubbull	<1%*	<1%*	<1%*
Tauros	10%	10%	10%
ROUTE 38 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Farfetch’d	20%	20%	–
Magnemite	20%	20%	20%
Meowth	20%	20%	30%
Miltank	10%	10%	10%
Raticate	20%	20%	30%
Snubbull	<1%*	<1%*	<1%*
Tauros	10%	10%	10%

Pretty much everything here is brand new to us (maybe not Rattata), so allow me to file my daily report. Farfetch’d is available to catch for the first time (you had to trade for it in R/B/Y), but it’s not that exciting. Its stats are disappointing, it doesn’t learn any decent moves until Lv31, and the Flying/Normal combination blows. But it’s so cute with that stick and everything that you really can’t help to catch it as a memento. Meowth is a boring old Normal type, Silver players, but it has good Speed and learns neat Dark attacks down the road. Nevertheless, Meowth pales in comparison to another pure Normal here: Tauros. This guy is extremely quick on his feet and powerful in Attack. Give it a few strong physical moves, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Miltank is the female Tauros with higher Defense, but lower everything else. She does have two cow-only attacks (Milk Drink and Heal Bell), but they’re both defensive and not worth it. Snubbull is yet another pure Normal with cruddy stats and no useful moves. You saw how easy it is to kill it in trainer battles, so don’t force that crap on yourself. Magnemite is the only non-Normal here and is it a good choice. This little bugger has changed a lot in G/S/C. Well, really only one thing changed, but it’s a biggie: it’s now Electric/Steel instead of just Electric. I like Magne- mite because you can use its strong Electric attacks on offense, and its strong Steel exterior for defense. Just keep it the hell away from Ground-types.

From the entrance from Ecruteak, go left while keeping north as much as humanly possible. If you continue going northwest until you reach a dead end, you’ll battle Schoolboy Chad with a Lv17 Mr. Mime. Talk to him af- terwards and get his phone number, for he is the Snubbull swarm person. Wow. Isn’t that a fulfilling job. By the way, if you take Route 38 from the southern path, you’ll find a BERRY. Why is that important, you ask? Oh, you’ll see. Mwhaha…mwhaha…MWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, something in my throat. Go west to Route 39.

The Pokemon here are the same as Route 38 only with no Snubbull. Huge loss. Anyway, continue west and you’ll find yourself in a farm! Oh give me a home…where the Tauros roam…where the Stantler and the… Sorry, that was mighty stupid. You should really be used to my crap by now though (my mom takes tons of medication becuse of me). Go inside the bigger house and the farmer here will tell you some interesting infor- mation…I guess. Enter the leftmost house (barn) and you’ll see a Miltank and two girls. In order to fix the cow here, you need to give it a total of seven Berries! What the crap?! If you do so, you’ll receive TM13! This is Snore, a pretty sweet attack that will allow your Pokemon to attack while Sleeping. It doesn’t do much, but it’s better than sitting around doing nothing like a lazy bum. It’s okay, I can make fun of homeless people because they don’t have computers. The same thing goes with the Amish (stay turned for an Amish joke later on)!

Just go south on the path on Route 39, battling the crappy Pokefans as you go, and you’ll eventually reach Olivine City.

OLIVINE CITY

As soon as you enter this place and the Violet music rolls (copycats), you’ll meet up with a familiar foe. It’s Assface, and he’s pissed off about some more stuff. Doesn’t he just lift your spirits? When that’s over, go past the gym and down, entering the first house you see. Say you want to fish and the man will give you the GOOD ROD. Finally! Now we can catch more than Magikarp and other stupid stuff.

From the fisherman’s door, the Pokemart is to the right and the Pokemon Center is just below you. Find the house left of the Center and walk in. Talk to the man sitting down here and take HM04 from him! This is the Strength move, a strong Normal attack and a convenience on the field. This will move mobile boulders out of your way, which will be somewhat vital in the next thing we’re about to do. I want your bod!

Just one more small thing before we return to Ecruteak. Go all the way left of the little Diner you just exited until the music changes. If it’s Monday, Monica will be there waiting to give you the SHARP BEAK. This ups Flying-type moves if you need it. Now go all the way northeast back to Ecruteak. At the upper-left corner of the town, you might notice an odd looking tower. Make sure you’re all healed up and save beforehand and walk on through the door.

BURNED TOWER

Ah, long time no see. What? You want some of this? Oh, you’re asking for it, biznatch! Well, if you want a piece of me, COME AND GET IT!

RIVAL BATTLE #3	LV	DIFFICULTY
Haunter	20	Easier than before
Magnemite	18	Got Ground?
Zubat	20	Give me a break!
(Starter)	22	Again: Depends

Your rival opens the battle up with Haunter, who actually has the same moves as it did before when it was a Gastly. It really shouldn’t be any problem, just look out for that Spite! Magnemite will pretty much take one hit if you have something with a Ground attack. Otherwise, bring out your strongest guy (Fire or Fighting recommended) to easily take care of it. Zubat is also a little stuck in the past. If you have Psychic, Ele- ctric, or Rock, it should be no prob, dog. The biggest problem you’ll face will be from his starter (Bayleef, Quilava, or Croconaw). It’s a little up there level wise, and probably stronger than your average dude. Like before, if you have a type advantage over it (and you prob- ably should by this point), use it! The quicker you kill it, the less it can do with its somewhat damaging moves. When you beat him, he’ll cont- inue acting like an assface, then storm out.

BURNED TOWER (1F)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Koffing	40%	40%	40%
Raticate	15%	15%	15%
Rattata	35%	35%	35%
Zubat	10%	10%	10%
BURNED TOWER (B1)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Koffing	40%	40%	40%
Magmar	15%	25%	5%
Rattata	35%	25%	45%
Zubat	10%	10%	10%

Koffing is pretty good with okay stats and cool moves (like Poison Gas, which always plagues your opponent with Poison). But again I stress that you don’t carry a pure Poison in your party. Plus, do you really want something that looks like it’s constantly farting? You do? What the hell is wrong with you?! I’ll give you the number to my therapist later, al- right. Magmar is a good Fire-type that learns the kick-ass Fire Punch at Lv19 and Flamethrower at Lv41. It even gives birth to a brand new Poke- mon: Magby, which ain’t that bad either. I prefer Arcanine and Ninetales myself, but Magmar is definitely one to consider.

Okay, now that we have that nuisance gone, let’s explore this strange place. Go right until you see a rock that can be smashed. Make sure you don’t fall into the hole (that badly graphed black rectangle thing), for it will bring you down to the Basement. Use Rock Smash and continue up for a trainer. After that, go up and nab the BURN HEAL if you want, but you ultimately want to drop into the hole right here. Now in the base- ment, you’ll see rocks above you, including one oddly colored square one. These are the boulders you can move using Strength, so equip Stren- gth from whomever you taught it to, and push the rock here up. This will open the path for you to take TM20! This is Endure, a defensive move that will guarantee your Pokemon won’t faint on the next turn. However, the accuracy of the move will decrease the more you use it, so plan wisely.

Now hop over the ledge to your left and go all the way south. Take the ladder here to return to the entrance of this weird place. This time, go left around the center and drop down the northernmost spot on the huge hole here. Damn alliteration. Anyway, if you did it correctly, you should land right next to an item ball. Grab it for an HP UP. Now, jump over the two ledges below you and take the ladder once again.

Now we can do what we came here to do. Go up the left side and smash the rock at the top. Walk up and right until Firebreather Dick (hehe) att- acks you with his Charmeleon. Walk down past him and fall into the hole at the very center. You’ll land south of a ledge with three very strange creatures on it. They just sit there with stone cold faces, just like an Amish housewife. Oh snap, I did not just say that! Whoo, that was def- inately worth it. Anywho, try to go up the ledge, and some crazy crap will happen! Ahhh!

Congratulations, you just released the wrath of Entei, Raikou, and Sui- cune onto the world! These three extremely fast Pokemon will appear in random places around Johto so you can catch them. The problem is that, because of their Speed, they will automatically flee once you try to attack! What the &%$@! Don’t worry, you can track it on your Pokedex Map to see where each one is hiding once you battle it. They will change positions whenever you do, so you just have to plan out how you can meet up with them at the same time. If you engage it in battle, your best op- tion is to put it to Sleep (Mean Look doesn’t necessarily work since all three have Roar). Then inch down its HP until it flees again (the dam- age you’ve done to it will be there the next time you encounter it). Just make sure not to KO it since it will be gone forever if you do. Once you get a Master Ball, getting at least one of them will be easier. For the other two, use special things like Fast Balls or Heavy Balls. Even Ultra Balls are pretty useless against them.

Entei (Fire), Raikou (Electric), and Suicune (Water) are have the best stats and moves for their respective types. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to raise them A LOT in order to get the moves you want (they all learn their good attacks at freaking Lv71). But you can teach them a bunch of TMs and HMs that correspond to their types (there are enough of them out there), that plus their outstanding Speed will produce one hot shot team! Good luck trying to catch them though!

Jump down over the two ledges back to that ladder. Take it up and exit the Burned Tower.

Morty’s Gym Leader

If your Pokemon are Lv20 and above, this creep shouldn’t really be a problem for you. The one thing I would recommend is to buy a whole bunch of Awakenings. The people in this gym like to use Hypno- sis, so pack some just in case. You might also want to stack up on Super Potions for your journey.

Enter the Gym at the southwest corner of the city. Walk up onto the red- ish floor and battle the first Sage here. Everyone has the Gastly evol- utionary set, so Psychic and Ground are good choices here. Also, watch out for the move Curse. It will cut your opponent’s HP in half, but also take away 1/4 of yours every turn. That’s ghastly! No worries, since you can just switch out before the curse can take effect. You cheating piece of crap.

Try to continue up on the floor past the trainer and you return to the entrance of the gym! Oh crimney! The puzzle is relatively simple: just walk straight in line with the trainer, then go up when you’re one step away from the edge. Just keep doing this until you beat the four train- ers, then go straight up to take on Morty. Heal, save, and commence!

MORTY’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Gastly	21	Easy
Haunter	21	Okay
Haunter	23	Lil Harder
Gengar	25	Tricky

Once again, you should have no problem with Psychics or Grounds. If you don’t, it’ll be a little more difficult, but I think you can handle it. All four have Curse, and most of them have the deadly Hypnosis/Dream Eater combination (aren’t you glad you have those Awakenings). Gengar can be a pest with Shadow Ball, a cool and damaging Ghost move, and Mean Look, which will blow up in your face if you’ve been Cursed. Like all other tricky opponents, eat away at its HP with whatever you got. When it’s over, you’ll receive the FOGBADGE and TM30, Shadow Ball! Make sure you teach that to something good (no Snubbulls!).

BACK TO OLIVINE

Hooray! We now officially have half of Johto’s Gym Badges. Go ahead, throw yourself a party (just don’t feel depressed when no one comes to it. It’s all a part of being a Pokemon fan). But don’t get carried away in your celebrating too much, for your adventure is about to get a few flat tires in the future. I hate metaphors.

Exit Ecruteak to the west and take the two roads back down to Olivine City. You may have noticed something important missing from the Gym here. Well, we must find her in order to proceed with the freaking game, so get to it!

There is something that might be of interest in Olivine. At the very south, there is a harbor that you can enter. Despite the fact no ships are sailing today, you can still do something else in the water here: Fishing! That’s right, Olivine Harbor is home to a pair of Water Poke- mon that are uncatchable anywhere else, so let’s check them out.

OLIVINE HARBOR	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Chinchou	–	25%	50%
Lanturn	–	–	10%
Magikarp	90%	40%	–
Shellder	–	25%	30%
Tentacool	10%	10%	–
Tentacruel	–	–	10%

Chinchou is awesome because of the odd mix of Water/Electric. That way, it will take little damage from other Water types while zapping them to smithereens! Despite its lukewarm stats (which barely changes even when it evolves into Lanturn), it has a sweet HP count and one of the best type combinations in the game. Shellder’s also a nice Pokemon to consid- er because of its high Defense and cool Aurora Beam attack. Give it a Water Stone and it’ll turn into Cloyster, a part Ice type with Defense through the roof! I guess a huge-ass spiky shell with do that for you.

When you’re ready, enter that huge tower right of the harbor. Welcome to the Olivine Lighthouse.

OLIVINE LIGHTHOUSE

We need to climb all six floors of this place while battling trainers and figuring out which holes to fall down. So hold my hand and follow me. Eww, your hands are all sticky! What, were you eating a pound of marshmallows not to long ago? Yuck! Well, just tag behind me and don’t get lost. Walk up and all the way around the first story until you see a set of stairs. Take them up. On the second floor, go down, right, and up till you battle a Gentleman. Jolly good. Go past him and straight left (avoid the Sailor if you want) and take the next set of stairs up.

Third floor now, follow the circular path around to reach the next staircase. Here’s where it might get a little tricky. If you go right, down, around, and take the next set of stairs, you’ll reach a dead end. But that’s okay since there are two fantabulous items you can grab here. Below the stairs on the fifth floor is TM34, Swagger. This will raise the attack of your opponent, but also Confuse it to deal more damage on itself. I don’t like the risk, but you’re the one who bought/barrowed/ stole the game, so it’s up to you. All the way right and down of the stairs is a RARE CANDY. This tasty treat will raise your Pokemon one whole level. For the fat and lazy, I assume. *rubs Buddha belly*

Back on the previous floor, battle Connie with the Marill and fall down the hole next to her. If you don’t feel like battling another trainer, make sure to step onto the left side of the hole to avoid him and grab the ETHER. This will restore one move’s PP by 10. Craptacular! Ascend the stairs here to arrive in the middle section of the fifth story. Just continue down and take the staircase you first see to the top floor!

Talk to Jasmine and you’ll learn of her predicament. Now we need to go all the way to Cianwood to get some medicine from the pharmacy! Jeez, why must we keep doing favors for these people! For a quick exit to this place, just keep falling down the holes on the right side of the build- ing to arrive on the first floor. Hooray for architectural overlooks!

ROUTES 40 & 41

Heal at the Center, than go all the way west till you can’t go west no more. Once you’re there, face the water below you, click on it, and say yes to begin Surfing! It’s that easy!

ROUTE 41 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Mantine	4%	4%	4%
Tentacool	80%	80%	80%
Tentacruel	16%	16%	16%
ROUTE 41 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Tentacool	84%	84%	84%
Tentacruel	16%	16%	16%
FISHING (G/S)	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Corsola*	–	10%	35%
Kingler	–	–	10%
Krabby	20%	70%	55%
Magikarp	80%	20%	–
Staryu*	–	10%	35%

Mantine is a very good Pokemon that’s Water/Flying, making it’s only really threat an Electric type. It learns a ton of Water attacks, plus Flying type Wing Attack (though it can’t be taught Fly). Mantine also has crazy high Special Attack, which means that not even an Electric could kill it easily. You bad you can’t have it, Silver fans.

There are a bunch of Swimmer trainers in this vast ocean (fourteen to be exact). You might want to explore this place and battle to get some practice, since the next Gym is insanely tough (even the pre-Leader trainers make Morty look like a walk in the park)! Ignore the islands you’ll see if you choose to explore since annoying whirlpools are blocking the entrance to all of them. So look around if you want, but I’m just going to direct you to the quickest way to Cianwood.

Notice the weird glowing borders on your left. Stay to the side of them as much as possible as you continue south. Once you can make a left, do so and keep following the shiny thingers. Turn south at the corner, and run into the next strip of land you see to enter our next destination.

CIANWOOD ISLAND

If you arrived at the northern point, you might see some easily smash- able rocks all around you. You can break these for wild Pokemon, inclu- ding the neat Rock/Bug Shuckle. This odd guy has the very best Defense and Special Defense in the game. The catch? It also has the very worst Attack, Special Attack, and Speed anywhere (if even makes Slowpoke look like Dwayne Wade)! Because of that, its uses are limited, but you can teach it a status moves like Toxic or Sandstorm and kill opponents that way. Too bad you won’t be getting those TMs for a while.

Go south to the civilized area of town. Enter the house left of the Pokemon Center to find a man willing to lend you his Shuckle for safety. You can keep this guy if you want, but you can’t nickname it. Plus, you really shouldn’t steal other people’s stuff. Is that how I raised you? Well, I guess I’m going to have to give you a spanking.

That was weird. Anywho, find the house below the nervous man’s. Here’s the Pharmacy we came here to find! You’ll tell him the Amphy story and he’ll give you the SECRETPOTION. Oooh, seeeecret! Afterwards, you can buy some regular medicine from him, including Hyper Potion and Full Heals!

Well, we did what we came here to do, but we might as well go ahead and retrieve the badge here. Go out into the seas or wherever and train, for you need to be around Lv30 to even stand a chance at Chuck’s Gym! Crap- shait! If you have a Psychic (or a decent Flying), you don’t have to level up so much, but you might as well for the future. With no further ado, enter the Gym on the southwest side of the island.

As soon as you step foot into this place, look out! There are two train- ers facing each other just ahead of you. Walk into there point of view, and the one on the left with come at you with his Lv27 Hitmonlee! Yikes! But that’s not the worst of it. As soon as you’re done with him, the Blackbelt on the right will challenge you right away with no break in between! Those tricky sons of biscuits! The second guy is tough because his Lv27 Hitmonchan has all three elemental punches (Fire, Ice, and Electric), so try to send out a Pokemon who isn’t weak against any of those three (there’s not a lot of them). When those two are finished, walk up and battle the next one (he ain’t so bad), then continue till some Strength boulders are blocking your path. This here is sort of a puzzle, but anyone with a mentality of a five-year-old can figure it out (that’s why I had to look it up in a book). Push the one on the left and the one on the right up, then just knock the rock in the middle off to the side. Mazel tov! Battle the final pre-Leader trainer, then I strong- ly suggest you go back and heal at the Center (you should be doing that before every Gym Leader battle anyway). Once you’re all situated, re- turn to the Gym, move the rocks out of your way again, save, and talk to Chuck. After a pointless, yet semi-humorous scene occurs, it’s show- time!

CHUCK’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Primeape	27	Not too bad
Poliwrath	31	Oh crappers!

Obviously, this leader was named after the powerful almighty Chuck Norris! When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris

I’m sorry, that was completely stupid. I’ll be surprised if I’m going to be allowed to submit that. Anyway, yeah, Pokemon, that’s right. Chuck Norris first sends out his Primeape. This guy’s not anything to worry about; he just has a good Karate Chop move and that’s it. Kill him off and get ready for your true challenge. This Poliwrath is juiced up, and its ready to kick some butt (Chuck Norris style)! He has three moves to worry about. Number one: Dynamicpunch. This Fighting attack rarely hits, but when it does your guy is automatically Confused! It also does quite a bit of damage, so use Potions if you have to. Number Two: Surf. They had to give him a Water attack, and they chose one of the best. Just don’t bring out anything weak against Water and you should be fine. And Number Three: Hypnosis. Not again! He’ll use it a lot, and (maybe its just me) he rarely fails at it. Make sure you brought your Awakenings and Full Heals. As for beating this thing, Psychic is the best here, but you can also send out Grass or Electric to counter its half Water type (you should really have at least one of those types by now).

When its finally over, you’ll receive the STORMBADGE and TM01! This is that Dynamicpunch move Poliwrath kept using. Sure, it’s powerful, but its poor Accuracy makes it too much of an annoyance to use periodically. Chuck Norris is God!!!

FLYING TRIP

Remember when I said way way way way way back in the very beginning about how a Flying type is pretty much essential in every party? You don’t? Well, I did. What? I’m not lying, I swear. It was when I was talking about Pidgey and all that. Shut up! If you don’t believe me, go back and look for yourself. You see? I was right, wasn’t I? I know what I’m talking about, okay. Now apologize. Don’t give me that face! Say you’re sorry! I demand you apologize after that snotty tone you gave me! Oh, you did SO give me a tone, you…hey! Don’t roll your eyes at me! Come here, I teach you to defy me…

Are we on? Oh…okay…yeah, well a Flyer is important in your party because of the very next thing we’re about to do. Outside the Gym, there is a lady walking around. Talk to her now, and she’ll award you with HM02! This here is Fly, and it will allow you to teleport to any city of your choice! Finally! It can really only be given to something with wings, so if you have one, teach it this neat trick. If you don’t, well, I guess your stranded here with the Skipper and Mr. and Mrs. Howell. Or you can just surf all the way back to Olivine. For those who listened to me in the beginning, just click on the Fly option for whom- ever you taught it to and choose to warp to Olivine. Wasn’t that simple?

Enter the lighthouse once again and climb to the top (if you don’t re- member how to do it, scroll up to the Olivine Lighthouse section, Mr. Lazy). Give Jasmine the Secretpotion and everything will be okay again! *sniff* I love happy endings! She will return to the Gym so you can face off with her for the Mineral Badge! Maybe…

If you’re an impatient jerk who’s in a hurry for something, you can go in and battle the Leader now. However, now that we have Fly, Surf, and Strength in our possession, we can backtrack and accomplish some things we weren’t allowed to before! This is totally optional, but if you want to find some cool Pokemon and pick up some TMs, I strongly suggest you come with me on this magic carpet ride.

First, Fly all the way over to Cherrygrove. Hey, remember this place? Notice the water on the left side of town. Surf in it, and you’ll see a guy just standing there on a tiny little island. He will give you MYSTIC WATER, a hold item that powers up Water type moves (maybe you should give it to whoever you just Surfed on).

Next, Fly on over to Goldenrod. Exit the city southward onto Route 34 where you will see water on your left. Surf on this narrow strip all the way to the bottom until you must dock. Three tough Water trainers are waiting for you in this little area here. The first two will fight you consecutively with no pause, so watch out! The final chick has a strong Shellder and an even stronger Cloyster, so be wary of their high Defense. Once you finish all three off, they will award you with SOFT SAND, which increases the strength of Ground attacks.

Now you should travel to Azalea Town. If you want to give Kurt an Apri- corn to work on, be my guest, then go all the way over to the other side of town and enter Slowpoke Well. Walk north onto the platform then down the other side. On the northwest corner, you should see a moveable boulder. Strength it out of your way, and continue south until you hit some wa-wa. Surf to the right, walk up the elevated section, and down the stairs.

SLOWPOKE WELL (B1)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Golbat	15%	15%	15%
Slowpoke	20%	20%	20%
Zubat	65%	65%	65%
SURFING	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Slowbro	30%	30%	30%
Magikarp	70%	70%	70%

In the basement, Surf right and up to reach an item ball on a piece of land. Here we have TM18, Rain Dance. All it does it make it rain, which strengthens Water and Electric moves and cuts Fire type attacks. If it worked for the Indians, it’ll work for us. If you swim down and around to the western side, some guy will give you the KING’S ROCK! Give it to someone to hold, and more of your attacks will be Critical Hits! Also, trade it with a Poliwhirl or Slowpoke and it will evolve into their alt- ernate forms.

Get yourself out of the well (Baby Jessica style) and Fly to Violet City (man, we’re just racking up on these frequent flyer miles). From the Center, go up past the School until there’s water on your right. Jump in and Surf to the other side for a RARE CANDY! Sweet! Now, Surf back to the mainland and find the Gym. There is another little pond northwest of the building, so swim on that until the end to pick up a PP UP! This will increase the PP of a move by a certain amount, making it perfect for those strong low-count ones like Fire Blast.

Make sure you have a bunch of Balls in your bag, then walk south all the way down to Union Cave. Heal at the Center if you need it, and enter this dungeon once again.

UNION CAVE, REVISITED

Now, it would probably be a good idea to only do this on a Friday (when your “friends” are all out having fun and you’re stuck at home like the loser you are). You’ll find out why soon enough. Travel all the way south through the cave until you find water just below a Pokemanic on the platform. Surf on this puddle to find a ladder on the other side. Take it down to reach a section of the basement where more Pokemaniacs are lurking. Swim on the water here to the right and take the next ladder down.

UNION CAVE (B2)	ALL DAY
Geodude	20%
Golbat	20%
Onix	10%
Raticate	20%
Rattata	10%
Zubat	20%
SURFING	ALL DAY
Quagsire	40%
Tentacool	40%
Tentacruel	20%

From the ladder, go down and Surf to your right in the water here. Walk up on that landmass above you when you hit a dead-end and pick up the item ball for an ELIXER. Like the Ether, this thing will restore PP by 10 points, but it’s better in that it heals all four moves instead of just one! You can explore this floor and battle the three trainers here, but what you’re supposed to be doing is Surfing to the midwestern spot (you’ll know you’re there if Cooltrainer Gwen attacks you with her Eevee evolutions). From that spot, go down and battle another Cooltrainer to find yourself left of another water area. Swim out into the middle of it and (if it’s Friday) you’ll see a Pokemon floating around that looks ex- actly like you! Save and click on it to enter the battle.

This here is the cool-ass Pokemon Lapras, a half Water/half Ice type. It is widely considered to be one of the best Pokemon you can catch due to its high HP, Special Attack, sweet moves that require high Special Att- ack, and type combination. While a pure Ice is a little redundant to have, a Water/Ice is perfect for anybody’s party (especially with all the Dragons you’ll have to face later on in the game). Lapras only shows up at this spot in Union Cave on Fridays (throwing a bangin’ Lapras party), so make sure not to kill it.

Use an Escape Rope, or Dig, or manually climb your way out here (Fly doesn’t work in caves). Once you’re back breathing the fresh air, travel back to Violet City.

RUINS OF ALPH

Okay, this is totally optional, but I’m just sticking this in here so you know you can do it. You’ll beat the game just fine without this part and you might save yourself a few brain cells in the process. Neverthe- less, I’ll add it in so you have something to do when you’re bored/ drunk/stoned.

Go south out of Violet and left the first chance to get to enter the Ruins of Alph. Walk up into the cave entrance and talk to some people in this weird-ass room. Exit and go north to the next cave entrance. There is an odd table here that, when you click on the left side, a puzzle shows up. It’s pretty much impossible to explain how to solve these, but you can go to “http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/gsunown.html” to see a picture of them. This one is Kabuto (upper-left on the link), the eas- iest to do because it’s so symmetrical. Once it’s solved, happy music will play, and you’ll be sent down to the weird room again. This time the people are gone, but wild Pokemon will attack! These are Unown, a Psychic type Pokemon with only one move: Hidden Power, which will ran- domly change its type. You might also notice that really none of the Unown are the same shape! Interesting. Find the ladder in the middle of the room to exit.

That was weird. Oh well, time to do some more! Go all the way down south until you hit water. You know what to do. Surf across it and enter the cave on your right. Great, another puzzle! A lot of people like to bel- ieve this is a picture of Charizard, but I personally think it’s Aero- dactyl. In fact, I’m trying to get a constitutional amendment passed officially stating it’s Aerodactyl, but those damn Republicans keep filibustering! Anyway, once it is completed, you fall to another part of the weird-ass room. More Unowns will attack, especially ones you don’t particularly seeing before. Nevermind, just find the exit out of here.

Half way done, but the other two are tough to reach. What I suggest is that you Fly to Azalea Town. Enter Union Cave from this side and find that Pokemanic on the platform that has the water below him. This time,go down the ladder above the trainer. Once in the basement, step off the elevated area and Surf in the water. Go up and to the right to get off and battle a lost Hiker. Creepy. Continue north then west to hit a two way split. Take the upper-left path for now, and keep going until you see the exit. Battle the Girafarig trainer out here and notice the thin strip of wild grass. Here resides only two Pokemon, but it’s two Poke- mon uncatchable anywhere else!

RUINS OF ALPH (GRASS)	ALL DAY
Natu	88%
Smeargle	12%

Natu is pretty cool with a Psychic/Flying combo. However, its stats are pbbbt and it learns very little good moves. Its evolved form, Xatu, is a little better, plus it gains the ability to Fly. It’s stronger than Pidgey, but definitely ain’t no Lugia. Smeargle is pretty…special. The only attack it can have is Sketch, but that allows to take an attack last used on Smeargle…permanently. It learns a new Sketch every ten levels, so you could set it up to have pretty sweet…attacks. It’s too bad its stats are absolutely dreadful, making it void of pretty much any…use.

When you’ve had your fill, enter the western door. The puzzle of the day is the legendary Ho-Oh, which is actually difficult because of all the feathers. When you finally solve it, you know what happens. Hey, doesn’t it seem like more and more shapes of Unown pop up the more you complete these puzzles? Hmmm. Whatever, on to the final test!

Fly to Azalea once again, enter Union Cave, and go back to where the lost Hikers were. This time, take the southern path. Use Strength to get the boulder out of your way and use the exit below you. Just over the ledge on your left and enter the last puzzle room. Omanyte, I think, is a lot easier than Aerodactyl and Ho-Oh, but that’s just me.

Okay, so what the hell does this all mean?! I’m glad you finally decided to ask! By completing these four puzzles, all 26 shapes of Unown have been released, one symbolizing each letter of the alphabet. What you’re supposed to do is capture all 26 of them (yep, you heard me right). Once you’ve done that, you can use the machine in the upper-right corner of the Alph Research Lab to create messages with them. That’s it. Wasn’t that worth it?! Hey, don’t get mad a me, I told you straight from the beginning it was optional. So congrats for wasting those precious mom- ents of your life. Now I would suggest you read a book or help out a charity or something to make up for your time lost.

OLIVINE CITY

Alrighty then, let’s get that badge now! Or we can do another riveting sidequest that bears no significance whatsoever! Ow, you didn’t have to punch me that hard! Fine, we’ll go battle the Leader, party-pooper!

The great thing about Olivine’s Gym is that there’s no trainers, no puzzles, and no distractions. Just you, Jasmine, and that creepy guy who stands there at the door…watching you. Walk up, save, and begin the battle!

JASMINE’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Magnemite	30	Pie
Magnemite	30	More Pie
Steelix	35	Crappy Pie

Here’s your first (and really only) test against Steel in the game. For the Magnemites, you should really whip out your Ground because of the Double Weakness (though Fire works almost as well). Your main concern (as you might have guessed) is that freaking huge-ass thirty-foot snake composed of steel and rock lunging at you. Yeah, that one. He has some damaging moves, like Iron Tail, which might make you go, “What the $#@!” in front of everyone once you see how much HP your Pokemon just lost. Luckily, it does miss a lot, so keep hoping for the best. As for attack- ing it, well, let’s an entirely different story. Its strong Defense (which is ranked #2 in the game just behind Shuckle) makes it tough to do anything against. And what really sucks is that whenever you think you’re about to beat it, Jasmine comes out of nowhere and used a Hyper Potion on it! Actually, Water works surprisingly well because of its half-Ground type combination. I once nailed it in two shots with a Lv33 Water-type using Surf, so I think that might be your best option. Once you finally defeat her, Jasmine gives you the MINERALBADGE and TM23! Hey, now we can smash things up with Iron Tail! *insert evil-take-over- the-world laugh here*

ROAD TO MAHOGANY

With 3/4 of the Johto Badges in hand, fly to Ecruteak. Find that east- ern exit we’ve never used yet to enter Route 42. We are now officially in the Johtoian Mountains! Mazel tov! The only difference really is that new Pokemon are available through Headbutting. You’ll mostly come up with Spearow, but if you’re lucky enough, you’ll find the two exclusive Pokemon hiding around these parts.

The Bug/Fighting Heracross has high HP and Attack, which is exactly what a Bug/Fighting needs. It’s also the only Pokemon that can learn Mega- horn, Bug’s strongest attack that does the same amount of damage as Fire Blast or Thunder! Unfortunately, it’s Fighting type makes it weak against Psychic, which is really where Megahorn comes in handy. The other treehugger, Aipom, is…well…I don’t know what to say about it. I mean, look at it. It has a hand for a tail! Well, I guess it doesn’t take much effort to scratch its own butt. However, it sucks battle-wise since the stats are a little on the downside and the best attack it learns naturally is Swift. To quote the late great Chris Farley, “La- de-fricken-da!”

Northeast of the entrance is an ULTRA BALL, so snatch it if you please. Ignore the cave door here; this leads to Mt. Mortar, a dungeon that will lead you on a roundabout path to Mahogany Town. However, there is a much easier straightforward way to go, and I will lead you on that path. Why? Well, I am a man, and if we get lost in Mt. Mortar, there’s no way in hell I’m asking for directions. You can just put that thought out of your mind right now.

Anywho, Surf on that small lake on your right to the other side. Cut that bush below you to gain access to three Berry Trees. Hey, it’s the final three Apricorns! Pink becomes a Love Ball (capture rate increases when your Pokemon is the opposite gender of the wild one, baby), Green becomes a Friend Ball (will make captured Pokemon friendlier right off the bat), and Yellow becomes a Moon Ball (a stupid ball that increases the capture rate of Pokemon that evolve by Moon Stone–a whopping total of four).

Get that SUPER POTION just sitting there, then continue Surfing east to the next piece of land. There are a few trainers here, along with a bit of wild grass.

ROUTE 42 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Flaaffy	15%	15%	15%
Mankey	25%	25%	25%
Mareep	25%	35%	25%
Spearow	35%	25%	–
Zubat	–	–	35%
ROUTE 42 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Flaaffy	15%	15%	15%
Mareep	55%	65%	65%
Spearow	30%	20%	–
Zubat	–	–	20%

Mankey is really the first Fighting you can catch, Gold players, al- though you don’t really need that type to be successful. It is pretty good one with Low Kick, Seismic Toss, and Cross Chop. Machop is better, but the type’s weakness against Psychic and Flying prevents it from being of any use. Just go east to unlock our newest city.

MAHOGANY TOWN

Wow, this place has even less houses than Cherrygrove (plus they share the same music)! Well, don’t let that deceive you, for we’re going to spend a little more time here than you think. As for now, there’s ab- solutely nothing to do. The eastern exit is guarded by a guy who’s sell- ing RAGECANDYBAR, which will heal 20 HP. Not only that, but the Gym is blocked by some jerk who obviously is from the Mahogany Tourism Depart- ment (what an exciting and gratifying job). But the weirdest part about this town is the Mart. It’s selling Slowpoketails! That’s illegal in 49 states (damn liberal Massachusetts)! There must be something evil going on in this place (ain’t the revolting music a dead giveaway?).

Since we’re stuck, let’s go and explore the route north of town in order to get some answers.

ROUTE 43

ROUTE 43	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Flaaffy	15%	15%	15%
Girafarig	25%	25%	25%
Hoothoot	–	–	10%
Mareep	30%	40%	30%
Pidgeotto	15%	20%	–
Venonat	15%	–	20%

Girafarig has an actually nice combination of Psychic and Normal. With the Normal type in its possession, Ghost Pokemon can’t touch it, despite its partnership with Psychic. Its stats are okay, plus it can learn a whole lot of TMs. It’s a pretty good Pokemon overall, but its inability to evolve, plus the fact that Psychic power is cut in half because of a type combo sort of makes it hard to deal with. On the plus side, it can get Dark’s best move, Crunch, at Lv54.

Go up a little past the border house and you might see there are two ways to go up: one through wild grass, the second through another house. If you go through the house, you’ll be stopped by a few old friends and forced to pay $1000 to pass! The wild grass is free, so I suggest to go there. Keep following the grass-gorged path upwards until you see two trainers standing sort of away from each other. If you battle Pokemanic Ron, keep what he says once he sees you in mind. Go past them north until the big-ass lake is in sight (seriously, you can’t miss it).

LAKE OF RAGE

If you talk to the people around here, you find out something is really going wrong in this place. Make sure your team is healed (you can Fly to Mahogany to visit the center, then Fly back here if you want), swim out into the southwestern part here and you’ll see a weird looking thing floating in the water. Click on it, and a battle begins. Whoa! What was up with that sparkling thing? This is a Red Gyarados, one of the shiny Pokemon wandering around Johto. You can either kill it or catch it in order to move on (it’s a pretty kick-ass Pokemon to use). Once it’s gone, you’ll pick up the RED SCALE that’s left in its place. Surf back to the mainland and you should notice a man with a black cape staring at the sign. R/B/Y players, guess who that is. It’s Lance, the Dragon Master! Talk to him and he’ll tell you some stuff, then return to Mah- ogany.

Well, we could follow that odd person back, but there’s some other stuff to find in this area. Go south out of the Lake of Rage region to those two trainers again. Keeping left of them, continue south until you must turn left and battle Fisherman Marvin. Pass him and walk up and up and you’ll see a skinny tree. Cut it, and go north until you come to an two- way turn. Go left and cut that tree above you. Keep going all the way up this skinny path to the end. Here, you might be saying, “There’s no- thing here!” but if it’s Wednesday, then you’ll say, “Hey, who the hell is that guy?” It’s Wesley, the Wednesday gift-giver, and he’ll reward you with the BLACKBELT. Give it to a Fighting-type dude.

Go back to that three-way intersection and go right this time. Continue up and around until the next tree must be Cut. Keep going east till you notice a Cutting tree above you. Boy, your Cutter must be getting a workout here! Slash it, and follow that path around to a MAX ETHER. Now go back to the last tree you downed and merge right. Turn the corner to meet another skinny tree! Get that out of your way (I think the hippies are getting pissed at you now), then go right for TM43! It’s Detect, an extremely annoying move that will prevent your Pokemon from all damage for a turn. Like Endure, it decreases in Accuracy the more you use it (you’ll learn to hate Detect and Protect once your opponents begin using it). Now take that path all the way west and you’ll reach a house. Talk to the freaky person in there for TM10, Hidden Power. Thanks, Buddha!

Let’s go on with the game now. Fly back to Mahogany and heal if you need it. Guess where you’re going. That’s right, the evil Mart with the Slow- poketails. Enter it, and a scene will occur. Ouch, that gotta hurt! When it’s all said and done, follow Lance down that new-formed set of stairs.

TEAM ROCKET HEADQUARTERS

Now we’re in the belly of the beast. No, not Jabu-Jabu; I was using an- other metaphor! God, I hate you. Anyway, walk left down this corridor, but you won’t go very far. A Rocket will ambush you can soon as you step in front of that weird statue! Don’t worry, he’s sort of easy, but as soon as you beat him, another Rocket comes to his aid! This will happen every time you pass one of those weird statues, so let’s fix that! Keep walking left until you see a break in the wall leading south. Now go right, once again looking for a passage below you. Take it, then go all the way left and down until you’re in sort of a room. Those potted trees really help with the feng-shui, don’t you think? Battle the Scientist and click on the computer. Congrats, you’ve set off the traps! Hey, that rhymes. Stupid Mother Goose. Anyway, go back up that skinny hallway you took to get here. Once you’re out, walk right now (passing the now in- active statue) and take the HYPER POTION. Go all the way south to the bottom, then take a left. You’ll see a NUGGET on your way, so grab it and sell it later. Make sure not to step on that block with the diamond on it (don’t do it, man, just don’t do it) and walk down the stairs.

Lance will heal your team when you arrive, but then you must trudge on. Venonat Rocket will be waiting for you at end, so go south, beat the next Rocket, and take the stairs. After another scene with Lance, go into that little room set up here. Beat Scientist Ross (Chandler and Joey are on another assignment) and find the top of this area. Talk to the woman Rocket to begin a battle. Once you emerge victorious, she’ll give you one of the two passwords you need to open the boss’s room. Now to get that other one. Exit the closed area, and walk west into another room-like-thing. Beat the Scientist’s Ditto, and continue left until you find the next Grunt. Personally, I love this Rocket, and I hope you will too. Beat his lone Raticate, and you’ll get the second password! Hyuck-hyuck-hyuck! Note: grab the FULL HEAL and the stupid DIRE HIT be- hind the plants there.

Return to the stairs on this floor, but don’t go down them. Instead, go to the right of them and take that narrow path up. You’ll find a diff- erent set of stairs at the top, so step on it to go up a floor. Walk left in this hallway until another Rocket Grunt stops you. What did he say about a red-headed kid? Take the stairs down beside you.

Walk up that other set of stairs below you, and it will take you to TM46! This here is Thief (how clever), the game’s only Dark type TM. It doesn’t do a lot of damage, but it will steal an opponent’s hold items. Hyuck-hyuck-hyuck! Now go back down the stairs and east to a locked room. There’s that guy we’ve been hearing so much about. You don’t battle him, but he’ll rant and rave about more idiotic crap. Pbbbt, stupid ginger. Click on the door, and it will allow you to open it. You’ll be sucked into a battle with the Rocket Executive right away, so be sure you’re ready before you take another step. His Raticate is pretty strong but you shouldn’t have a problem (unless you suck). He’ll run out of the room once he’s beaten, so talk to the birdie there flapping its wings to retrieve the final password! Sweet! Dude!

Now I would suggest you use an Escape Rope or Dig to exit this place and heal up at the Center, because this next part can be tough if you’re not at full health. When you’re all set, reenter the Headquarters and get through the first floor (the one with all the statues) to reach the stairs going down. Walk right until a locked door is just above you. Click on it to go in, but you’ll be stopped by more Rocket Execs! You’ll battle the female one, who has two Poisons and a Murkrow (Flying/Dark). When you and Lance take care of both of them, they will abandon their hideout, but our work here isn’t over yet (goshdarnit).

The only thing left to do is defeat the Electrodes that are powering the generator. Beat the three of them down and watch out for that whole Selfdestruct thing they like to do. When it’s finally over, Lance will give you HM06 as a parting gift. This is Whirlpool, a move that will make those swirly things in the water disappear. That should come in handy…probably.

MAHOGANY TOWN

Now that the Rockets are gone, this small town is a little more open to us. Go up towards the Lake of Rage and enter that border house you once had to pay $1000 to pass through. The official guard is back at his post, and he’ll give you TM36! This here is the Poison move Sludge Bomb, by far the very best attack of its type. If you continue to the Lake of Rage, you should notice there are more trainers hanging around than be- fore. Also, you can participate in the Magikarp Fishing Contest, where you just reel up random Magikarp to see how big it is. If you win, you only get a MAX ETHER though.

Another little point of interest. If you fly back to Cherrygrove and travel up to Mr. Pokemon’s House, he’ll trade you that Red Gyarados Scale for an EXP. SHARE! This is a handy-dandy little item that, when held by a Pokemon, it will receive Exp. Points even while not showing up in the battle. It’s perfect for those who are bored enough to raise all of their Pokemon and complete the Pokedex (loser…and yet, I am one of you).

Let’s get that badge, huh? Go through the previously blocked door to find yourself in a chilly situation. The floor here is covered in a sheet of ice, and you slip and slide nonstop if you step on it. Go around and battle the Skiers and Boarders in here, then go back to the entrance to take this route to the leader: step onto the ice left of the eastern most Pokeball statue, then go left, up, right, down, left, up, right. Hey, you made it without breaking through, unlike someone else I knew (RIP: Timmy; you always were a clumsy fellow). Save and let the battle begin!

PRYCE’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Seel	27	Zap it!
Dewgong	29	Kill it quick!
Piloswine	31	No worries dude

While pure Ice is easily killable, it’s somewhat tougher when paired up with another type (like all of the Ice Pokemon in the freaking game are). Nevertheless, there’s always a way around something (you’re deal- ing with the easy-way-out king here). Seel and Dewgong are both part- Water, so whip out an Electric if you managed to get one. You might be tempted to bring out a Grass type, but both have either Icy Wind or Aurora Beam that would make short work of them. Dewgong’s a little ann- oying because it knows Rest, a move that will restore all HP while fall- ing asleep for two turns. I would suggest you get it out of your way quickly so you’re not driving yourself insane with it (unless you are already insane). Piloswine is really pathetic for his top dog. It’s best attack is Icy Wind, which hardly does much then slow you down every once in a while. Bring out a Fire, Fighting, Steel, or even Water (it’s part Ground) and it’ll be dead before you know it. When the fight has been won, you receive the GLAICERBADGE and TM16, that stupid Icy Wind attack. Congratulations on beating up an old dude!

RADIO TOWER & UNDERGROUND WAREHOUSE

I’m assuming all you want to do is get that final badge and beat the game, right? WELL TOO FREAKING BAD! There’s trouble afoot, and you’re the only one who can stop it (since when did you become the Johtoian Superman?)! Fly to Goldenrod, heal if you didn’t before, then enter the Radio Tower.

I hope you recognize that music. Go to the northeast corner of the first floor to battle the first Rocket Grunt. Once he’s taken care of, walk up the stairs beside him to the next floor. Just keep going left, battling the patient Rockets as you go, to make it to the third story. The Rock- ets here are sort of blocking the next staircase, so just go around them (while fighting even more idiots) to continue upward. On the fourth floor, you can avoid the two Rockets here, but you might as well take them on because they’re easy, you get Exp. Points, and they’re buttholes for joining this organization in the first place. But I do hear they give free coffee and doughnuts at the meetings. That should be enough to make anyone join! Anyway, watch out for Scientist Rich’s tough Lv30 Porygon, and keep going to the final floor.

Here you must save the Director…or do you? Ah, Imposter! Be ready, for he actually has six Pokemon: five Lv30 Koffings and a Lv32 Weezing. Take them down with Psychic or Ground or whatever you want and you’ll recieve the BASEMENT KEY and the whereabouts of the real director. Now exit the Radio Tower, heal, and make your way to the northern entrance of the Underground Tunnel. See that hallway that goes all the way east? Take it down, and click on the door at the end to unlock it. In this tiny room, save before you take the stairs down, then do so. Try to progress here, and you’ll be halted. Heh, long time no see.

RIVAL BATTLE #4	LV	DIFFICULTY
Golbat	30	Don’t worry be happy
Magnemite	28	Ground that jerk
Haunter	30	Curses!
Sneasel	32	Looks cool but sucks
(Starter)	32	Just don’t wet yourself

Golbat is sort of tricky since it likes to Confuse you right off the bat (hehe, get it), making it harder to KO what was before easily KOable. It also has Wing Attack, a very powerful Flying move, but it’s useless other than that. Just use a Full Heal to snap your guy out of Confusion, then be done with it. Magnemite is just as easy as it was before, so use a Fire or Ground and put it out of its misery. Haunter has some good attacks, but it likes Curse, and will continue using it even when you switch out, killing it in the process. Stupidface. His new dude, Sneasel, may seem intimidating, but you should know better than to profile like that! It’s Ice/Dark, but none of its moves really stand out, so do what you want with it. If anything, the biggest trouble you will face will come from his starter (a now fully evolved Meganium, Ty- phlosion, or Feraligatr). They all have good attacks of various types, so be careful what you put out against it. Nevertheless, the same old strategy remains: send out something that has a type advantage over it. Remember those words, and you’ll go far, my son. Well, far in the Poke- mon world, not in reality. You need looks and charisma for that, silly!

Once he runs away crying like a little baby, continue west while taking on those three Rockets just standing around. To the left of where each Rockets once stood are odd switches you need to press in a certain or- der. We want to turn on each switch in this sequence: 3, 2, 1 (or the order from left to right). If you have it correct, there should be an opening going down on the left side of the room. Go through it and beat Burglar Eddie. Now go right in this area, then south (fighting another Burglar), east and up into a little space for a FULL HEAL. Go back and battle that girl Rocket left of another switch, then walk on through the door.

Go up and around the next hallway, turning right at the end to face yet another Rocket! Damn! Keep going right (picking up the MAX ETHER at the end), then northward till we see our good old hillbilly Rocket friend! Hyuck-hyuck-hyuck! Beat his Poison duo, then go left (ignore the stairs for now). Walk down into that roomy area, beat the final Rocket here, then talk to the real Director. He’ll give you the CARD KEY and his words of wisdom. Make sure to pick of TM35 here. This is Sleep Talk, and it will have your Pokemon choose one of its attacks to use while it’s asleep. That’s a crapload better than Snore! Use the stairs we passed before to arrive at the basement of the Pokemart. Grab the AMULET COIN that’s just sitting there beside you. When a Pokemon who’s hold this enters a trainer battle, the amount of money you win actually doubles! Yeah biznatch! Use the elevator to return to the ground floor and exit the building.

Now that we have the Card Key, we can infiltrate a part of the Radio Tower we couldn’t before! Return to the tower, and climb all the way to the third floor. Go to the right side here and you’ll see a weird wall with a card punching machine next to it. Click on the machine and the wall will magically disappear! Mazel tov! Beat the Rocket guarding this mini-hallway and trek up the stairs here. You could battle the female Rocket watching over Mary, but you don’t have to (besides, Mary’s annoy- ing anyway). However, you do have to take on the Rocket Executive with the scary Lv36 Golbat! Crapshait! Just attack it with whatever you’ve got, and ascend to the top floor.

All we have to do is take on the two in charge of this whole operation. Go right of the stairway and you’ll meet up with that Executive you battled before in Mahogany. Her levels are higher than before, and she evolved her Gloom into a Vileplume, but other than that she’s the same old hag. Save and make sure you’re healed somewhat before you continue, for the final boss is rather difficult. He has a Houndour and its evo- lution, Houndoom (Fire/Dark). They have some scary attacks, so I’d say give it all you’ve got with your Water type. His Koffing’s just as easy as every other Koffing you’ve battled in the last few minutes, just look out for Selfdestruct!

Hooray, you’ve just single-handedly defeated Team Rocket! You’d think they’d have an easier time taking over stuff if they’d just bring guns along instead of Pokemon. Whatever, it’s not the time to ask questions; you’ve won! In recognition of your infinite greatness, the Director will give you the RAINBOW WING if you’re playing Gold, or a SILVER WING if you’re playing Silver! I wonder what this is for…

It’s now time to collect your rewards! Go down to the eastern fourth floor and Mary will give you another PINK BOW. Oh boy. On the third story, the girl here awards you with TM11! This is Sunny Day, which will power up Fire and Grass but deminish Water when used. Yeah, that was worth it! Now it’s time to go on with the game! Seriously!

ROUTE 44

Return once again to Mahogany Town. One thing actually changed here: the once evil Pokemart is now under new management: a sweet old lady! Hooray for Medicare! She has a pretty good selection of crap to offer, so stock up if you please. Now continue east out of town on that path you could never take before.

This route is short, but has a bunch of trainers and some new Pokemon (though we can’t see the wild grass anywhere). Go southeast and take a look at that water some Fisherman is staring at. Surf on it, and go up and right to a strip of land, with tall grass (and a MAX REVIVE)!

ROUTE 44	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Bellsprout	30%	30%	30%
Lickitung	10%	10%	10%
Tangela	30%	30%	30%
Weepinbell	30%	30%	30%
FISHING	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Magikarp	70%	40%	20%
Poliwag	30%	60%	70%
Remoraid	<1%*	<1%*	10%*

Lickitung is yet another pure Normal dude, only it has relatively better than average stats (except for its sucky Speed). The only difference from RBY is that it actually has Lick now, which is rather stupid that it didn’t have it beforehand. Tangela has gotten better because it’s now pure Grass, but it still has poor Attack and Special Defense. Stick with a Grass that evolves. As for Remoraid, I’d have to say it’s the best out of all the swarmers, but not by much. Raise it to Lv22, and it will be able to learn Psybeam, Aurora Beam, and Bubblebeam at the same freaking time! Then three levels later, it evolves into Octillery, then learns the awesome Octazooka attack (with Ice Beam and Hyper Beam somewhat thereafter). It’s a shame it doesn’t have the stats to use those attacks to their potential.

If you go northeast out of this area, you’ll battle Fisherman Wilton (his parents must’ve hated him). Anyway, he’s the Remoraid swarm expert, so exchange numbers with him. Just one more left to find! Go to the southern-right corner of this place and continue up through the ledges. Eventually you’ll find a cave entrance, so entrance it!

ICE PATH

ICE PATH (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Golbat	20%	30%	30%
Jynx	10%	30%	10%
Swinub	40%	40%	40%
Zubat	30%	–	20%
ICE PATH (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Delibird	10%	15%	10%
Golbat	40%	30%	40%
Jynx	10%	15%	10%
Swinub	30%	40%	30%
Zubat	10%	–	10%

Even though Jynx looks extremely stupid, its actually a pretty good Pokemon to carry around. She has very good Special Attack, which is vi- tal for an Ice/Psychic dude. Jynx even has a baby form now: the adorable little Smoochum! Since Ice is a big advantage in the next Gym and the Elite Four, you should really consider bringing this chick aboard (though you should really have your six Pokemon team firmly in place by now). Swinub is odd because it’s Ice/Ground, which has a bunch of weak- nesses. It also has very poor stats and a weak selection of moves. Even though it gets significantly better when it evolves, I would not suggest using this little hairball. And then there’s Delibird. Silver players, you get this weird looking Santa Claus bird instead of the kick-ass Wat- er/Flying Mantine, so you should really feel gypped. The only natural move it has is Present, an attack which will either do a random amount of damage or even heal your opponent! Ahhhh! It can however learn TMs (including Fly), but what’s the point?

Brrrrr. That’s all I’ve got to say about that. Anyway, this cave can be pretty damn tricky if you don’t know what you’re doing, so follow care- fully. Go right at the beginning until the floor sort of changes color. This is that slippery ice, similar to that stuff we faced in Pryce’s Gym. Just go left and down twice on it to continue on. Walk up the first platform you find, and keep going on top of it till the end. Go left and you’ll find yourself in front of another ice puzzle. This is actually the hardest part of the cavern, so follow these directions and you’ll make it across safe and sound: up, left, up, right, up, right, down, left, up, left, down, right, down, right, up, right! Weeee! Wasn’t that fun?! Well, try it by yourself and see how fun it really is, you cheat- ing piece of crap!

From where you’re standing, you have two options: up to a platform or across to another ice puzzle. Let’s take the ice puzzle, because there’s something extremely vital is on the other side. From the higher entrance onto the ice puzzle, go right, up, left, down, left, up, right. Pick up the item ball for HM07! Wow, that’s an odd place to put that. Anyway, this here is Waterfall, a move that will allow you to ascend large falls of water. I think I explained that smoothy, don’t you think? However, you need all the badges to use it, so let’s do first things first.

Get out of that section (left, down, left) and go up the platform this time. Continue all the way right until the path ends, and go down the set of stairs there to find a ladder east of you. Take it down. In this new room, walk to the northwestern point and continue east until you see a little rock-lined hallway south. You’ll know you’re right when you go down a little and see a hole and two boulders. Equip Strength and get ready to push like you’ve never pushed things before! Step left of the southernmost boulder and push it right once, down six times, left three times, up twice, left once, and up into the hole there. Ker-plunk! Now for the next one!

Go back up to where that boulder once was to see the other boulder. Us- ing Strength, push it left once and up five times. Leave it at that spot where it makes a triangle with two other rocks for now. Now go south through this little path here until you can travel east. Once at the southeastern corner of the room, go north until you find yet another moveable boulder. Standing from the right of it, push it left once, down four times, right once, down twice, and right all the way down the hole! Mazel tov! Two down, two to go.

From next to that hole, walk north and, lo and behold, another boulder! Move it up twice and you seem to be stuck. Forget that boulder for a second, and look up and to the left to see the other boulder you left in a triangle to finish later. Now that we’re on the other side of it, we can! Push it left twice and down as far as you can go, dropping it down the hole. Now to finish the final job. Go back to where that last boulder was and stand to the right of it. Shove it left once, up thrice, and right. Horray, we’re done here! Fall down the hole that you pushed the last boulder into and you’ll end up on some more ice! No matter, go left, up, right while using the boulders for support and you’ll land next to a FULL HEAL. Take the ladder down just below you.

The room’s pretty straightforward, but if you have Rock Smash, you can get that NEVERMELTICE just sitting there. It will power up Ice Pokemon by never melting apparently. Either way, continue right and you’ll find the next ladder. From the descended ladder, walk up, then right, then down to slide across the ice. Coordinate yourself so that you’re right under the eastern set of stairs there, and jump over the ledge. When you stop moving, slide right for TM44! This is Rest, which will heal all HP in return for a two-turn nap. I prefer Potions myself, but whatever. Go left and up out of there and position yourself once again in that spot before you jumped the ledge. This time, go up onto the platform and walk around it until you reach the other stair-thing. Go down, slipping on the ice, and it will direct you to the next ladder.

Walk right and down the platform to the next ice puzzle. To continue on, go down, right, up, left, up, left, down, left to reach the other side. If you want the Iron hidden here, figure it out on your own! Go left and up to the ladder. We’re almost done with this friggin’ cave! If you go all the way left before going on the ice, you’ll reach a PP UP! To reach the exit, slide from anywhere else and walk down to get the hell out of this place!

BLACKTHORN CITY

Here it is: the final city in Johto! Are you pumped? You better be, be- cause the eighth badge is within our grasp! Oh yeah, I can taste the shrimp cocktail now. *drools* Anyway, let’s explore! *wipes face of cocktail sauce*

The Pokemart now sells a very important item: ULTRA BALLS! While more ultra-ey then Pokeballs and Great Balls, it’s key in capturing a legen- dary bird Pokemon (*cough* the one on the cover of your game *cough*)! The only other convenient service this town offers is the Move Deleter. If you don’t want a Pokemon to have an HM move anymore, give it to this kid and it’ll be gone in a matter of seconds. Hooray for electro-shock therapy!

Now go through the ledges to the north end of town. The gym is in here, so go ahead and take on Clair right now, but we’re going to do a little training first. However, if it’s Saturday, go to the right side of the gym and jump over the ledge there. Santos (illegal Mexican!) will be waiting for you. He’ll give you a Spell Tag, which will increase Ghost moves when hold. Get that from him, then you can report his ass to imm- igration.

Clair is semi-difficult, and there’s a whole big route south of this city that you could level up on, so I’m all for doing that. If you’re a butthole, go ahead and skip to the Gym part, jerk.

ROUTE 45 & DARK CAVE

Go to the left side of this route south of Blackthorn and there will be a cave opening calling for you. Enter it, and welcome back to Dark Cave! This is a part of the cave we couldn’t get to before, so use Flash, and let’s collect some goodies (including a cool Psychic Pokemon)!

DARK CAVE (R45)	ALL DAY
Geodude	16%
Golbat	16%
Graveler	16%
Wobbuffet	12%
Zubat	40%

Wobbuffet has insanely high HP and low everything else. It also can only ever learn four attacks: Safegard (prevents Poisoning, Sleep, etc), Destiny Bond (if faints, whoever KOed it faints as well), Counter (2x the damage back from a Physical Attack), and Mirror Coat (2x the damage back from a Special Attack). So in order to do damage, Wobbuffet needs to take damage himself, which isn’t much of a loss because of his whole HP deal. It’s annoying to use, however, but also annoying to go up aga- inst. If you were willing to use a Pineco, this dude will also fit that style of yours.

Walk right then south until you hit water. Surf on it straight down to the other side. There’s a REVIVE on the platform to your left, go snag it if you like. Go left a bit and another item ball will be in your sight. It’s TM13 again, just in case you didn’t pick up Snore from the Miltank Farm before. Go right until water is above you. Surf north and east a little until you set sail again. Walk north up the platform and follow it left. Once off, go left and up till you see a shady guy stand- ing around. Talk to him and he’ll give you BLACKGLASSES to keep your mouth shut. This is what will raise the power of Dark attacks (not the Poison Barb, silly). You’d better do what he says or you’ll be sleepin’ with the fishies.

That’s all she wrote in Dark Cave, so exit it once and for all. Now to take on the long and arduous Route 45!

ROUTE 45 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Geodude	24%	24%	24%
Gligar	16%	16%	16%
Graveler	40%	40%	40%
Teddiursa	20%	20%	20%
ROUTE 45 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Geodude	28%	28%	28%
Graveler	52%	52%	52%
Phanpy	16%	16%	16%
Skarmory	4%	4%	4%
FISHING (G/S)	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Dragonair	–	–	20%
Dratini	–	30%	30%
Magikarp	100%	70%	50%

Time to catch two version-exclusive Pokemon! Phanpy is pure Ground with pretty crumby stats. However, evolve it into a Donphan, and it’s one of the best in the game. It gets an A+ for Attack and Defense in my book, and the high HP only adds to this elephant’s greatness. Teach it Earth- quake later on, and you’ve got one uuber-powerful Pokemon here. Skarmory is also pretty cool with its Flying/Steel combination, making it only weak against Fire and Electric. If you raise it all the way to Lv49, it learns Steel Wing, the bird equivalent of Iron Tail. Now for Gold’s. Teddiursa may be Normal, but it’s actually a damn fine Pokemon. It even gets a Dark attack at Lv22, plus it learns both Rest and Snore nat- urally. At Lv30, it evolves into an Ursaring, where its Attack performs a major jump. However, I believe Tauros is a bit better. The other dude is Gligar, who has the virtually impossible type combo of Flying/Ground (what?!?!). Not only do the weaknesses of this guy really stack up, it’s stats are inconceivably poor. Silver definately got the better deal on this route

Route 45 has you constantly jumping over ledges, making it impossible to climb back up. However, it has seven pretty decent trainers to help you get stronger (I suggest you be around Lv40 for the Gym). Just keep jump- ing down, battling every trainer you can, then Fly back to Blackthorn and enter this route from another position. One of these trainers is special though. If you start from the far left side (where there sits an ELIXER) and jump the next ledge, you’ll meet Hiker Parry. For some un- known reason, he is the Marill expert guy for Mt. Mortar (that cave just before Mahogany). What he’s doing all the way down here is a mystery, but get his phone number nonetheless. I’m not going to go through Mt. Mortar with you until we get everything we need to explore the entire thing, but you can stop by and give the cave a visit when it’s Marill swarm season. However, you should know that Marill sucks with crappy stats in pretty much everything and no decent moves (it just gets slower when it evolves). Don’t waste your valuable time on it (well, I guess every time is wasted when you’re stuck playing Pokemon).

When you feel your team is up and ready to go, fly back to Blackthorn, heal, get a whole bunch of Hyper Potions and Full Heals and stuff, and enter your final Johto gym.

BLACKTHORN CITY

Head left and battle your first Dragon dude (three Dratinis, look out). Once he’s cooked, go up past him to a set of stairs. Hmmm, it didn’t look like the Gym was two stories from the outside. Anyway, go upstairs and notice the hole and two boulders above you. Don’t touch them; they are just decoys. Go south a little then bear right for a little sprawl with a Seadra. Walk below that trainer for even more boulders. Here, use Strength and push the rightmost boulder all the way down. Then, take the other circle-rock-thing and push it up until a hole is to the right of it. Push it down. The boulder fell through! Well, no crap!

Now go north and take on Cooltrainer Cody. He looks stupid to me. Any- who, push that boulder to your right all the way to the wall, then the other one south into the hole. Now, you can fall through the hole (or take the stairs here if you’re not particularly a risk taker). You can actually walk across the boulder you placed over the lava here, so go right onto it and up to battle the next Dragon trainer. Is it me, or are these people incredibly odd?! Now I would suggest that you go back and heal, then reenter the gym and make your way to Clair (the boulders will still be there even though you left). Let the battle for the final badge commence!

CLAIR’S POKEMON	LV	DIFFICULTY
Dragonair	37	Urrrgh!
Dragonair	37	Urrrgh!
Dragonair	37	Urrrgh!
Kingdra	40	URRRGH!

Hopefully you have an Ice Pokemon, or at least something with an Ice attack (even if it’s Icy Wind) for this, because that’s basically Dra- gon’s only weakness for some reason. Her three Dragonairs may seem rep- etitive, but really they aren’t. Even though they have three of the same attacks (Twister, Thunder Wave, and Dragonbreath), their fourth attacks are specialized for different types. One’s Fire with Flamethrow- er, another’s Electric with Thundershock, and the last one’s Ice with Ice Beam. You won’t know which one is which, but you can probably fig- ure out that she’ll bring out the weakness of whomever you have on the field. Take it on with whatever you’ve got, and just know that Dragons are invulnerable to the game’s four major types (Fire, Electic, Grass, Water). Kingdra is even more annoying because it’s part Water, making it not even weak against Ice! Holy crap! It also has Hyper Beam, a power- house attack which will pretty much take about 1/2 of your Pokemon’s HP. However, Kingdra will have to use a whole turn to recharge, so use that freebie to heal or keep attacking. Electric is probably your best bet here, and hopefully you’ll Paralyze it in the process. I should also warn you that Clair will use a Hyper Potion on Kingdra when its HP is dwindling, so look out for that.

Hooray, you beat that stupid broad! But…what? She won’t give you the badge?! No, not another Whitney! Only this time…it’s worse. You’ll have to complete the Dragon User Challenge for her to deem you worthy of the League. Son of a…

DRAGON’S DEN

The name “Dragon User Challenge” is an utter and complete lie. You don’t need to use Dragons and it really isn’t much of a challenge. Like the name “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”, it doesn’t have much to do with anything. Nevertheless, Surf behind the Gym and enter the cave here.

Shibby music! Anyway, make sure you have a dude with Whirlpool here, because that’s really going to be the toughest part. Go down the ladder and exit the next room. You can fish here if it pleases you.

DRAGON’S DEN	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Dragonair	–	–	5%
Dratini	–	30%	40%
Magikarp	100%	70%	55%

This is the best place to catch a Dratini in the game, so make sure to grab one. Anyway, walk all the left from the entrance and Surf south. Soon you see a swirly thing in the water. Use Whirlpool on it, and it will disappear! That, right there, was the challenge. Just Surf south, right, and up (while keeping right) until you find a strip of land above of you. Walk on it to reach the DRAGON FANG! Once you pick it up, Clair appears out of nowhere to give you the RISINGBADGE and TM24, Dragon- breath. Listen to what she says and stuff before you exit this place. You also get to keep the Dragon Fang, which will boost Dragon moves. It goes great with a side of Dragonbreath.

LEGENDARY BIRDS

YEAH! The eight badges are ours! Now we can summon the Great Shenron and wish for world domination! Mwhaha! But first, why don’t we become the Pokemon Champion? Baby steps, my friend, baby steps.

Actually, let’s do one more little sidequest before we go on. Once again you may skip ahead if it suits you, but if you’re interested in catching one of the very best Pokemon in the game, I suggest you come with me. First of all, this is really the only part of the game where the plot sort of differs between Gold and Silver. The Tin Tower can only be ex- plored with Gold at this time, and the Whirl Islands for Silver. I’m putting both here, but skip the one that doesn’t pertain to you. Silver, scroll down a bit at this point to the Whirl Islands section.

TIN TOWER

First, buy a crapload of Ultra Balls at the Blackthorn Mart (I’d say 40or more constitutes as a crapload). You can also get Kurt to make a Heavy Ball or two for ya, because they seem to work well on this thing. Finally, if you have a high level Pokemon with an Electric attack, bring that sucker along as well. When you’re all set, fly to Branson…I mean…Ecruteak City. Now that we have the sparkly Rainbow Wing, we may enter that tower here that didn’t burn down! Go a little left of the Pokemon Center, then straight up. This house leads to Tin Tower, so go through its many staircases and crap to reach an outside path. Follow it until you hit a huge tower (I’m assuming that it’s made of tin). Enter it.

TIN TOWER	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Gastly	–	–	40%
Rattata	100%	100%	60%

This place may even take you back to the days of Sprout Tower (remember that?) since they’re very similar in structure, music, and Pokemon. Go up the stairs on the first floor, then walk up and find the next set of stairs. See those weird mini-wall thingers around you. You can use them to jump over the little gaps. Practice by jumping over the one on your left to reach a FULL HEAL. Now jump back using the upper one now. Weeee! Jump the next one on the right side now then the next four (going left) above it. In this area, walk up a little and jump the five walls right, then ascend the staircase.

Now on the fourth floor, jump the two ledge-walls going left, then south into the center area. Walk to the left side of the huge pillar and hop left to some stairs. Here’s where it gets tricky. Go north a bit and jump through the five walls at the top. Walk down a bit an jump left twice, then down, then left, then down to the center. Make sure you snag the RARE CANDY here, then use your track and field expertise to huddle east thrice and south twice. Go down the stairs.

You really have no need for it, but take the SUPER POTION anyway. Hop over the walls all the way west for an item you probably will need: an ESCAPE ROPE. Now go right into the middle area, walk up a little, and jump left back up the stairs. Leap over the walls in this order: right twice, down once, left twice, down three times, move right then down two more times, right twice, and down once to a staircase.

Traverse up to the top and cross the bridge. Soar over the two ledges to the next floor (you can tell I’m running out of synonyms for the word “jump”, can’t you?). In this floor, we’re going to add warp panels to the mix! Go up and ignore the first brown square you come to and leap over the two walls above it. Take the good old MAX REVIVE and jump the final four ledge-walls going south. Step on the oddly colored square to warp to another part of Tin Tower. From here, just take the next warp panels you come to until you hit a staircase. Now you save. SAVE! SAVE! SAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVE! I can’t say it enough! Well, actually I can, but that’d be a waste of text space. If you screw up on this next part, you can never do it again! So freaking save! Get your Electric guy on top of your party and take the stairs to arrive on the eaves. It’s a good thing they don’t allow you to fall here, because I have had some bad expir- ences on rooftops (I have the scars to prove it). Waiting for you is a giant majestic bird that says “Shaooh!” Expressive.

HO-OH Lv40 ATTACKS	WHAT WILL IT DO?
Sacred Fire	Good Fire move that will Burn ya
Gust	Worst Flying move in the game
Recover	Replenish 1/2 of total HP
Safeguard	Prevents status conditions

It’s Ho-Oh, the Pokemon with the third highest combined stats in the series! In turn, it’s also pretty hard to catch, so follow my words of wisdom (or whatever you like to call them). In the beginning, keep using your best Electric attack on it. It’s weak against it, and maybe you’ll Paralyze it (this thing is somewhat easier to catch when it’s plagued with a status condition, and Paralyze is the best because it’s permanent and won’t accidently kill it). Just don’t try Paralyzing it when its Safeguard is on. Chip away at its HP until it’s in the red. Now get ready to chuck Ultra Balls at it nonstop! However, you will have to att- ack some more if it uses Recover. On the defensive side, you have two decent attacks to worry about. Obviously, you’ll be hoping for Gust, but it does have 5 Sacred Fires to Burn you with. What I like to do is lower its Accuracy with Flash or Sand Attack so I have one less thing to worry about. Anyway, keep throwing Ultra Balls, hoping for a catch. It’s ran- dom, so you’ll just have to pray or whatever it is you do. If it does not even stay in after all your Balls, or you accidentally KO it, re- start and begin again. Aren’t you glad you saved?! When (or if) it’s caught, congrats, you’ve got one hell of a Pokemon there. You can give it a ton of TMs, or wait until Lv44 when it learns Fire Blast, the #1 Fire move. However you use it, don’t abuse it, or you can’t reuse it. To exit, you have to get off the eaves first, then use that Escape Rope.

WHIRL ISLANDS

Gold fans, scroll down a bit to the Road Into Kanto section. Silver dudes, listen up. First, buy a crapload of Ultra Balls at the Blackthorn Mart (I’d say 40 or more constitutes as a crapload). You can also get Kurt to make a Heavy Ball or two for ya, because they seem to work well on this thing. Finally, if you have a high level Pokemon with an Elect- ric attack, bring that sucker along as well. When you’re all set, fly to Olivine and Surf south to Route 41. You’ll see those four islands that just sit there inconspecuously, as if they’re taunting you. Well now you may enter one! Q: But Mitchell, which one? A: Very good quest- ion. Even though all the islands hook up and share the same cave system, the only way to get to where we want to go is to enter it from the Northeast island. Take this map for instance:

1		2
3		4

You would want to take Island #2. Got it? Okay, let’s get going. Swim to the bottom-right corner of the northeast island and get rid of that Whirlpool there. Now go up on land and walk counterclockwise around the cave (while having to Surf for a millisecond) until the entrance is in front of you. Why they make you do that, I haven’t a clue, but enter the dungeon nevertheless.

WHIRL ISLANDS	ALL DAY
Golbat	8%
Krabby	48%
Seel	20%
Zubat	24%
SURFING	ALL DAY
Horsea	32%
Seadra	8%
Tentacool	60%

There are two Pokemon that you can catch only here. Seel learns some pretty powerful attacks like Ice Beam and Take Down, then turns into the Water/Ice Dewgong soon thereafter. Its stats aren’t anything to cele- brate about, but its still pretty powerful…and cute! I bet you’ve had your fill of Horseas and Seadras in Clair’s Gym, but you may catch your own here if you like. It’s stats and moves are okay, but the best thing about Horsea is its new third evolution (which you have also been acust- omed too). Kingdra’s only weakness is Dragon, a type that you’ll hardly see anymore (with the exception of the Pokemon League), plus it has a great Special Attack. You’ll need to trade it with a Dragon Scale to ev- olve it, an item we won’t be getting for a while, but it’s just some- thing to keep in mind.

After you use Flash, walk up a little and jump over the ledge to your right. Now you have a choice: right over the upper ledge or lower ledge. You want the upper. I’m telling you! Jump over it, walk north in this alcove here, and take that ladder there. In the basement now, just fol- low this platform you’re on all the way south until you reach the next ladder. Pick up that MAX REVIVE left of you, then get into the water and Surf south on the right side. Continue down that waterfall until you splash at the bottom (it would make more sense if you actually splash- ed). Swim left to that piece of land and enter the door there. Now you save. SAVE! SAVE! SAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVE! I can’t say it enough! Well, act- ually I can, but that’d be a waste of text space. If you screw up on this next part, you can never do it again! So freaking save! Get your Electric guy on top of your party and swim to the northern part of this tiny room. What the hell is that? Make sure you have saved (are you get- ting the point?) and click on it.

LUGIA Lv40 ATTACKS	WHAT WILL IT DO?
Aeroblast	Best Flying move in the game
Gust	Worst Flying move in the game
Recover	Replenish 1/2 of total HP
Safeguard	Prevents status conditions

Gyaaaaas! It’s Lugia, the Pokemon with the highest combined stats in the series! In turn, it’s also pretty hard to catch, so follow my words of wisdom (or whatever you like to call them). In the beginning, keep using your best Electric attack on it. It’s weak against it, and maybe you’ll Paralyze it (this thing is somewhat easier to catch when it’s plagued with a status condition, and Paralyze is the best because it’s permanent and won’t accidently kill it). Just don’t try Paralyzing it when its Safeguard is on. Chip away at its HP until it’s in the red. Now get ready to chuck Ultra Balls at it nonstop! However, you will have to att- ack some more if it uses Recover. On the defensive side, you have two Flying attacks to worry about. Obviously, you’ll be hoping for Gust, but it does have 5 Aeroblasts to blow you away with. What I like to do is lower its Accuracy with Flash or Sand Attack so I have one less thing to worry about. Anyway, keep throwing Ultra Balls, hoping for a catch. It’s random, so you’ll just have to pray or whatever it is you do. If it does not even stay in after all your Balls, or you accidentally KO it, re- start and begin again. Aren’t you glad you saved?! When (or if) it’s caught, congrats, you’ve got one hell of a Pokemon there. You can give it a ton of TMs, or wait until Lv44 when it learns Hydro Pump, the #1 Water move. However you use it, don’t abuse it, or you can’t reuse it.

Use an Escape Rope to get out of here. If you are stupid and don’t have one, no worries. Just exit the Lugia room and swim to the southeast corner of the next area. Take the ladder up and jump down over that ledge. Grab that item there and you’ll find an ESCAPE ROPE! Mazel tov! Use it to leave this place.

ROAD INTO KANTO

I hope you have your passport ready (whether real or counterfeit), be- cause we’re about to go out of country. As it turns out, the Pokemon League is located in another sovereign nation called Kanto. Why? Essen- tially, Johto is really just the Canada of the Pokemon World: they speak the same language and everything, but in all seriousness, it isn’t nearly as good. The United States of Kanto is where it’s at, baby!

Fly to Home Sweet New Bark Town and stop by Prof. Elm’s lab. He’ll give you a MASTER BALL! Sweeeeeeeeeeeet! Next time Raikou, Entei, or Suicine pays you a visit, you can use it to capture it in one shot. Or be lazy and go catch Lugia with it, whatever you want. After your nice little chat with him is over, go outside and go to the water on the east side of town. If you like me on your first time playing the game, you’re say- ing to yourself, “Holy crap! I never noticed that before!” Well, that’s how you get to your next destination (your house is pretty much on the border between Johto and Kanto). Surf on it all the way right until to must land south. The guy here (border patrol, possibly) welcomes you to Kanto! Check on your Pokegear and see!

Now that’s all cleared up, walk east until another body of water is below you. Surf all the way right on it and you’ll get a RARE CANDY! Now return to Mr. Kanto Border Patrol and enter the cave northeast of him. Don’t worry; this is just a quick little test to make sure you have all the badges. If you’re interested, you may Surf left than up for a MOON STONE. Whoop-de-do. Now go back to the entrance and swim north until a Waterfall blocks you. What HM do you think you should use here? No, not Cut. Not Strength. Nope, not Whirlpool, but you’re close! Yes! Waterfall is correct! Activate Waterfall and you’ll spin up top of it. Go right and now go down the waterfall (no HM necessary there) and out of the cave.

ROUTE 27 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Doduo	40%	44%	–
Ponyta	8%	8%	8%
Quagsire	12%	–	36%
Raticate	24%	32%	40%
Sandslash	16%	16%	16%
ROUTE 27 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Arbok	16%	16%	32%
Dodrio	24%	32%	–
Doduo	40%	44%	–
Ponyta	8%	8%	16%
Quagsire	12%	–	52%

Nothing exciting with the fishing here. However, the wild grass is plen- tiful of new strong Pokemon you can catch or train against. Doduo and Dodrio are nice Flying types with a good barrage of attacks. It already has Tri Attack and Rage when you get it, and soon learns the cool Drill Peck at Lv33. Too bad they’re half-Normal. The flaming horse Ponyta is even faster than Entei when it evolves! Too bad it’s nowhere near it in any other statistic. However, this guy’s still a decent Fire-type with some good Physical and Special attacks. It learns Fire Blast, the best move of the type, but at Lv61 though (you can however give it the TM).

As soon as you exit, you might be noticed by Cooltrainer Megan with the tough Bulbasaur evolutionary group. Either way, enter that house on your left, while making sure you DON’T accidently jump over that ledge (if you do, just go through Tohjo Falls again). If your lead Pokemon likes you, the woman here will award you with TM37. It’s Sandstorm, a move which will cause…well…a sandstorm. While boosting the power of Rock and Ground attacks, it will also cause a little damage to each Pokemon after a turn. Use smartly.

From that house, Surf east to the grass-covered path on the other side. Continue right on your feet onto the bridge, battling three semi-tough trainers. Go behind Psychic Gilbert and swim straight south. Get rid of that Whirlpool there and follow the shiny borders west until you hit a trainer and item ball. This is TM22, Solarbeam, the best Grass attack. It takes two turns to get off, but it can be worth it. Go back to that bridge. You can follow the bridge while in the water to avoid the train- ers, but how cheap is that? You might as well battle everyone you can find to level your team as much as possible. At the end of the bridge, different Pokemon are actually in the wild grass.

ROUTE 26 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Dodrio	12%	12%	–
Doduo	28%	28%	–
Ponyta	24%	24%	12%
Quagsire	12%	–	36%
Raticate	–	–	24%
Sandslash	24%	36%	28%
ROUTE 26 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Doduo	40%	40%	–
Ponyta	20%	20%	20%
Quagsire	10%	–	40%
Raticate	30%	40%	40%

Keep going all the way north until a house is in sight. The woman here will heal your Pokemon, which is mighty handy. If you turn right under that ledge below the house and continue south, you’ll find the home of the weekly siblings (those people who give you crap depending on the day of the week). The book lists the whereabouts of all of them in case you missed any.

Go back to the healing lady and trek northward, facing many more train- ers as you go. Notice how the people here, unlike before, carry Pokemon of many different types rather than rely on one specific kind. Yeah, you might want to get used to that. At the top, you can hop down the ledges for a MAX ELIXER, then continue into the border house. The guard will make sure you’ve collected all your badges before you pass, which is really quite redundant because you couldn’t even get to THIS point with- out all eight badges. Keep walking up through this hallway until you reach the door.

VICTORY ROAD

In Red/Blue/Yellow, Victory Road was a long grueling dungeon with annoy- ing puzzles left and right and high-leveled trainers at every turn. In Gold/Silver/Crystal, however, it’s toned down just a bit. Actually, it’s about one hundred times easier than it was in the previous games! I feel that I don’t even have to walk you through this pathetic cave, but I will just in case. Hehe, I almost scared the living crap out of you! God forbid you try to do something on your own.

VICTORY ROAD	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Golbat	32%	32%	32%
Graveler	24%	24%	24%
Onix	16%	16%	16%
Rhyhorn	4%	4%	4%
Ursaring/Donphan*	24%	24%	24%

If Teddiursa/Phanphy was too cruddy for you, you can skip ahead and catch their evolutions. Rhyhorn is also available here. Its a lot like the Geodude group only with higher Defense and lower Speed. At Lv40, it evolves into Rhydon, a slow but powerhouse attacker and defender. Give it some strong Ground and Normal moves and your opponents might pee in their pants at the sight of this monster (except if he/she has a Grass, Ice, or Water that is).

Up and a little left of the entrance is a stairway to a platform. Climb onto it and traverse right then up until your reach an intersection. On the right turn, you may pick up a MAX REVIVE and a FULL HEAL, two items your definitely need for the Pokemon League. Come back and take the left path off the platform. Walk left than a ways up for the ladder.

Walk down and right to the next platform. That item there is only an X SPECIAL, so I wouldn’t waste my time picking it up. Keep going to the end of the platform where you merely walk east and north for the next ladder. We’re on the home stretch already. Get onto that platform above you and go west to the end. Walk right off it and hop over the ledge to a ladder back down. Go up and get that FULL RESTORE. This handy dandy thingamabob will not only heal all your Pokemon’s HP, but get rid of any status conditions as well. Hop over the ledge and take that ladder above you back to the top floor. Go past the platform this time and follow the path around until an opening appears north of you. Save, get ready, and try to exit the cave. Guess who?!

RIVAL BATTLE #5	LV	DIFFICULTY
Sneasel	34	Same old Sneasel
Magneton	35	Same old Magneton
Haunter	35	Same old Haunter
Kadabra	35	Hey! New Kadaba!
Golbat	36	Same old Golbat
(Starter)	38	Same old (Starter)
Ursaring/Donphan*	24%	24%	24%

Well, as you can see by my Difficulty section in the chart thinger, this battle probably won’t be anything new to you. The only differences be- tween this encounter with Assface and the one in the Underground Ware- house are his levels are up just a tiny bit and a new Psychic edition. Kadabra will use Future Sight against you, which will damage your guy in two turns whether you killed Kadabra or not. It will also Recover itself often, but its Defense is so low you can KO it with one turn if you’re good enough. Even his Starter might be a little easier because you most likely leveled up more than he did.

Don’t exit just yet; there’s still a sweet TM we can get here. Continue left on that path before the exit and fall down the hole here. Right of you is TM26. This is Earthquake, an ungodly Ground move. Make sure you give this move to somebody! Jump over the ledge RIGHT of you (not down) and find that ladder we keep climbing up. On the top floor again, find the exit once again and enter it (if that makes any sense).

INDIGO PLATEAU

Here it is: your destiny awaits you. Mom: “Mitchell, could you take out the trash!” Damn it, Mom! Anyway, walk up into the Pokemon League Build- ing. A Center is here, so use it at your will. See the old guy with the weird looking puppet thing beside him. He will teleport you back to New Bark if you wish (well, he can’t, but his Abra can). I suggest you do that and train some more. At the very MINIMUM, you should be at Lv45 right now. The league’s Pokemon ranges from Lv40 to Lv50, and that Lv50 dude is tough. Train in Victory Road or in the grass outside it. You can now Fly to Indigo Plateau if you’re in Kanto.

Once you’re all set, heal one last time and go to the Mart here. If you are a cheap sort of person, you’re going to cringe at this next sen- tence, but I’m going to say it anyway. Spend ALL of your money here on Revives, Hyper Potions, Full Restores, and Full Heals. Items will save you life here, especially if you’re underleveled.

Okay, here we go. Go the right side of the building and walk up. Breathe deep, save, and take the staircase for your first challenge. *takes trash out*

WILL: PSYCHIC DUDE

There’s no escape now. Go up and talk to that weird looking nerd with the glasses to begin battle!

WILL’S POKEMON	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Xatu	40	Electric/Ice
Exeggutor	41	Fire/Ice
Slowbro	41	Electric
Jynx	41	Fire
Xatu	42	Electric/Ice

Technically, Will has all Psychic Pokemon. However, all of those said Pokemon have a second type that make them much easier to beat. Electric and Fire are great here, and so is Ice (but you should save your Ice guy for later). All five of them have the ultimate move Psychic, and most obtain Confuse Ray. Maybe your Full Heals/Restores will come in handy here. Other than that, this is overall an easy battle that will be won by type matching. Don’t worry, it gets much tougher.

KOGA: POISON DUDE

Koga? What the hell is he doing here?! Wow, that’s one hell of a promo- tion. Well, the former leader of the Fuchsia Gym has some brand new Pokemon that, if anything, actually makes him easier than he was in the RBY games.

KOGA’S POKEMON	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Ariados	40	Fire/Psychic
Venomoth	41	Fire/Psychic
Muk	42	Psychic/Ground
Forretress	43	FIRE!!
Crobat	44	Psychic/Electric

Note: if I have a type listed in capitals with exclamation points foll- owing it, that Pokemon is Double Super Effective against it. In other words, bring out your freaking Fire type against Forretress! Fire’s also good against Koga’s two other Bugs, while Psychic will make quick work of the Poison guys. Koga also likes to use evasion with moves like Pro- tect, Minimize, and Double Team. Because of which, it could be difficult to land a hit (especially against Crobat), but it really shouldn’t be that hard. Type advantages are still the key.Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

BRUNO: FIGHTING DUDE

Unlike Koga, Bruno hasn’t gone anywhere in the past three years. I guess he likes it in his little lava-filled room.

BRUNO’S POKEMON	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Hitmontop	42	Psychic/Flying
Hitmonlee	42	Psychic/Flying
Hitmonchan	42	Psychic/Flying
Onix	43	GRASS/WATER/ICE!
Machamp	44	Psychic/Flying

Guess which types you’re going to be using here. If you caught Lugia, you should be in business here (Wal-Mart style). Once again, the Hitmon- chan has the three elemental punches, so I wouldn’t bring out any Flying against him. Onix should be really easy, so you might want to use its turn for healing your other guys. Machamp is pretty tough even with a high level Psychic (Psychics usually have low Defense). Just keep att- acking it and eventually it will die. Isn’t that nice? Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

KAREN: DARK DUDET

Okay then, the fourth member of the Elite Four! The only female turns out to be the toughest of the bunch, but not by that much. Still, hers can be difficult to countertype, so heal up and get ready.

KAREN’S POKEMON	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Umbreon	42	Fighting/Bug
Vileplume	42	Fire/Ice/Flying
Murkrow	44	Electric/Ice
Gengar	45	Ground/Psychic
Houndoom	47	Water/Ground

You might not have a Fighting or a Bug for Umbreon, so take it down with whatever (it’s not that hard). Vileplume and Gengar aren’t Dark types, but they have Dark attacks. Therefore, Ground might be better against the Ghost/Poison Gengar than Psychic, but it might kill itself with Curse anyway. Houndoom may be a little scary with its Speed and Crunch attack, but if your Water is strong enough it ain’t no prob. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

LANCE: DRAGON MASTER

Well, the Elite Four is defeated. That’s it, right? You should know better than that! You must take down the current reigning champion, a man you know pretty well. Good luck, mofo!

LANCE’S POKEMON	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Gyarados	44	ELECTRIC!!
Charizard	46	Water/Electric
Aerodactyl	46	Water/Electric
Dragonite	47	ICE!!!
Dragonite	47	ICE!!!
Dragonite	50	ICE!!!

All of Lance’s are part-Flying, so Electric will do wonders here. The three Dragonites here are very similar to Clair’s Dragon trio in that one’s an Electic (Thunder), one’s an Ice (Blizzard), and one’s a Fire (Fire Blast), the strongest moves of their types. They are also tough because even Ice (which it’s double weak against) might not do as much as you think it will. Nevertheless, that is by far your best option. Icy Wind, Ice Punch, Ice Beam, Blizzard, whatever you have, you use it! Chances are, your Ice attacker will faint after a while, so switch out and heal it with Revives and Hyper Potions, then get it back in there! When Lance is defeated…well…YOU WIN! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS…MY FRIENDS! AND WE *falsetto* KEEP ON FIGHTING *normal tone* TILL THE END! Watch the stupid little scene that follows and bathe in the glory that is Pokemon Championship-ness. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

S.S. AQUA

Oh my God, did you see those cute dancing Pokemon during the credits?! They were so cool! Anyway, now that you’re League Champion and the cred- its have rolled, that’s the game, right? Jeez, you could not be anymore wronger! You’ve just gotten a taste of Kanto; now it’s time for the real thing.

Take one step from your house and Elm will call you yet again. I know, it’s a long trip to his lab, but I think you can make it. Talk to the Prof. and you will receive the S.S.TICKET! Only rich snobs and talk show hosts can ever get one of these babies! Now Fly back to Olivine and find that harbor again. It’s finally open for business, so get past the tight security there and board the S.S. Aqua.

Take a few steps onto this luxury liner and you’ll be bumped by some old jerk. Watch where you’re going, ya fool! Anyway, go left and your room is the last one where the sailor is standing. It even has a PC! Plus, click on that bed there, and your Pokemon will be all healed. How’s that for service? Now exit the room and go around to each cabin and battle the trainers if you want. You’ll notice a staircase on the southeast corner of the boat. Take it and try to progress, but some meanie won’t let you pass. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Now we need to find a slacking sailor. Easy enough. Go back to your room and enter the one next door. Battle his pathetic team and he’ll go back to work. Return to the lower deck (is that what the basement of a boat is called?) and you can walk by now. Beat the remaining trainers just standing around and go up the stairs on the other side. Enter the cock- pit (is that just a plane?) and the Captain will be in there…along with the little girl! Return her to the grandfather and you’ll receive the METAL COAT! Not only will this thing increase Steel moves, you can trade it with either an Onix or Scyther to get their evolutions. Sweet, huh?

Once that’s over, the boat will finally arrive in Vermilion. Return to where you boarded, go through the whole harbor staircase thing, and wel- come back to Kanto. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

VERMILION CITY

Well, they slowed down the music just a bit. You start off in Kanto here in actually the fifth town you reach in the RBY games. Why? I guess be- cause this was the one with the port. Anyway, get used to it because you might be here for a while; the boat doesn’t leave for Johto unless it’s Wednesday or Sunday. The only other way to get back is to Fly to Indigo Plateau, get through Victory Road and the following routes, then swim back to New Bark. It better be something important if you’re willing to make that long-ass journey back.

Check out this cozy seaside town. You’ll notice you can’t go east out of Vermilion because some fat sack of crap is in the way. We’ll worry about that later. The Center is in the northwest section of town in case you are interested. Also notice that the building-in-progress from the RBY hasn’t, well, progressed any in the last three years. Typical contract- ors. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

In the lower left corner of the city is a Gym. What, we need to get more badges? You bet your lazy butt we do! Before that, enter that house above the gym on the left side. Talk to the guy in the back and scroll through his boring story (you don’t have to read it, trust me). Just keep pounding A and he’ll give you a RARE CANDY for “listening”.

That’s all we can do here, so let’s get our first Kanto badge. Cut down that tree and enter the Gym. This was probably the most annoying Gym to get through in the RBY games because you had to find the two switches in the trash cans back-to-back in order to open the door to the leader. Well good news: the traps have been turned off probably because of the power outage going on here. Hooray for electrical shortages! However, the trainers in here still carry Electric type Pokemon, so watch who you bring out against them. Check out the new Kanto battle muzzac! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

LT. SURGE’S POKEMON	LV
Raichu	44
Electrode	40
Electrode	40
Magneton	40
Electabuzz	46

First of all, what war was he talking about? Oh yes, the Viet Cong once tried to invade Kanto. I forgot about that. Anyway, I don’t think you’ll have a problem beating him. In fact, really only one Leader in Kanto is actually going to be a formidible opponent, and it’s the very last one. Raichu’s quick, but nothing your Ground can’t handle. In fact, keep who- ever you tought Earthquake to in the entire battle, because it will most likely be 5 one-hit-KOs if you do. The Electrodes have upgraded from Selfdestruct to Explosion, which is twice as powerful, so be careful of that. The Magneton here knows Zap Cannon, which (if it hits) will auto- matically Paralyze your dude. Electabuzz is tough as well if you don’t have a Ground, but your levels should be good enough to beat it into submission. Once you win, you receive the THUNDERBADGE and…what? No TM? What a cheap jerk! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 6

ROUTE 6 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Abra	15%	15%	15%
Bellsprout	25%	25%	25%
Magnemite	25%	25%	25%
Oddish	–	–	35%
Pidgey	35%	35%	–
ROUTE 6 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Abra	10%	10%	10%
Bellsprout	20%	20%	20%
Magnemite	20%	20%	20%
Meowth	20%	20%	20%
Oddish	–	–	30%
Pidgey	30%	30%	–

This is an extremely short road north of Vermilion with no trainers and new Pokemon, but it’s the only way to the next city on our Kantonese tour. Notice how Underground Path we had to take in RBY is closed. That’s too bad; there were some cool hidden items in there. Anyway, go north all the way to a border house to emerge in an actual city. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

SAFFRON CITY

Unlike Vermilion, there’s a fair amount of things to do here, so let’s work our way upwards. Turn left from the southern entrance and there’s the Pokemon Center in front of you. Keep right on this path you’ll see Mr. Psychic’s House. Talk to him and you’ll get TM29. You guessed it! It’s Psychic! You’re so smart. Walk up onto the second road of buildings and you should notice the really really really really REALLY big one. That’s Silph Co. (RBY players remember it well). You’re not allowed to visit the upper floors (for good reason), but the guard will give you an UP-GRADE. I wonder what that’s for. Well, I already know of course. I was just doing an imitation of you. Did you like it? Imitation is the biggest form of flattery…or hatred…I forget which one. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

The house second from the left on the third lowest row is home of the Copycat Girl. You can’t do anything there just yet, but it’s just fun listening to her parents’ disgust and feeling of failure when it comes to their daughter. On the top row of Saffron, there are four important looking buildings. The one on the left is the Magnet Train Station, which is temporarily shut down due to the power outage. The next one is the way out, but we’ll be taking a different route when we’re done. The next two both have the words “Gym” painted on them. But which is the real Gym?! The left one is just the Fighting Dojo. The man will tell you where his master is currently training, so we can’t fight him yet. How- ever, you may grab that FOCUS BAND sitting over there. If held, it may prevent a Pokemon from fainting. Handy little thing. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

The rightmost Gym is the real Gym, so heal up and enter it. You must use the warp panels in order to reach the Leader, but they’re not that hard to figure out. Step onto the lone panel there, then go in this order: north, west, south, south. There you go! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

SABRINA’S POKEMON	LV
Espeon	46
Mr. Mime	46
Alakazam	48

Didn’t you just love that show with Melissa Joan Hart? Boy, that talking cat was hillarous! This Sabrina, however, is not exactly a barrell of laughs. At least she doesn’t have that whip anymore. You may find her Pokemon to be kind of tough if you’re under Lv48, especially that Ala- kazam. They all have Psychic, and they all will use it…A LOT!. Just keep your cool and use their low Defense to your advantage. If you happ- ened to teach somebody Shadow Ball (that TM Morty gave you way back when), that works pretty well against them (and so do Dark attacks). When she loses, you get the MARSHBADGE. Once again, no TM, but she did call you beloved. That’s kind of nice. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Exit the Gym by going north, north, east, south on the warp panels. That is all there’s to do in Saffron, so let’s keep blowing through this country (believe me, it wasn’t this free and random in the previous games). I want you to exit the city from the west, so walk or bicycle or whatever over there and take the border house out. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 7

This patch of land really shouldn’t even count as a whole route! However there is one thing about this place that may interest you.

ROUTE 7 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Growlithe	24%	32%	24%
Houndour	–	–	8%
Murkrow	–	–	28%
Raticate	12%	16%	20%
Rattata	36%	36%	20%
Spearow	28%	16%	–
ROUTE 7 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Houndour	–	–	8%
Meowth	16%	20%	20%
Murkrow	–	–	24%
Persian	4%	4%	4%
Raticate	20%	24%	24%
Spearow	44%	28%	–
Vulpix	16%	24%	20%

Wild Dark Pokemon! It’s about freaking time! The two Darks only come out at night (well duuuuuh) and the one you want might be hard to find, but it’s worth it. The one you don’t want (Murkrow) comes out way more oft- en. Its stats stink and it’s part-Flying, opening up many weaknesses. It also looks like a hillbilly crow, and who really wants that (I thought crows were bad enough)? Houndour makes Murkrow looks like leftovers for dinner. It gets some pretty sweet moves and gains one of the best Spec- ial Attacks in the game when it evolves (perfect for a Fire/Dark). It’s pretty versatite and could’ve made Sabrina a whole lot easier if you were allowed to catch it at a higher level. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

CELADON CITY

One huge city after another. This place is very similar to Goldenrod in that it has a Game Corner and a huge Pokemart (the only store in Kanto you can buy vitamins like Calcium and HP Up). The Game Corner, located in the very center of town, has some different prizes than its Johto counterpart. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

GAME CORNER PRIZES	COST
Mr. Mime	3333
Eevee	6666
Porygon	9999
TM32 (Double Team)	1500
TM29 (Psychic)	3500
TM15 (Hyper Beam)	7500

This is the only place you can get the Hyper Beam TM, and as you know, that attack sure packs a wallop. That’s a stupid phrase. Anywho, you can buy a Mr. Mime here as well, a Psychic Pokemon with high Special. Un- fortunately, pretty much all of the moves it learns naturally are defen- sive, which can get annoying. Whatever, just teach it Psychic using the TM and you’ll be good to go. You don’t have to buy one actually; wild ones will be available eventually. You must however buy a Porygon if you want one. It’s Normal, but it actually has two moves that can alter it’s own type! Not only that, it gains some pretty decent moves, like Psybeam and Tri Attack, and it has the stats to utilize them. What’s more, Porygon has an evolution in the GSC games: Porygon2! Once again, very creative. You have to trade it while holding an Up-Grade to evolve it though (that’s what they’re for!). Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Notice the Pokemon Mansion in the top center of the city. There’s really nothing exciting if you go in the main door, but you can sneak into the back way if you follow the path right of the Pokemon Center. Keep going up the stairs and enter the little house here. If it’s nightime, the man will recount a “terrifing” story. Heh. For “listening” again, you receive TM03. It’s Curse, a move you should be all too familiar with. If a Ghost uses it, it will cut 1/2 its own HP in return for your oppon- ent’s 1/4 damage every turn. If other Pokemon use it, it will just raise Attack and Defense while lower Speed. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

One more item you might be interested in. The southeastern section of Celadon has a diner that’s currently holding an all-you-can-eat contest. I hope the Black Widow will be there! Check the trash in here to get your hands on LEFTOVERS. That’s…mildly disgusting. Well if you let a Pokemon hold this, it’s HP will improve a little each turn. And, just like the leftovers in my house, it seems to never run out. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Now to find the Gym here. A little below the diner is a skinny tree. You know what to do (I hope). Cut it down and follow the path left. Soon the Gym will appear above you (the one with the horny old guy standing out- side of it). In here are crappy sexist trainers with Grass and Bug type Pokemon, so Fire/Ice/Flying/whatever them away. A Lv33 Hoppip?! You’re freaking kidding me! Anywho, Erika waits for you at the end, so ignore her ADD and begin battle! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ERIKA’S POKEMON	LV
Tangela	42
Jumpluff	41
Bellossom	46
Victreebel	46

Erika is the easiest of the eight Kanto Gym Leaders, in my opinion. Tangela can be killed easily, so waste no time on it. The worst Jumpluff can do to you is Leech Seed, which will suck a little HP out of you each turn. Just switch out to avoid the trouble. Most of them also have Giga Drain, which is a powerful Grass move very similar to Absorb, only much stronger. Bellossom and Victreebel have tricks up their sleeves (if plants had sleeves). If they use Sunny Day, they’re allowed to skip the absorbsion period needed for Solar Beam, making them deadly. I suggest you kill them off quickly (remember Victreebel’s half-Poison, so Psychic works here as well). When you are victorious, Erika grants you with the RAINBOWBADGE and TM19. Finally, a nice Leader! TM19 is that Giga Drain attack, so teach it to a Grass type. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

CYCLING ROAD

Moving right along here. West of Celadon leads to a border house, but if you Cut that tree above you and search in the wild grass, you could see some new Pokemon!

ROUTE 16	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Fearow	50%	–	–
Grimer	30%	80%	60%
Muk	10%	10%	20%
Murkrow	–	–	10%
Slugma	10%	10%	10%

Grimer and Muk are the same old Poison sludgemonsters we’re used to. Their stats are mundane to say the least and it will learn a limited amount of moves. True, you can teach it Sludge Bomb, but pure Poison really sucks eggs in the long run. Slugma is really just a Fire version of Grimer: slow, slimy, and sucky. At Lv38, it evolves into the half- Rock Magcargo and its Defense nearly triples, but everything else just stays put. Probably the worst Fire-type in the game. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Go past the border house and you’ll be forced to ride your Bicycle, which, if you’re like me, you use quite often. Go down a ways and you’ll begin going south while not even touching the control pad! Ahhhhh! Well, you’re biking downhill, so what do ya expect? On the upper right side, there’s wild grass. It’s the same Pokemon as Route 16, only without Murkrow. There are also a few trainers here (unlike the RBY days where this place was just crawling with them), so get some EXP while you’re at it. At the bottom, crawl over to the right and come out of the other side of the house. You’re not home free yet. Two Birdkeepers are out to get ya, so take them on (the wild grass is exactly the same as Cycling Road), and continue east into Fushcia. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

FUCHSIA CITY

Before, the only things to accomplish in Fuchsia was the Gym and the Safari Zone. Well, if you go up to the north end of town, you’ll see that the Safari Zone went out of business (they even confiscated the door!). Plus, they removed the little zoo they had here! How drone this place feels now. Oh well, might as well get that badge. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

The easiest way to get to both the Center and the Gym is to Fly to it, even when you’re in the city. For some reason, they stuck both of them on a ledge that’s difficult to find the entrance to. Go heal up and enter the Gym. Oh my goodness! Which one’s the real Gym Leader? Of cour- se, they had to be mean and put the actual Leader at the end, but you might as well battle all of them for expirence. Also, the “invisible” walls are still there, but they’re extremely easy to get around (they have dotted lines on the floor where they are, stupid). Make your way around the sides, shake your head at the cross dresser impersonator, and reach the real Janine at the far left.

JANINE’S POKEMON	LV
Crobat	36
Ariados	33
Weezing	36
Weezing	36
Venomoth	39

Janine is just a crappier version of her father (with some of the same Pokemon, too). Even Clair had higher leveled dudes! If your guys are above Lv40 (which I trust that you are, or else the Elite Four would’ve kicked your ass), this will be cake to you. Bring out a Psychic or Fire or Ground or anything really and you’ll win before you know it. She will give you the SOULBADGE and TM06. It’s Toxic, a move that will Poison your foe, except the amount of damage taken will exponentially increase every turn. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Get out of this gym and make sure you’re all healed up; we’re going to take the long way out of town. Walk over to the east side and exit Fuchsia from there.

ROAD TO LAVENDER

ROUTES 13-15	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Chansey	4%	4%	4%
Hoppip	28%	28%	–
Nidorina	12%	20%	20%
Nidorino	12%	20%	20%
Noctowl	–	–	20%
Pidgeotto	20%	20%	–
Quagsire	16%	–	36%
Skiploom	8%	8%	–

Catching a Chansey was nearly impossible in RBY, and it’s not much eas- ier here. You only have a 4% chance of seeing it, and it will most like- ly flee once you do. The thing with Chansey is extremely high HP and Special Defense, but low everything else. It gets a whole bunch of weird Normal moves (some that only Chansey can learn), but it doesn’t have the stats to back them up. If you make it happy, it evolves into Blissey and gains a little Special Attack, but not much else. Still, you should try to catch one (maybe even two) if you’re filling the Pokedex. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

There are a crapload of trainers as you trek east, so battle them just for the hell of it (do you see how easy battling is now?). At the end, there is a skinny tree above you. Cut it and go back west above the ledge for a PP UP. Return to the treeless spot and continue north now. If you choose to take the path left of the bushes, you’ll find a patch of grass beyond a skinny tree. Talk to the lady standing around here and she’ll offer to trade her Aerodactyl for a Chansey. This is the only in-game trade that’s actually worth it, for you can’t get Aerodactyl anywhere else (except from RBY). It’s one of the fastest in the game andcan learn some pretty cool moves (Ancientpower at Lv29). It’s Rock/Fly- ing combo kind of blows, but it’s still a sweet Pokemon. As for trading for it, I suggest you just catch one Chansey, then breed it with a Ditto to get an egg. It’ll take a while to hatch, but it could be worth it. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Now travel the road upwards on the right side. Eventually, you’ll reach some sort of maze. From the trainer, walk left then up the first chance you get. Now go right all the way until you’re forced to turn up. Beat the freaky king guy then go right and immediately up. Next, go right, down, left, down, beat the trainer, left, down, right, down, right, and you’re out! Now the path is pretty straight forward, but you can veer off the pier for some good items. Soon you’ll reach a house. The final Fishing Guru! Answer “yes” and you get the best fishing lure in the game: the SUPER ROD. About time! Continue up the path a little more and you have the option to turn left. If you do, you end up in a field of grass and trainers known as Route 11.

ROUTE 11	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Drowzee	44%	44%	44%
Hypno	12%	12%	12%
Magnemite	20%	20%	20%
Rattata	24%	24%	24%

If you go all the way west here, you’ll just end up on the other end of that Snorlax you saw in Vermilion. We still can’t get it out of our way yet, but soon, young grasshopper. Return to the eastern path when you’re ready. Just continue moving northward and you’ll arrive in a spooky village. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

LAVENDER TOWN

Well, it was spooky at one time! They even softened up the music here! What a bunch of bullcrap. What makes this town very weird is that they built a Radio Tower where the Pokemon Tower Cemetery once was. Can you say tacky? The new cemetery is south of it, so say hi to Mr. Fuji if you want. As for the Radio Tower, you’re only allowed on the ground floor because of the happenings at Goldenrod (but you were the one that ended that!). You can’t get what you want quite yet, but we’ll return soon. As for now, exit Lavender from the west. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 8

ROUTE 8 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Abra	24%	24%	24%
Growlithe	12%	12%	12%
Haunter	–	–	24%
Kadabra	8%	8%	8%
Noctowl	–	–	32%
Pidgeotto	56%	56%	–
ROUTE 8 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Abra	16%	16%	16%
Haunter	–	–	24%
Kadabra	8%	8%	8%
Meowth	20%	20%	20%
Noctowl	–	–	24%
Pidgeotto	44%	44%	–
Vulpix	12%	12%	8%
Rattata	24%	24%	24%

This is the only place you can catch an evolved Abra, in case you were interested. Route 8 just leads to the eastern entrance of Saffron, but you could just Fly there if you really wanted to. I just wanted to point out that this place exists and you could battle the trainers here (in- cluding the powerful Kanto Pokemon Federation…ooooooh). Now return to Lavender. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROCK TUNNEL

North of Lavender Town leads to a cave, home to new Pokemon and some cool items, so get your Flash Pokemon ready, and let’s check it out. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROCK TUNNEL (1F)	ALL DAY
Cubone	32%
Geodude	24%
Machoke	4%
Machop	24%
Zubat	16%
ROCK TUNNEL (B1)	ALL DAY
Cubone	32%
Geodude	20%
Kangaskhan	8%
Marowak	8%
Onix	20%
Zubat	12%

Machop and evolution Machoke are pretty good Fighting-types when it’s all said and done. Armed with high Attack, decent moves, and nice HP, you really can’t get much better (yet). Trade it and you’ll receive a Machamp, arguably the best Fighter in the game. Cubone is an odd fellow with many exclusive Ground moves: Bone Club, Bonemerang, and Bone Rush (are you noticing the theme here?). It also has high Defense and slight- ly higher than average Attack, making it a sufficient prospect. Too bad you couldn’t catch it earlier. And then there’s Kangaskhan. High HP and Speed makes up this mutated kangaroo. It can be taught nearly every TM move, making it a deadly Normal type. But shouldn’t Kangaskhan have a baby Pokemon (Joeykublakhan)? Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Walk straight up onto the platform and you’ll see TM47. It’s Steel Wing, a Steel move pretty much all Flying types can use. Also, you can get an ELIXER if you turn left before the platform. Anyway, go right all the way then take that hallway up for the first ladder. In the basement now, keep going south until you can turn right past the rocks. If you choose to go south here, a PP UP is waiting for you. Return to the previous spot and continue east back up the ladder. Here, go west than north to return to the basement. In this section, just go south and west until you hit a T-junction (I got that question right on my driver’s test). Go left for an IRON, then right all the way for the ladder. Walk east, making the turns where necessary, and you’ll find the exit.

ROAD TO CERULEAN

Heal up at this conveniently placed Pokemon Center. Go north from it and you’ll see wild grass.

ROUTE 9 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Fearow	4%	4%	–
Mankey	32%	32%	32%
Primeape	8%	8%	8%
Raticate	12%	12%	24%
Rattata	24%	24%	36%
Spearow	20%	20%	–
ROUTE 9 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Fearow	12%	12%	–
Raticate	20%	20%	40%
Rattata	28%	28%	60%
Spearow	40%	40%	–

Primeape is just an evolved Mankey, by the way. Above the grass is a stream of water. Surf on it all the way down and you’ll come to a build- ing and some more wild grass. This catching spot is way more fertile. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 10	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Electabuzz	8%	8%	16%
Fearow	8%	12%	–
Quagsire	16%	–	32%
Raticate	20%	24%	24%
Spearow	20%	24%	–
Voltorb	28%	32%	28%

Two good Electric types to catch here. Voltorb is renowed for its in- credible Speed (evolved form Electrode is ranked #1 in the game). It won’t learn any Electric attacks naturally, but teach it the Thunder TM and you could get yourself quite a lot of one-hit-KOs. Electabuzz isn’t close to Voltorb in the way of Speed, but it makes up for it with brute strength. It learns Thunder Punch at Lv9 (so it will already have it) and even better Electric attacks along the line. Breed it for a new Pokemon: Elekid, who has nearly as good stats and moves as its parents. It seriously blows that the jerks at Nintendo won’t let you catch these guys sooner in the game.

Enter the building here. Wow, they really spruced up the Power Plant since the last time we came here in RBY. No Zapdos though. If you talk to the people in here, you’ll realize why the power is out all over Kan- to. Go to the blue carpet area in here and listen to the manager’s ti- rade. Now try to exit, and you’ll learn some vital information. Hmmmmm, vital. Return to that wild grass above the Pokemon Center. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

From here, walk left a little bit and hop over the two ledges below you. Go all the way west on this path then up through the opening. Once again continue left until you can go north twice up the ledges. Walk left into the wild grass (once again, Spearows and Rattatas) and down for a skinny tree. Cut it and go a little bit more west into Cerulean, away from those stupid hippies.

CERULEAN CITY

There’s really nothing to do in this place, so heal up and enter the Gym. Oh damn it. What the hell is “Bye-bye a go-go” anyway? Well this was a waste of time anyway because the freaking Gym Leader isn’t even here! Oh well, just exit the Gym. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Explore this “city” a little more. If you played RBY, you’ll notice that the guy whose TM was stolen from him is really adament on crime now. Ain’t that nice? Well, there’s still nothing to do, so find a bridge on the northern end. Let’s see if we can entertain ourselves up there. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

NUGGET BRIDGE & CERULEAN CAPE

Haha! There he is! Take on the final (and this time I mean it) Rocket’s lone Golbat and he’ll wallow in misery and self-unimportance. You know, with his accent he could make a good cab driver. Continue up the bridge until you may Surf on the water to the left. Travel on this river here until you see a kid to your right. Face where the rock on your left juts in a little an click to find the BERSERK GENE! This will raise the Att- ack of a Pokemon who holds it, but may Confuse it. Now go back to the top of the bridge.

ROUTE 24	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Abra	24%	24%	12%
Bellsprout	36%	36%	12%
Oddish	–	–	36%
Sunkern	–	20%	–
Venomoth	–	–	24%
Venonat	20%	–	12%
Weepinbell	20%	20%	4%

This is the only other place to catch a Sunkern other than National Park, just so you know. Anyway, the setup as you go east up here is very similar to that of Nugget Bridge back in the RBY days, and you even get the same lousy prize. You must battle eight trainers as you get through here for a NUGGET. Don’t worry, you can go back and heal in between fights, but I don’t think you’ll need it (you should be reaching or over Lv50 by now). At the end, you’ll catch the Gym Leader with some guy at the Cape’s famous makeout point. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Anyway, she’ll be all pissy and return to the gym. Pbbbt, hornball teenagers. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

In the house here (formerly Bill’s), you’ll find an old dude who ob- viously doesn’t get out much and wants to see some certain Pokemon. Bring him a Lickitung for an EVERSTONE. Don’t worry, it gets better. Now he wants to see an Oddish (obviously). Show him that and you get a LEAF STONE! Sweet! It’s the only way to evolve certain Pokemon and the only way to get evolutionary stones in the game. The next are in the follow- ing order: Staryu for a WATER STONE, Vulpix for a FIRE STONE, and Pichu for a THUNDER STONE. You probably won’t have a Pichu right now, but you could soon. Now let’s finish up this place. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

CLEANING UP EAST KANTO

Return to Cerulean and enter the Gym. Don’t battle any trainers just yet; you see that square of water in the middle of the path? Surf in it and face the northwest corner. Click on that spot and you get the MACH- INE PART! Mazel tov (I haven’t said that in a while)! Now take care of the crappy Swimmers, heal, and take on Misty.

MISTY’S POKEMON	LV
Golduck	42
Quagsire	42
Lapras	44
Starmie	47

She could be just a tiny bit difficult if you bring out the wrong Poke- mon, so listen to my words of wisdom carefully. They all will use Surf quite a lot, but it’s the secondary moves you should be worried about. Golduck will use Confusion on you if you send out a Grass that’s half Poison, which most are. Quagsire’s resistant to Electric remember (and will use Earthquake on you if you forget), so here’s where Grass comes in handy. Lapras is part-Ice, so no Grass, Flying, or Dragon (if you actually have one) for her. Starmie’s tricky because it has a Water, Ice, and a Psychic move (along with Recover just to piss you off). Get rid of it quickly and you will be the victor. She gives you the CASCADE- BADGE, and nothing more. Itch with a B. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

For now, take the road south of Cerulean. Once again, all this does is lead to Saffron, but there’s an item here you might be curious of. Hop over the ledges until you reach a house. Enter it and talk to the crazy old lady, who will give you a CLEANSE TAG. Let the first Pokemon in your party hold it, and your chances of encountering wild Pokemon are cut in half. Repels are better, but whatever. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Now you must return the Machine Part to the Power Plant. Unfortunatly, we can’t fly to the Center there, so you must take that road east of Cerulean back. Cut the skinny tree and hop over the ledge below you. Take this path right to the very end until you must go north. Go through the next two ledges where you’ll meet Hiker Tim. Walk past him and hop over the ledge on the right side of the rocky thing. Now continue east a bit more and you’re back at that stream. Surf it down and enter the Power Plant. Talk to the manager again and he’ll award you with TM07. It’s Zap Cannon, an Electric attack that won’t hit too often, but will automatically Paralyze once it does.

Next thing you should do is Fly to Saffron. The Magnet Train is running, but you don’t have a pass to use it. No problem; enter the house of the Copycat (second house from the left on the second highest row). Talk to her mother and she’ll tell you she lost a Pokedoll a boy gave her three years ago. I wonder who that boy could’ve been. Go up to the Copycat and you’ll actually talk to her (it’s the only time words come out of your mouth). Now let’s find that doll. You could spend all day searching Kan- to for it, or you can just listen to me while I tell you (you cheating piece of crap). Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Fly to Vermilion now and enter that Pokemon Fan Club. No, you don’t have to listen to that guy’s boring story again (thank goodness). However, speak to the guy sitting on the left side of the table. You’ll get the LOST ITEM from him. Go back to Saffron and return the doll to the Copy- cat. For being a good boy, you get the PASS! Yes, now you can take the train back to Johto instead of waiting around for the S.S. Aqua. The station is in the northern end of Saffron, and you’ll be dropped off at the Goldenrod exit. Shibby! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Now that we’ve got that all straightened out, there still one huge prob- lem we have to deal with (a 1014 pound problem to be exact). How to wake that Snorlax up that’s blocking Diglett’s Cave? Well in the RBY games, we used a Pokeflute that we recieved from Lavender town, so let’s check out that place. Enter the Radio Tower here and talk to the man with the blue hair and the hat (yeah, what’s up with that, by the way?). For re- storing power he’ll give you the EXPN. CARD. Okay then, crazy guy (a lot of psychos running around Kanto). If you check out the new radio stat- ions, you’ll see one of them is called “Pokeflute”. Bingo! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Fly to Vermilion and walk up to that Snorlax. Save, then put your radio on the Pokeflute station and click on the behemoth. You’ll be launched into battle. You can kill it if you want, but just know it’s the only one in the game. If you wish to catch it, chip away at it’s HP (and you should probably Poison him or something like that as well). It’s annoy- ing because he has Leftovers and Rest, but it’s all the more reason to catch him (plus he’s freaking Lv50!). Whatever you do with it, it will move and allow you to enter the cave.

DIGLETT’S CAVE	ALL DAY
Diglett	88%
Dugtrio	12%

Who’d thought you’d see a Diglett in Diglett’s Cave?! Diglett and its evolved form (Dugtrio) are pure Ground with high Speed and low…well… everything else. It’ll learn some good moves naturally (Slash, Fissure) but the stats get in the way a lot. Donphan surely wipes the floor (or the ground…hehe) with it. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

The cave is pretty straightforward, so get through it and you’ll emerge in another part of Kanto.

ROUTE 2: EAST SI-EDE

From the exit of Diglett’s, go right and up for a CARBOS. Now walk down until a house is a little left of you. Enter it, and this guy will give you a NUGGET for no apparent reason! Thanks, random stranger. If you continue south here (cutting a tree then going through a border house), you’ll find an ELIXER. Go back to Diglett’s Cave and Cut the tree west of it. Above you is some grass (no, not that kind of grass, stoner).

ROUTE 2 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Ariados	–	–	8%
Betterfree	8%	–	–
Caterpie	20%	20%	–
Hoothoot	–	–	56%
Metapod	36%	20%	–
Noctowl	–	–	8%
Pidgeotto	8%	8%	–
Pidgey	20%	44%	–
Pikachu	8%	8%	8%
Spinarak	–	–	20%
ROUTE 2 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Beedrill	8%	–	–
Hoothoot	–	–	76%
Kakuna	36%	24%	–
Ledian	8%	–	–
Ledyba	20%	–	–
Noctowl	–	–	16%
Pidgeotto	–	8%	–
Pidgey	–	44%	–
Pikachu	8%	8%	8%
Weedle	20%	16%	–

I’ve got to say, for the poster child of the entire Pokemon industry, Pikachu sure decided to show up rather late in the game. This is act- ually the only place to catch this Electric type, but it won’t show up too often. Its stats are so-so, but learns quite a lot of attacks (the powerful Thunderbolt at Lv26!). Give it a Thunder Stone for a Raichu, or breed it for the unbearably cute Pichu (if you’ve played Super Smash Bros. Melee, you know what I mean). Pikachu’s on the bottom of the Ele- ctric list, but it still ain’t so bad to use. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Beat the lone trainer here, and go north for Pewter City.

PEWTER CITY

There’s not much to do here, but you can go and get a really important item. East of the Pokemart here is an old dude just walking around. Talk to him, and you’ll receive the SILVER WING if you’re playing Gold, or a RAINBOW WING for Silver! Whoa! It always seems like its the senior cit- izens that are giving us the good crap. Social Security at work. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Now let’s take on the very first Gym Leader in the entire Pokemon ser- ies. Beat the lone trainer in the Gym and prepare for one of the easiest badges yet.

BROCK’S POKEMON	LV
Graveler	41
Rhyhorn	41
Omastar	42
Kabutops	42
Onix	44

Okay, guess what? That’s right: EVERY SINGLE ONE OF BROCK’S POKEMON ARE DOUBLE-SUPER-EFFECTIVE AGAINST GRASS! All five of them! So if you have a Grass Pokemon, you can just close your eyes and keep pressing A on any Grass attack. That’s it! If you don’t have a Grass, Water works almost as well (Electric’s good against Omastar and Kabutops). Otherwise, Grass Grass Grass! Once you win handly, you get the good old BOULDERBADGE! Ah, memories. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 3

Going east of Pewter is a road that will bring us to Mt. Moon, a myster- ious cave filled with…mystery. Where’s a thesaurus when you need one? Beat the weak trainers as you go and you’ll come to a catchin’ spot.

ROUTE 3 (G)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Jigglypuff	12%	12%	12%
Rattata	32%	32%	56%
Spearow	56%	56%	–
Zubat	–	–	32%
ROUTE 3 (S)	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Arbok	8%	8%	8%
Ekans	20%	20%	20%
Jigglypuff	8%	8%	8%
Rattata	40%	40%	24%
Spearow	24%	24%	–
Zubat	–	–	40%

Jigglypuff isn’t a particularly exciting Normal Pokemon. Everything ex- cept HP is horrible, making it an easily killable target for you oppon- ent. However, breed it for the mini-balloon Igglybuff and you’ll be an- other step closer to completing that Dex thing you have…unless you don’t want to (I don’t blame you).

Continue on the path through Route 3 until a cave entrance is above you. Make sure your team is all healed up and that you save before you step foot in there! I’m warning you! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

MT. MOON

I warned you!

RIVAL BATTLE #6	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Sneasel	41	FIGHTING/Fire
Magneton	41	GROUND/Fighting
Golbat	42	Electric/Psychic
Gengar	43	Psychic/Ground
Alakazam	43	Dark/Ghost/Bug
(Starter)	45	Depends

All of Assface’s Pokemon can either be tough or easy depending on who your bring out yourself. All of them have relatively high-damaging moves and an answer to whatever you try to do. The strategy here is to bull- doze them out of your way before that can retalliate (after all, you are higher leveled than him). When you finally defeat him, he’ll go on about stuff and swear he’ll show you up one day. You know, you almost feel sort of bad for him. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Nah! Anyway, what happens to Assface now? Well if you go to Indigo Plat- eau on Mondays or Wednesdays, he’ll challenge you to a battle with the same Pokemon about five levels higher than they are now. Also, you can find him inside the Dragon’s Den on Tuesdays and Thursdays pondering, but he will refuse to battle.

Now for Mt. Moon. Before in RBY, this was a challenging first cave that you could easily get lost in. Well, like Victory Road, this is not even close to being true anymore. However, the same Pokemon still dwell in this cavern. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

MT. MOON (G)	ALL DAY
Clefairy	8%
Geodude	40%
Paras	16%
Sandshrew	16%
Sandslash	4%
Zubat	24%
MT. MOON (S)	ALL DAY
Clefairy	16%
Geodude	52%
Paras	8%
Zubat	24%

Clefairy and Jigglypuff are very similar in stats and moves. It gets this new move Moonlight, which will heal all HP if its night, all the way at Lv49. Also like Jigglypuff, it has a new baby Pokemon: Cleffa. It’s not worth using, but it’s just so cute and fluffy that you just can’t help to catch one! Oh, you just want to hug it to death…or until you snap its neck and partly paralyze it.

The cave is very simple; just walk stright left and you’ll be in Mt. Moon Square. Freaky music. Anyway, during the day this shop here will be open. They don’t sell anything special, but you can get drinks the Lem- onade in large quantities instead of just one by one in vending mach- ines. The thing you should notice is the square left of it. On Monday nights, Clefairy will appear and do some satanic ritual. Smash the rock with the good old Rock Smash move you probably got rid of and get a MOON STONE. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Take the southern entrance into the cave system, then hop over the ledge and exit it here. You’ll emerge in Route 4, which doesn’t contain any- thing except crappy trainers and a HP UP. Now since that stupid side- quest is over, Fly back to Pewter City. Go south to Route 2 and let’s explore it from the other section. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 2: WEST SI-EDE

Below the wild grass is what’s left of Viridian Forest. Looks like they are clearing the land here for a brand new strip mall/ciniplex. Get through the maze here (just go down and up and down and up and etc.) and continue south to yet another city! It just never ends! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

VIRIDIAN CITY

Man, does every friggin’ town in Kanto have the same stupid music?!?! Anywho, if you turn right as soon as you enter, you may see the Gym. Don’t bother entering though; the Leader’s not home; you’re going to have to find him! As for now, there is one interesting place to go in this city. The Trainer House, which is located in the center of town, lets you battle one trainer a day. What’s cool is that if you ever used that Mystery Gift thinger, you can actually battle somebody you actually know! The game will record the exact Pokemon of the person you traded with and you could end up fighting with your best friend (though you might not have any friends if you’re still playing Pokemon). If you never had a chance to use Mystery Gift, you’ll end up battling some kid named Cal with three Lv50 fuly-evolved starters. Oh crapshait! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

One last thing here. If you go to the southwest part of town you could see a guy standing around in a little enclosed area. Cut the tree and talk to him and (exactly like in RBY) he’ll give you TM42: Dream Eater! Use it on a sleeping opponent and you’ll suck its HP and keep it for yourself. Now let’s move on. Go south to the first road in the series. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 1

ROUTE 1	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Furret	12%	12%	–
Hoothoot	–	–	44%
Pidgey	44%	44%	–
Rattata	24%	24%	56%
Sentret	20%	20%	–

Once again, just another short road with nothing to see or do. You can skip along with the music if you want, but I suggest you to that in the santity of your own room. Just get through it and enter the town where it all began. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

PALLET TOWN

Ah, good old Pallet Town: a tranquil setting of peace and purity. Well, it’s a much better slogan than anything New Jersey can come up with! Anywho, walk and talk around this place, and you might even discover who’s Virdian’s Gym Leader is. Interesting. Finally, speak to Prof. Oak in his lab. He’ll say that he will do something special for you if you collect all of Kanto’s badges. Well, we already have three-quarters of them, why not go for them all (as if you had a choice). Once outside, see that strip of water jutting inward? Surf on it! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 21 & CINNIBAR…ISLAND?

ROUTE 21	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Mr. Mime	12%	12%	12%
Tangela	88%	88%	88%
FISHING	OLD	GOOD	SUPER
Chinchou	–	25%	50%
Lanturn	–	–	10%
Magikarp	90%	40%	–
Shellder	–	25%	30%
Tentacool	10%	10%	–
Tentacruel	–	–	10%

You can catch a Mr. Mime in the grass to your right, if you’re up for it. Also, the fishing ain’t so bad here, so it might be a good time to try out your Super Rod. Keep Surfing south until the next town is below you (or at least what’s left of it). Talk to the people in the Pokemon Center to find out what happened to this place. Should’ve got that in- surance (Duck: “Aflac!”). North of the Pokemon Center, there’s a guy just standing around like a dufus. If you talk to him, you’ll find that he’s no ordinary dufus, he’s a Leader dufus (and a rival dufus if you played RBY)! He’ll agree to return to the Gym in Viridian. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Well, according to the sign outside the Center, we know where the next Gym is situated. So heal up and Surf east until you hit land. Welcome to what was formerly the Seafoam Islands, home of a legendary bird Poke- mon. Well, all that’s here now is an old bald guy with some Fire power, so let’s take this geezer on!

BLAINE’S POKEMON	LV
Magcargo	45
Magmar	45
Rapidash	50

His levels are rather high, but nothing to worry about. Magcargo is 2x weak against Water, so it’s a no-brainer what to use on him. In fact, just keep whomever you just Surfed on two seconds ago out the entire battle and you’ll win for sure. They all have the strong Sunny Day/Fire Blast combination, but nothing to fret if you have a Water type out there. When you win, Blaine will give you the VOLCANOBADGE (I bet he’s hating that name right about now)! Just one more to go, so let’s not waste any more time! Fly back to Viridian. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

FINISHING KANTO

Enter the Gym and you’ll think you’ve entered Legoworld! Hooray for cheap labor! For the final time, make sure you’re healed, save, and click on him to start the final Gym Leader battle.

BLUE’S POKEMON	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Pidgeot	56	Electric/Ice
Alakazam	54	Ghost/Dark
Rhydon	56	GRASS/ICE/WATER
Gyarados	58	ELECTRIC
Arcanine	58	Water/Ground
Exeggutor	58	Fire/Ice

Holy crap! This will probably be your first challenging battle in quite a while, so brace yourself. First out will be Pidgeot, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. It has Mirror Move, a strange attack that will copy your last move and send it right back at you. Use an attack that won’t do much on yourself (like an Electric using an Electric attack). Blue’s Alazakam is pretty much exactly like Sabrina’s, only six levels higher. It, of course, has Psychic, which might actually deplete your HP quite a lot if you’re not careful. Rhydon’s not too bad if you KO it right away (it might kill you with Earthquake if you don’t). Gyarados’ Hyper Beam and Thrash can take down your Electric dude in a jiffy, so give it all you’ve got there. Arcanine’s pretty simple if you just keep a Water type out (it’ll refuse to hurt you with Fire Blast and rely on Extreme- speed, just a better version of Quick Attack). As for Exeggutor, a pow- erful Fire type will beat it if you don’t leave it in the Psychic cross- fire for too long. Eventually, if you hang in there long enough, you will win this match and be awarded with the game’s final badge: the EARTHBADGE. That was well-deserved, if I do say so myself. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Now Fly to Pallet Town (or walk; it’s not that far away, chubby). Enter Oak’s Lab and talk with the professor to make arrangements to visit Mt. Silver. Oh, what’s that all about? One last thing we can do in Kanto. Fly to Vermillion and go to where the Snorlax was. Speak to the man a little left of that and he’ll give you an HP UP for getting all the badges. Not really worth it, but thanks *mumbles* jackass *cough*. That is all for this country. Now return to your homeland by way of train or boat or whatever.

LEGENDARY BIRDS, PART II

Now’s the time to go and do the other dungeon you weren’t allowed to ex- plore after you defeated Clair (Whirl Islands for Gold, Tin Tower for Silver). So scroll up to the Legendary Birds section (or press Ctrl+F and type in “Potato Chips”) and complete the one you didn’t do before! Once again, you don’t have to complete this quest if you don’t want, but don’t you want another kick-ass Flying Pokemon? The Legendary Bird you couldn’t catch before is now Lv70 (!!!), but The plan to nab it is basically the same: Paralyze it, widdle down its HP to the red, and chuck Ultra Balls. When you’re finished, come back to this spot to continue with the game. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

MT. MORTAR

Our next optional destination is very close to Ecruteak as well. Actu- ally, we could’ve done this a while ago (after Clair), but I could just tell you were itchin’ to go beat the League and explore Kanto first. I know you like a book. But before we do this, I must warn you about some- thing. I’m only going to say it once, but I’ll say it in Caps Lock to make sure you get it: ONLY HAVE FIVE POKEMON IN YOUR PARTY!!! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Take the eastern exit out of Ecruteak until you come to a cave opening. Ignore it and Surf right until you see yet another door. That’s the one we want, so enter it and use that Flash. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

MT. MORTAR #1	ALL DAY
Geodude	20%
Machop	16%
Marill	<1%*
Rattata	16%
Zubat	48%
MT. MORTAR #2	ALL DAY
Graveler	20%
Machoke	16%
Raticate	16%
Zubat	48%
SURFING	ALL DAY
Goldeen	84%
Marill	<1%*
Seaking	16%

For Pokemon purposes, this section you’re in right now counts as Mt. Mortar #1. Anyway, get into the water that surrounds you and Surf up- wards. Eventually, you’ll reach an unclimbable Waterfall. Well, it’s won’t be unclimbable anymore with the spectacular Waterfall move! Heh, I need to get a job. Use Waterfall and keep Surfing up around a block to dry land. Enter the next room here.

From now on, you’ll be in Mt. Mortar #2. This room is rather difficult to get around in, so listen to my angelic voice carefully. Walk up and left at the rocks to a puddle of water. Get used to Surfing on these and you travel across it north. Go up a ways until you can take a RARE CANDY right from the floor. It has more flavor that way. Return to the ent- rance and walk right this time. Surf on the water east of you across then the one above. Snag the MAX POTION, then swim north once more. Go left as far as you can in this section here and jump off the ledge on the southwest corner. Continue left until a pool of water is above you; Surf on it. A ledge will be to you right, so hop over it and keep going right until you find another small body of water. Surf up on it and on the platform here is an ESCAPE ROPE.

East of the platform is another ledge. Jump over it and swim northwest on the water here. Now at the very top of the cave, travel west all the way until you must jump over the ledge below you. To your left, you’ll see a ladder. Keep it in mind for now as you jump over the next ledge for an ELIXER. Surf right on the water up to a platform. On it is one of the two can’t-find-anywhere-else prizes in here: the DRAGON SCALE. The whole purpose of this thing is to give it to a Seadra, then trade it. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Surf right into the water below the platform to land. Hop over the ledge south then the next. If you did it right, you’ll arrive at another item on a platform. This is TM40, probably the most worthless TM in the game. It contains Defense Curl, a move that will be raise your Defense stat just a bit. Why they made it a TM you could only get in the end of the game just totally floors me, but they did. Damn drugies at Nintendo! Now jump straight down the ledges until you reach the entrance again. Guess what? You’re going to have to do all that over again. Don’t you just hate me?! Well, repeat the instructions in the previous two para- graphs until you hit that ladder again. Now take it down. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Get off the platform-on-top-of-a-platform and follow the roundabout path right. Soon you’ll come to a dilemma. Take the left path of the plat- form then go down for a MAX REVIVE. Now follow the path here west then south until you reach another ladder. In the deep basement now, go right until you see a trainer here. What the hell? Talk to him and he will take you on with his Lv34 Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan. Piece of cake. For winning, you’ll will recieve a one-of-a-kind Pokemon (if you have an em- pty slot in your party).

Tyrogue sucks. It has terrible stats and can only ever learn Tackle. Then why did I drag you down here just to get a crumby Pokemon? Well, maybe there’s more to Tyrogue than you think. At Lv20, it will evolve into one of three powerful Fighting Pokemon: Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan, or Hitmontop. Hells yeah! Well, which one will he evolve into? It’s a lit- tle complicated, but I’m sure you and your Master’s Degree can under- stand it. If Tyrogue’s Attack stat is higher than its Defense at Lv20, you will get a Hitmonlee. If its Defense is higher than its Attack, you will be blessed with a Hitmonchan at Lv20. Or, if Attack and Defense equal each other (at Lv20 of course), be prepared to raise a Hitmontop. Well then, all knowledgeable Mitchell, what’s the difference between the three? Hitmonlee likes to kick, so it has a higher Attack stat. Hitmon- chan is good at punching (especially the elemental ones), so it’s has good Special Attack. Hitmontop…well…likes to spin around like an idiot, so it actually isn’t that good (nice stats, but no moves). Hit- monlee is better statistically, but I personally like Hitmonchan because of the elements. If you can make it learn Ice Punch, Fire Punch, Thun- derpunch, and Mega Punch, you have a Pokemon than can pretty much take on anything (except Psychic, of course). As for evolving it in your favor, give it Proteins and Irons to make it lean however you want. But save before it hits Lv20; sometimes the stats won’t increase evenly and screw it all up. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Well that was surely exciting. Now use an Escape Rope to get the hell out of here!!!

BACK TO KANTO…FOR A BIT

Now here’s the mandatory part needed to beat the game once and for all. Prof. Oak said he would pull some strings to get you into Mt. Silver, and the old man delievered on his word (though I don’t know just what he had to do *shudders*). Mt. Silver is in Johto, but you must return to Kanto in order to reach it, so Fly to Goldenrod and take the train back. Once in Saffron, Fly to Viridian and make sure you’re healed up. There’s a path going west out of the city that we haven’t taken before, so do so to enter Route 22.

ROUTE 22	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Doduo	8%	8%	–
Fearow	12%	12%	–
Ponyta	8%	8%	20%
Rattata	28%	28%	80%
Spearow	44%	44%	–

This used to be the path to take to Indigo Plateau in the RBY games. Go south and stop at the ledge. Now walk west until wind grass is above you; get through it to the other side. West again until more grass is below a ledge. Jump over it and continue south until you stop at the next ledge. Walk left just a bit then north to a house. If you have a good memory, this is the house you had to stop at before Victory Road. These hallways were blocked before, but thanks to that wonderful Prof. Oak, you’re free to travel now. Go west across the main hallway to the other skinny one and emerge a different part of Johto. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

ROUTE 28

ROUTE 28	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Dodrio	12%	12%	–
Doduo	8%	8%	–
Ponyta	24%	24%	24%
Rapidash	16%	16%	16%
Sneasel	–	–	8%
Tangela	24%	24%	28%
Ursaring/Donphan*	16%	16%	24%

Be prepared, because the Pokemon here are around Lv40 (the highest wilds in the game)! That’s better than most trainers you’ve faced lately. The new dude here is one you’ve seen a bunch of times: Sneasel. This guy is rather disappointing with its low Special Attack and lackluster moves. You saw how easy it is to kill your Rival’s Sneasel, so don’t think it will be any different with your own.

Walk south through the ledge then west in the wild grass. Stay in that direction until you may turn south, then do so and continue left. Just follow the path until they force you north, where you’ll find a Pokemon Center. Now you can Fly here! Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Quick little field trip. Go east of the Center where you’ll come to some skinny trees. Cut them out of your way and follow the path to a house placed in the middle of nowhere! It’s Ted Kaczynski! Well, no, not real- ly. It’s some broad who wants to hide away from people, and she’ll give you TM47 to shut you up. You actually already have this one (Steel Wing) but it’s good to have extras. Now continue east from the house and click on the spot at the end. It’s a hidden RARE CANDY! That will come in han- dy. Now Fly back to the Center in Mt. Silver.

Okay, this is the very last part of the adventure. Your Pokemon need to be at least in the mid-50s to even survive here. Have a good selection of items with you too (you know how convenient they can be). I’m going to make you go for those not-for-sale-at-any-stores items like Elixers and Max Revives while we’re in the cave, but things like Full Restores you should have. Alrighty then, let’s begin our final journey together. *sniff* Oh, don’t mind me, I just get a little emotional in times like these. *bawls out crying* I’m fine, really I am. Just go left of the Center and up to the cave entrance. *chokes on own tears* Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

MT. SILVER

MT. SILVER #1	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Golbat	8%	8%	8%
Graveler	32%	32%	32%
Larvitar	12%	12%	12%
Onix	28%	28%	28%
Ursaring/Donphan*	20%	20%	20%
MT. SILVER #2	MORNING	DAY	NIGHT
Golbat	8%	8%	8%
Golduck	28%	28%	20%
Larvitar	12%	12%	12%
Misdreavus	–	–	12%
Quagsire	32%	32%	32%
Ursaring/Donphan*	20%	20%	16%

If you could catch Larvitar much earlier in the game, that would be the best…thing…ever! But you can’t, so stop whining. Its stats are okay and it gets some pretty good moves, but it’s the final evolution that makes his little (or rather, huge) guy so great. Tyranitar is Rock/Dark with awesome stats and moves like Earthquake and Crunch to back them up. The catch? Lv55, that’s the catch. Misdreavus is the game’s first and only pure Ghost Pokemon, making it good against everything but Dark. The stats aren’t anything to throw a party over (though if you’re throw- ing a party over a Pokemon’s stats, you need medical attention), but it will learn some Misdreavus only moves, like Pain Split, which will even out you and your opponent’s HP (good if you’re low). Other than that, it’s no reason to buy a pinata for.

This part is Mt. Silver #1, by the way. It’s pretty easy to navigate in (unlike that piece of crap Mt. Mortar), but we’ll take some sidetrips for items while we’re here. Walk straight up from the entrance and turn left. Hop over the ledges here for an ESCAPE ROPE! Oh yeah! Now back at the opening, go up again and turn right. Get onto the platform and fol- low it all around. Once you’re off, go right and find another platform. At the end of this one, you’ll be at a two-way split. Go left for now and get off it. Jump the ledge for a MAX ELIXER. Hop down once more and wlk right then south for the next ledge. Right now and you’ll see that platform once again. At the fork, go right this time and down the mini- stairs. Tap right a bit then northward for a door. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

Here’s Mt. Silver #2! Right off the bat, turn west and get into the water. Use Waterfall on the little one here and up a little more to the stairs. Enter the door you come to and you’ll find the only thing here: a MAX REVIVE. That might come in handy for the final part here. Go back all the way to the entrance of Mt. Silver #2. Now go up, getting onto many platforms, and just go the path laid out for you until you see an opening. Don’t go in it yet, but instead walk straight down and Surf on the water. Swim east until a Waterfall is above you, so show it up with your Waterfall move and go on land. Find the opening here and take the FULL RESTORE in this little room. Now return to that door I made you ig- nore two seconds ago and take it. Follow the path northward all the way until you see a trainer that seems a lot like you. Weird. Well, I think you should save, then see what the kid has to say. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

RED’S POKEMON	LV	WEAK AGAINST
Pikachu	81	Ground
Espeon	73	Ghost/Dark
Snorlax	75	Fighting
Venusaur	77	Fire/Psychic
Charizard	77	Water/Electric
Blastoise	77	Grass/Electric

Holy crap! Well, like I said before, you can win this battle if you have six good Pokemon in the mid to late 50s with a good amount of items in your bag. Pikachu is the highest in level, but the easiest of the bunch if you have a Ground with Earthquake. If you don’t, it will hurl Elect- ricity at your face until you kill it. Still, it has low Defense, so you can really take it on with whatever. Espeon is just the same as those Alakazam’s you’ve been facing, only with higher Defense! Not even Shadow Ball seems to work well on this thing. Well, if you just happen to have a Dark (probably not), there’s really nothing you can do about it. Oth- erwise, the best stratigy is to bring out a Psychic type and do attacks on it that aren’t Psychic. Snorlax is by far the hardest of the bunch (high HP + high Defense + high Attack = kick-ass Pokemon). As you chip away at its HP with whatever, it will Slam you, which is a strong Normal attack if you haven’t figured that out. The most hair-pulling part of all is that when you think he’s about you die, boom! He pulls out the good old Rest (which will even cure status conditions if you happened to Poison it or something like that). If that ain’t enough, he will Snore at as he sleeps. Yikes! What will work is if you have a Rock Pokemon. Snorlax can’t get past the type resistance and you’ll have an easier time taking it down. The three Lv77 starters are probably the easiest of the bunch, but that’s not really saying anything (they have some good competition). Venusaur will use Solar Beam no matter what you bring out, so Fire might be better than Psychic or Flying in this situation. Char- izard will attack nonstop with Flamethrower or Wing Attack (depending on what you have out). Water still works very good on it, so stick to thatplan. Blastoise’s high Defense might get in the way of whatever you do (plus the Surf/Rain Dance combo is a killer too, even to fellow Water types). I wouldn’t recommend bring out a Grass because it does have Blizzard, so a high-level Electric is your best bet. Pokemon Silver Walkthrough

When you win, the credits will roll once again. Congratulations! You just beat the Pokemon Gold/Silver RPG! Now, if you really want to beat it, go and complete your Pokedex by catching all 251! Heh, that’ll make the precious little time you have on this Earth just float away.